Hello
Haven't posted for ages. Am here hoping for advice because I feel really anxious about the state of my relationship with dd1 (4).
She's a wonderful girl - bright, loving and has a wicked sense of humour. I love her to bits, but somehow I feel that I can never get close to her.
She has an incredible bond with my husband. They are like each other's perfect partner. They have SO much fun together - they even have their own in-jokes. When we are together as a family (we also have dd2 18mths), I tend to end up sidelined. I end up feeling like a gooseberry on someone else's date.
If dh is around, dd1 won't have anything to do with me. It's like I'm invisible. She freaks out if I suggest that I'd like to put her to bed (am still feeding dd2 so usually end up putting the younger one to bed). And she is so casual in the way she dismisses me. Often, she won't let me hug her and then runs straight to dh for a big squeeze.
I have tried my hardest to ignore it all and be bright and breezy, but it's really hurting me. The other night, whilst trying to spend some cosy time with her before bed, she said, "Tonight's boring night, mummy, because I'm with you. I wish you were going to work tomorrow, not daddy". I couldn't help responding. I said "You're hurting my feelings and you're not making me feel like being with you right now". I walked out. And then felt like crap for crumbling in front of her.
Should I just invest in a teflon skin and smile through every thrust of the dagger? A lot of people say you should not attach importance to the things kids say. And I'm sure I need to toughen up a lot before she hits 13!
I feel really crap for feeling jealous of my husband's relationship with her. I just wish I could see what she gets out of her relationship with me - I can't see how we'll ever be close.
Ramble over - feeling better just for writing it down.