What's the BEST parenting advice you've ever been given?

[MrsMerryHenry]

May as well balance things out.

"It's not bleach!"
Everything comes out in the wash- babyfood,yoghurt, mud etc dont worry about the baby getting a bit messy it wont hurt it!!!

3 from my sensible mum-of-3 friend: when he won't stop crying no matter what, go make a cup of tea. Even if he's still crying it'll be 10 minutes later and you'll have a cup of tea.

Ask for help. Not just 'for help', but tell people exactly what you want them to do. GP told me that too.

And 'you don't get a medal or anything for 100% breastfeeding or anything else - if your baby is warm and clothed and fed you're doing fine' My HV tried to say the same thing but said "clothed, dry, fed with a roof over his head' and I burst into tears sobbing "We haven't got a roof!" We do now, luckily.

actually the most useful advice I think I got from my aunt or a book, and it's not somehing anyone tells you - when a baby cries, it's not as traumatised as you might be if you were making the same noise. THey're simply telling you that something is currently unsatisfactory in the universe.

Made me manage not to take the crying personally and be less scared by it.

Peppa - I thank the ante natal groups for putting me in touch with friends (one of my best mates now ) who I could text at 3am saying: 'You up as well?'

God, that feels so long ago.

"listen to advice, read books, but disregard the things that feel wrong for YOUR baby"

'Don't stress. They are only like this for such a short time'

Dont worry about it , by the time they go to school theyre all the same.

"It's just a phase"

Every time I worry about a new behaviour or developmental issue, my mom says this, and she is always (so far!) right!

I think this is what makes having number 2 easier, because you know there is light at the end of each tunnel, whereas with number 1 you didn't.

Sleep begets sleep. (Fix the naps, you fix the nights )

Never wake a sleeping baby.

Babies needs 1st, yours 2nd..

routine, boring as it is, it makes things esier in the long run.

breastfeed for your health as well as baby.

the more tv they watch the less able they are to entertain themselves.

your DCs want you to play with them far more than they want a clean house

if they are upset tell them how they feel, makes them feel better because some one understands them.

buy earplugs and wear them for lie ins!

I was told a story about a toddler demanding a ham sandwich at 7pm at night and parent refusing (because adults don't do that). He realised after 10 minutes of stress that, as long as she cleaned her teeth again, what does it matter? I try to apply the same thought process with my toddler - am I battling because it's not what I would do/want/etc because that's not a good enough reason. Ham sandwiches at 7pm are not worth the battle, as are many other things. Definately, pick your battles. Much like as with dh.....

It seems to work as touch wood, my toddler doesn't have that many tantrums. And, for us, routine, routine, routine as well.

"Never walk into a 5 year old boys Lego- strewn bedroom in bare feet." (Ouch)

Seriously?

"Don't stress,its mainly just a phase.Ususally it passes.If it doesn't and you feel you need help,ask for it."

and

"NOBODY is a perfect parent."

Don't listen to anybody else, do what you think is best and it will OK.

A piece of advice from my father which in itself is good except that, as it turns out, he is the only one who has ever given me any unwanted advice.

My FIL always says that 99% of children turn out to be decent adults so don't worry about the details too much. Not statistically accurate I don't expect but comforting all the same.

Happy mommy Happy babies

If they are crabby put them in water!

And when I am beating myself up over work/ housework/not getting my to-do list done/doing more for everyone else, I remember that all the martyrs are dead! Better to just stop and enjoy my babies because if anything happened to me anyone else can do my job or clean my house but no-one will love my babies like I do.

When your baby is asleep they look like you could eat them.
In the morning when they wake up you wish you had have done!

Simplesusan brilliant quote. Made me laugh at myself for being in a foul mood all morning after DD deciding it was time to crack on with the day at 5am on a Sunday

Not really advice but something I realised - always ask "Why/Why not?" - after trying to change DS' perfectly good (for me) sleeping pattern into one which was more "normal" (ie socially acceptable in this country)

If I had just stopped to ask myself, why shouldn't he go to bed at 11pm? I would have saved myself a lot of trouble!!

1. being given the donald winnicott book which explains the concept of a "good enough" mother - basically, that if you're too perfectionist and exhaust yourself trying ot meet your baby's every need they will grow up with an unrealistic view of the world and everything subsequently will be a letdown. to be a genuinely loving mother, you actually need to disappoint your baby sometimes. (which helped make sense of all the advice along the lines of if he's screaming the house down and nothing you do helps, go and make a cup of tea and come back five minutes later when you're calm)
2. thisis really about being a working parent, and came from a working mother with three small children and a very pressured job: that as a full time working mum, you never finish anything properly - not the piece of work you're doing, not a novel, often not a sentence -before it was time to do the next thing. so the sooner i got used to that and stopped stressing about it, the easier it would be. also that you can get away with cutting a surprising amount of corners at work for a surprisingly long period of time and by the time you're in danger of being found out, you will be through the worst and back in charge.

My dad reckoned the best bit of parenting advice that he was ever given was...

the first 51 years are the worst.

'Never say never'

i like that bit about 'the more tv they watch the less they entertain themselves'

agree swaddling

so so so true sleep begets sleep - fix the naps you fix the nights

All advice seems contradictory now and I tried so hard to listen to midwives and HV's.

But when whotsit on 'Home and Away' last night told Rachel to 'stop reading the books and try reading the baby' I genuinely wanted to strangle that writer

All children need love.
When times are tough, they need more of it.

I frequently have to say to myself "he's 2", generally helps me place whatever catastrophe has happened into perspective.

Applies to life generally, but:

Don't sweat the petty things (and don't pet the sweaty things

Love CloudDragon's one about clean house vs play.