Leaving children home alone

[mum71]

Hi, I just wondered what your views were on leaving 2 very sensible children at home alone in the evening for say 3 hours (approx 7.30 - 10.30pm). They are 8 and 11.

They know what do to in an emergency, never answer the door, they say they are happy to be left at home and the eldest has a mobile so we could keep in touch while we were out.

I plan to buy them a movie to watch together and then they would go to bed.

I have left them alone for an hour max before but always at day time, usually because I have chores and they don't want to come with me.

Grateful for any views.

purepurple, we don't have a sitter in the area, we never go out together on a school night. If we have something on at the weekend they stay with our parents.

The meeting is in a hotel just off the m4. We did not choose this, the client did. 3 year ago we would have rearranged but given that we have made 4 staff redundant this year we don't have this luxury anymore. if a client wants something we do it.

if it's that important, to see this client, then it is important enough to pay for a sitter or ask a friend to help
will you be relaxed knowing they are alone for the first time for several hours?

use the Sitters agency.

what if you are delayed , what if something unexpected happens?

does your client have children?

would he understand if one of you , rather than both of you attended the meeting?

get a sitter, or have meeting at yours, you would never forgive yourself if something happened. I always ask myself if my sitter would know what to do in an emergency,eg sickness, fall, chocking, fire ect. I pretty much knoww an 11year old would panic/ not know what to do if say, 8 year old chocked on popcorn, a fire started, would he think to drag brother out ect ect.

I think the OP will leave her kids no matter what we say.

If she thinks it is fine she is hardly going to take any notice of some strangers.

NO client is worth risking the safety of your kids, imo.

Ask the hotel if they have a list of local babysitters. I work in childcare and have friends that do babysitting at hotels.
Or ring a couple of nurseries and ask if the staff do babysitting. Lots of people do this. You will get somebody who is qualified and capable.
you would never forgive yourself if something happened.

It's to much responsibility for the 11 year old to left with the 8 year old for that lentgh of time. They might be very sensible but I would still say it's not fair on either of them. I would get a babysitter or have the meeting at your house.

am wondering what you all imagine will happen whilst the op is away??
i worry about fingers getting trapped in doors for some reason!

however,i wouldn't leave them that young alone,not without worrying the entire time.

mine are now 15,13,11,6 and 18 months. so i can usually leave an older one home. but would never leave certain combinations. the 15 and 13 year old left together would kill each other. one of them with one or two of the younger ones would be fine....all down to the individual child. there are some incredibly mature 11 year olds out there.

FabBaker - not a stupid arguement in the slightest.

There does have to be a first time for everything and if the op is fine with it and the kids are fine with it, then why not??? Give it a try.

I was a mature 11 year old and was left alone often. I loved the responsibility of it. At that age I was also taking my baby sister for long walks and at 14 I was babysitting much younger children in the evenings.

It all depends on the children involved. Some are much more sensible than others and are capable of a lot more things than we adults give them credit for.

I'm not sure I'd leave them tbh, but my kids aren't that age yet, so I've no idea really.

Could you ring a few local CMs? Or ask a neighbour with older children if the teenager could babysit for a few hours. A 16-18 year old is probably all they need - someone with enough maturity to ring their mum down the street if there is a problem. Which there won't be, but you're paying for peace of mind!

I'd be uneasy about it tbh, although I would do it for a shorter time. Why don't you give a trusted adult a key to check up on them?

Although There is no legal minimum age for leaving children home alone. This is the advice form the NSPPC:
? If your child is under the
age of about 12, they may not
be mature enough to cope with an
emergency. They should not be left
alone for more than a very short time.
And remember to put all obvious
dangers out of reach before you go,
such as medicines, matches and sharp objects.

Well, in my opinion it is so we will have to disagree, florence.

mumeeee - exactly what I think and it is also not fair to give an 11 yr old responsbility for an 8 yr old.

If you feel happy about it then do it. Personally I would not do it. My ds is almost 11 and I would not leave him to look after another child. He is not immature or daft for his age I just would not leave him but I don't have to leave him as I am not in the position so therefore don't, iyswim.

i kind of agree with you florence.

depends on individual child,which is why there is no laws governing it.

when I was 11 my mum worked evenings and my dad would leave me, once a week, on my own to look after my sisters aged 6 and 7. I would also walk miles to school on my own and would play in some woods by our house for hours.

TBH I am much more nervous about the 10 minute walk my eldest takes to the school bus stop everyday than I am about leaving them on their own. IMO there is nowhere safer than my home.

They would never go anywhere near the medicine cupboard, kitchen, etc. I will not give them any food they can choke on.

I know my children. They will lie on the coach staring at the TV screen until their film finishes. They will then go to their rooms where they will stay awake reading/playing DS games until I come home. The worst that will happen is that they will not brush their teeth.

We also have 2 dogs that will bark the entire house down should anyone come near our drive. They will be in another part of the house, so the children won't have responsibility of looking after them (preventing any questions!)

sorry said "coach" I meant couch. They won't be catching a bus ;-)

dc same age , also sensible , but no way. ds starting to realise his friends are left occasionally but would n't want him to feel responsible for his sister.

Why do you both have to go? Get your dcs a room at the hotel and ask for a sitting service.

Sorry, just to clear something up. We both have to go to the meeting. DH deals with the guy's UK and overseas companies- which I have very little idea about. I work on his and his wife's personal affairs - which my DH is not familiar with. I just wanted to know at what age would you leave your child alone for a couple of hours. The reason why we have to do this is irrelevant. We have never gone anywhere together on a school night before, sad I know. This is a very unusual one-off, we are not going to start making a habit of it.

They want to stay on their own rather than have a stranger look after them. The eldest wants the responsibility, has friends that are left on their own (have keys to let themselves in after school too) and go into the city on the bus on their own.

As Florence says, there has to be a first for everything.

Thanks for all your replies, I now know what to do x

it is not the responsiblity of the children to decide what is best in these circumstances, that they would rather be alone than looked after by a stranger.

but your choice.

I think you knew what you was going to do when you posted, as I said earlier.

I would leave them for 3 hours in the daytime without a qualm, but know mine would prefer not to be left after dark, so wouldn't do it.

But would certainly expect an 11yo to be able to phone an ambulance in an emergency. Just back from Scandinavia where youngsters are given far more independence and responsibility and no, they don't have horrendous child mortality age. They just don't do after daycare for children beyond primary age. My niece used to come home and cook the family supper when her Mum was working late, aged 10; that would be considered perfectly normal there. Dd (aged 11) went to the beach with her friends, no adults.

But after dark might deter me.

well that's where you're wrong FabBaker!

We've made a compromise, they will be on their own in a room at the hotel :-P