What can I do to help dd2 feel ok when other children leave her out?

[Jas]

Today we've had an invitation to go swimming for dd1 and 6 other children from the street, going into 3 houses to play, and a birthday tea.

DD2 has been left out each times, with varying degrees of tact (from I'm only allowed two in to play, to there is no space in the car - which would have been easier to take if she didn't then witness anther child invite herself and be fitted in)

She is almost 9, and different from other children - overly sensitive, sometimes babyish, blunt and not a follower.

I know I can't make other children like/include her, but what can I say when she is in floods f tears abut the unfairness?

To what extent could you cultivate her own social life, her own circle of friends, separate from her sister?

Well it isn't easy outside school. She does have school friends, but hasn't seen them much over the holidays.

We live in a street with lots of children and they all play out, but dd2 is rarely included, and even when she is still ends up upset....this evening she played with three other girls but when it rained they all went into someones house and sent her home in tears.

Thanks for the response

Does she have any interests that could be cultivated? I was a bit of a loner, but I was interested in a few things and my parents took me to clubs and I actually made a few mates (albeit boys rather than girls).

She's on a waiting list for swimming club, hated Brownies (after loving Rainbows) and dropped ballet at about 6.

She has been to holiday clubs and loved them this holiday but I can't think of/afford/get her to anything else locally...

Is there a local am-dram or panto going on?

Not that I know of. She'd love to try baton twirling but the only place I can find is 2 buses away.

Could you invite some of the neighbour's DCs over to yours, when DC1 is out, to specifically help develop friendships towards your DC2 (and encourage DC2 to follow some of their ideas)? Perhaps you could listen in to see if DC2 is joining in - or perhaps she just doens't have the same interests as the neighbours DCs? Swimimng group sounds like a good idea for her to meet new DCs.

If the other children are around 9 yrs old, and if their parents are witnessing this (your DDs distress), I think they are being a bit mean IMO.

Have you tried posting on your local mumsnet and asking the advice on mums where you are - or calling leisure services at the council and asking them what is available? There are normally lists of community events available. Or check out your local paper - there may well be more than you realise nearby?