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So so heartily sick and tired of the whining.

10 replies

OrangeSpacedust · 26/08/2009 14:54

What am I doing wrong? I've spent the best part of the last 4 years trying to stop my two DDs (4 and 2) from whining and have to conclude I've messed it all up, as they never stop, it sometimes feels like, from dawn to dusk, and I feel like tearing my hair out ...

I think I've been pretty scrupulously consistent in my approach ? at the first hint of a whine, I say "Can you say that again normally", "Please use your words/talk to me in a normal/happy voice", etc, things like that, and if they carry on whining I immediately drop ALL attention. No talking, no eye contact, until they stop. And when they (eventually) stop, I immediately say something like "Great! You've stopped crying/screaming/whining, now let's ....". But DD1 quite often sees that as an opportunity to restart, which I just don't understand! I dropped the attention when she whined, I paid her attention again when she stopped, so WHAAAAY on earth is she starting again?!?!

I thought I was doing the right thing. But the wailing and screeching from the two of them never ends and I find it so depressing. It's not particularly a sibling rivalry thing, they just screech individually . I hate labelling them, but there's no getting away from it ? they are a pair of whiny kids.

Any tips? Thanks sooo much.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OrangeSpacedust · 26/08/2009 17:10

Oh please - anyone??!

OP posts:
neversaydie · 26/08/2009 17:29

Not too sure that I have any answers, but I do have loads of sympathy.
However, I followed a similar track with my single boy, now 10, and he is just about coming out the other side. Except of course when homework is involved, when he can still whine for Scotland!

OrangeSpacedust · 26/08/2009 17:35

10?!?! You mean I've got another 8 years of it?!?

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bigchris · 26/08/2009 17:39

just say firmly to your four yr old 'I will talk to you when you stop whining' and then leave the room or heap loads of attention on the two yr old if they arent whining
and vice versa
and repeat
and repeat

until they are ten apparently

Campaspe · 26/08/2009 19:03

Oh my god. I have a 2 year old DD who is prone to a whingeing pretty much constantly on a bad day, so I am sending you loads of sympathy and will be watching this thread with interest. I suppose the only thing you can try is to remove yourself from the situation - assuming it is safe to do so? They won't stop, but you get a few minutes of respite.

Do you think that boredom is frustration could be a factor? I am really hoping that as DD grows and becomes more capable, she will not resort to this sort of behaviour more readily. Also, as they become more involved in their school lives, maybe they learn to be more independent?

RedLentil · 26/08/2009 19:19

Orange, sympathies here too.

Can you try dropping the "Great! You've stopped crying/screaming/whining, now let's .."
bit.

I know mine see this as a reminder to start again.

I think it also reminds them that you noticed their behaviour strongly and getting your attention is good so there's an incentive to start again there too.

You could try just leaping into the next activity without the backward glance.

neversaydie · 26/08/2009 19:54

He didn't really start whining until he was 8, so don't worry too much about the 10-year-old end date!

I think girls are just earlier developers!

needacupoftea · 30/08/2009 16:00

My DD (3 yrs) is the same. We just tell her that we can't hear her if she whines...sometimes this works...am disturbed to hear that this could go on until 10!! Aarrgghh!

carelesswhispers · 30/08/2009 16:12

sorry but my 10yr old still whines & dd (3) joins in just for the fun of it , i have a cracking headache from them today , back to school tomorrow , thankfully

feellikeshitrightnow · 20/09/2012 10:27

My 8 year old is a lovely, kind, funny, clever girl that just WONT STOP WHINING. ABOUT EVERYTHING!
From reluctantly getting out of bed, to the toast with bits in, a T-shirt she wants to wear but isn't clean, what's in her packed lunch, what shoes she can wear, the fact that she's got PE today, IT'S NOT SNOWING!! IN SEPTEMBER!!!
I must admit I'm not that good at being patient with her (I try but....) When I ask her to stop, explaining that its not nice for the rest of the family, or say that I can't understand her she replies ' but this is who I am, I'm sensitive'!
I want to help her get over this but I'm worried this is just how she is
A MOANING MINNIE

any ideas anyone?

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