SAHDs

[Philippat]

Those of you who have SAHDs (or are one) - what do you do with your toddlers?

DH (carer 2 days a week) took dd to a singing and dancing class at our local library yesterday and felt a bit odd/got a bit of an odd reaction from the 16 mums. Not nasty, just out of place.

DH is not really a group sort of person but does like to find activities for dd. Just wondered if any SAHDs had discovered the perfect place.

Philippat, suggest he checks out Homedad discussion pages where blokes have been discussing the "horror" of toddler groups.

I'm happy taking dd (18m) to toddler groups and out and about generally, but am still wary about booking swimming classes with her. There is no perfect place - pub gardens are good in the summer though - and I've found that just meeting other dads isn't ideal as sometimes all you might have in common is your dd/ds and the conversation can dry up after talking about them for a bit. What works for us is variety & balance - playing together, toddler groups generally populated with mums and nannies, meeting friends (M&F) for lunch/coffee/a drink and sometimes hooking up with other homedads. If it helps I look after dd full time and think it's the best job I've ever had.

Have just found out you can't post two links in one message. He should have a look at this too:

Lone Dad

This article (not by me) sums up my experiences and I agree with the strategies for dealing with them.

I've tried a few of these groups and noticed that the ones with a male organiser or co-organiser involved had more men, and no odd reaction to them. I felt very out of place in some despite being female! Also the attendees at a particular group vary hugely from one week to the next. Keep trying things and they'll find some nice ones for both DH and DD, it's worthwhile.

message withdrawn

What about looking at Fathers Direct?

What about some house chores?????

Second the Fathers Direct suggestion.

Thank you everyone, I'll pass them on (maybe even get him on mumsnet!).

Pupuce, you are cruel, especially as I know your dh is SAH some of the time!
Dh and dd did the hoovering on Monday as well as the group...

Ha ha pupuce! Philappat, my dp may become a SAHD at some point and he's been worrying about this too. He says he's going to log on here (but won't be telling me his mumsnet name!) but he's not convinced the m&t groups will welcome him either. Guiness, I didn't know we had a SAHD here, that's good to know, I'll tell him.

Well DH and I are currently listing what we BOTH do as we BOTH feel we do more than the other :0
I have complained as I feel I don't get to play with my kids because when I am in charge of them there is too much cleaning to do

Dh says top of his hit list with dd (just turned 3) is swimming, followed by playgrounds, sandpits, messing around (literally!) in the garden, and the occasional playdate with the kids of other SAHDs. But what keeps him sane is the fact dd is at nursery for half the day!

Dh takes the sluglet to the playground in the park most days. He says the reactions he gets are either:

1. Patronising smile with offers to help (as obviously as a man he couldn't possibly know how to change nappies/put on shoes etc)
2. Single mothers homing in on him (I'm not sure he's too upset by this, likes to think of himself as a bit of a babe magnet)
3. That slightly horrified and suspicious look as he's a man with a baby girl therfore must be a paedophile.

I suspect he's mostly ignored or accepted by the women in the playground, though it's in a bit of a posh area and you don't see many dads during the day.

We have a few very nice pubs nearby, one of which has a child's playroom in the garden. That's where you find the SAHDs.