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Private school or move to Country to avoid DC's becoming drug dealing gang lords!

43 replies

bevlin · 14/09/2009 14:47

OK, I sound nuts already and maybe I am but ever since my DS (2.3) was born I have worried myself sick about the area we live in or indeed the world!
Partly because my DH and I were brought up here - we know what goes on! Partly because I worked for the police for 12 years and partly because I look at the kids around and think, why bother putting any effort in, they are screwed by the time they are 10!
I could go on with a million reasons and I know people will say 'it's how you bring them up' but I beg to differ. Whilst working in the police I know that as many 'bad' kids come from good families now as there are so many more 'bad' families. A huge part of their personality comes from their peers.
Right, here's my dilema.....
We are towny's through and through. We lived within a one mile radias of where we are now, our parents (great babysitters) and friends and DH business are all here in town. We love it and are happy.
Im a stay at home mum and have made a life and new friends out of it and am due DC2 in January.
We have managed to sell our house and buy a plot of land for a good price and as my DS is in the building trade and can build it for a reasonable price - it will be a fantastic 5 bed, 3 public room family house with 3/4 acre garden complete with it's own woods in the countryside near a beach with amazing state schools in the near by village. Idillic sounding isn't it !
Probelm you spoilt bitch you may ask.....there is NOTHING else out there, what will I do all day on my own with no family or friends and two children under 4. Everything means driving and im used to everything being on my doorstep, walking and passing friends on the way. It's an exclusive development full of mega rich folk - scary and so far not friendly. You'd need to buzz the buzzer on your neighbours electric gates to see them! Not my world and not what we are used to.
Option 2) Sell it when built in approx 2 years and use whatever profit to fund private school on other side of city (which also means moving). My DH has no pension so this would be the most and prob only large sum of money he will be lucky (and we know we are lucky to have found it) to make so it's a huge deal, we are by no means rich and couldn't afford to pay the fee's monthly from our earnings.
We went to view the private school this morning and wow!!! The kids were so happy looking, very very polite, beautiful school and surroundings, so many opportunity's for them.
Problem is it's on the busy busy traffic side of city, would be a major nightmare every morning to get there and take 40-50 mins of sheer road rage. They are not allowed to get the school bus until they are 8. We'd then have to move to that side of city into a much smaller house than we would ever have as it's so expensive (city centre.
Ugh, I realise it's not life and death stuff here and Im sure people will roll eyes and say they'd love to have my problems, I know im lucky to have those two great opportunities BUT, it's which road to take to make sure my kids are happy and being a Libra, I can't decide which knickers to put on in the morning never mind what path my kids life's should take!
I was moved schools and areas 4 times in my childhood and it was hell and did nothing for my confidence or my brothers so I need to make this decision now. We are renting just now and are here for another 18 months while the house is being built. I have registered my DS at the local nursery for first year and sent application away today for private school primary one.
What's your thoughts if you haven't fallen asleep?
Even if nobody gives a sh*t, it was good to empty my busy head onto here!

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MeAndMyMonkey · 17/09/2009 16:56

I just want to know where this fantastic area near a town with a beach and woods is... and I'll swop you for a Peckham townhouse... deal?
(Is it Liverpool by any chance? I just can't picture it.)
As everyone is saying, drugs are everywhere, and anecdotally, certainly easy to get hold of in London public schools (so I hear from the younger generation).
Can't you just sell up and move elsewehere? There must be a compromise. Whole electric gate thing sounds kind of tacky imo anyway.

Northumberlandlass · 17/09/2009 19:26

Hey Bevlin, I LOVED my childhood ! I LOVED my teens. I wasn't bored in the slightest, there was loads to do. I had a large group of friends who lived near and far. I am still in touch with a lot of them. I was v lucky in that my folks were happy to drive to friends houses (Northumberland is a large place).

I am delighted that I am bringing up my DS here, I really wouldn't be anywhere else. I feel we have the best of both worlds.

I don't go to church, but I am very much involved in our community - I admit mostly through DS school & rugby. But I am very into my drama and I am in local societies / choirs.

Obviously I am v happy with my lot.

Not sure if I answered your questions...if I didn't ask somemore. xxx

bevlin · 22/09/2009 21:06

Thanks Northumberlandlass. Ooh got me thinking again, that is good to hear.
MeAndMyMonkey I live in Edinburgh, the new build is in East Lothian, Scotland. All on the coast.
I hope nobody knows me now, Id not admit or share my mad thoughts with my closest friends!!
Edinburgh is beautiful and being a small city we are spoilt for everything being on our door step. The new place is 40mins-1 hour away. Londeners will think - 'what, that's nothing'. I watch Location Location with an open gob with couples who are prepared to comute 1.5 hours to and from work but I think being born and bred in Edinburgh, we are so used to having it all near by. Designer/high street shops, wine bars, clubs, pubs 10 mins one way, country walks 10 mins the other and a beach 5 mins from home. Moving out of Edinburgh is scary to me.
More scary though is how dramatically it has changed in 5 years. I read telexes in the police warning of crack cocaine and crystal meth dealers heading to Edinburgh from London as there was a niesh in the market here. Along with it they warned of dramatic rise in crime, guns, gang culture etc. I read them with not much interest at the time. Suddenly all of the above started to appear here. There is now whole community's of people from London living here along with the gang culture and kids can get there hands on handguns for as little as £50. This was totally unheard of I promise you so it is very un nerving when you have a 2 yr old and a baby on the way and your not used to it. Makes you want to run for the hills (or the coast)!

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Northumberlandlass · 23/09/2009 12:36

Hey Bevlin, if you are only moving that far from Edinburgh, it IS nothing. I work about 30 - 45 mins from home, in Newcastle and I think myself lucky that DS will have the best of both worlds.
xx

TheBalladofGayTony · 23/09/2009 12:43

were abouts in edinburgh are you (mind boggles)

TheBalladofGayTony · 23/09/2009 12:44

east lothian is lovely but omg the smugness!

TheBalladofGayTony · 23/09/2009 12:44

east lothian is lovely but omg the smugness!

Bigboots · 23/09/2009 12:53

I've had the same dilemma, but you know what? It's not about us any more, it's about our kids and giving them the best start we can. My vote's with moving to the new build (and it definately wont be as bad for you as you think...

mum23monkeys · 24/09/2009 12:17

There are plenty of nice bits of Edinburgh you could live in and have decent state schools.

Drug-wise, I remember reading that Edinburgh has the highest per capita heroin use in Europe. But a) that was 10 years ago, and b) the figures are skewed because of the relatively low overall population. c) the drugs tend to be centered in some of the more deprived estates on the edges of Edinburgh.

Could you not move into a more central bit of Edinburgh? Not have the worries of being isolated in the countryside, but have a chance of good state education. And sell the new-build. Keep the money for your dh's pension, or for secondary when the time comes.

There is usually a middle ground compromise between two extreme situations.

expatinscotland · 24/09/2009 12:42

sorry, but bevlin, please learn to indent more frequently/space paragraphs.

your posts make for very difficult reading.

expatinscotland · 24/09/2009 12:45

How can you be bored in East Lothian?

FGS, it's not exaclty the Western Isles of Ft. William where there is literally nothing for hundreds of miles.

expatinscotland · 24/09/2009 12:52

Sorry, meant or not of.

My husband is Edinburgh born and bred and our two eldest are also from there, but we moved to the other side of the country two years ago because we couldn't afford rents there except in catchments for some really pants schools.

But we moved to a country area not just a 'burb but pretty far out, although it's easier to get much more isolated from here.

BitOfFun · 24/09/2009 13:04

If you can move into the Gillespies catchment, you're laughing. The "gangs" in Edinburgh are total wusses- I really think you are making a meal out of this and you'd be a loony to move.

expatinscotland · 24/09/2009 15:21

Oh, I missed that part, BitOf.

LOL.

Yeah, we used to live in Muirhouse. You want to talk about a shite schools now?

PMSL.

Pilton did have some serious gang problems along the lines of Eastern European people-traffiking and Drylaw has some serious problems with gangs dedicated to selling drugs.

But on the whole, well, I once lived in Manila . . .

BitOfFun · 24/09/2009 15:29
Grin
bevlin · 25/09/2009 14:53

expatinscotland, Ha, I haven't got time for paragraphs - Im ranting!

Listen, Im so grateful for all your posts. Considering what a lot of bollocks I have spouted im surprised with the amount of reply's.

New paragraph

I just can't make this decision right now. Im going to chill for a bit a see how I feel when No 2 comes along. I just might move to the new build on my own!

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alypaly · 25/09/2009 14:57

do not assume public school shields them. Both mine went to public school and a few years ago a child at their school got expelled for bringing a growing marajuana plant to school in his school bag.

Another childs parents are danish and they used to smoke it too...

nothing will protect them from this..its all around unfortunately

bevlin · 25/09/2009 19:50

I know, but what a genius. At least he had the savy to grow his own .

Im not THAT keen to put him/them to private school. It's an option I have looked at.

Bitoffun "The gangs are wusses"? Are you prone to hang out with them !

I know I sound paranoid and im worrying too much.

I have kind of said though, I do think working for the police, living near some pretty rough places and the friends and past we have had has made us suddenly think twice about our own kids and what it might be like in 15 years for them.

The dilema has only raised it's ugly head as the new build is underway and I have taken cold feet about it all.

I thought Mumsnet was a good place to empty my thoughts (mad as they are) and get some opinions without real people thinking im being a snob!

Now, I feel like Ive given away too much, someone is going to recognise who I am now......Im away to change my MN name

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