A question for those who have decided that they are not having anymore children

[Dragonhart]

Did you just know for sure that you didnt want anymore and do you feel broody when friends have babies? (sorry I know that is two really!)

There are 3yrs and 1 months between ds1 and dd3 (with a dd inbetween) and while I have loved having them close together I had spd with dd3 and by the end I was in a lot of pain and found it hard to walk. I dont think I could go through another preg especially if it was like DD3's and I came pretty close to breaking point in the first few months of having her.

But I cant get rid of this feeling that I want/need another. I always wanted 4 but know that I would really struggle with a 4th. DH and I have decided we are not having anymore and I know it is the right decision for us but I cant shake the feeling that I am ment to have another and that my family are just not complete. I know it sounds crazy! I am hoping it is just that DD3 has just turned 1 and not a baby anymore and me just having to let go of the babydom. The funny thing is though, I have never really enjoyed the baby or preg part and have loved it each time when they get to about 6months and start being a little person. I wonder if I would feel like this even if we did have a 4th!

Any input welcome.

he knew i'd do it, too, and Skype to him and the kids from a chaise lounge next to my sister's pool with the waterfall.

or send video messages of us in yet another restaurant.

priceless !

you do know he will need a lot of looking after, don't you ?

< not >

I almost wanted to do it for the holiday childfree.

DH isn't the manflu type, he prides himself on being tough and his 'I can take pain' mantra.

Besides, when he told his dad, my dad and my sister's husband, they all told him it was a cakewalk and men who made a big deal out of it were pussies and wimps.

Even better, when his dad and my dad had the op back in the 70s, it was a big op!

His dad chided him, 'You don't know you're born! You lads have it easy these days . . . ' and then went into horrid detail about how it went for him!

HAAHAAAA.

Then he got started on how he had to be circumcised. As an adult (he had diabetes and started to get loads of UTIs).

That shut DH up fast.

We planned three and we have three. 6, 4 and 18 months. I loved having a newborn with #3 and made sure to enjoy him but he was very very hard work. This has put me off ever having another! When my friends talk of having #4 I just think 'dear God why?'.

We both knew after second one (both DDs but no longing for a DS) that this was 'it'. But we were still quite young (28 & 32) so always agreed that I'd stay on the pill until the doctor said to come off.

When I was 35 doc said to come off at 40 so DH had the snip 6 months before hand to make sure he was all clear by my 40th birthday (earlier this year).

I can't tell you how good it feels to not worry about getting pregnant. I love my girls without question but I've known for certain over the past 12 years that another baby was never on the cards.

I would guess that just like when you know that it's right to 'have' a baby you also know when it's right 'not' to have a baby.

pmsl

actually, my dh did have a bit of a bad time

he is usually the strong, manly type too

he got a haematoma post-op and was in agony

I didn't remind him of my invasive treatments, painful labours etc

oh no, no way

Oh, I won't remind him of stitches up the yin yang, floods of blood, incontinence, blisters on nipples, postpartum infections, or that lovely feeling that every organ below your waist is going to fall out every time you stand up.

No matter how good or bad it goes for him.

Good for you Expat - you're a stronger woman than I!! Cos when DP gets done I am going to remind him of the agony I suffered......after birth, from piles.....the memories still bring tears to my eyes!!

although I did have to mention the time I was soaking in the bath and black, bloody scabs floated to the top of the water, from my nipples

Haven't read all the post, but just though I wouuld add my experience.

I decided to not have anymore children after second child, but due to circumstances, have a third child (adopted). I am always broody when I see my friends pregnant and new babies.

But after nearly 10 years I realise that at my age (closer to 50 that I would like to admit) that having a new baby would be maybe not such a great idea.

I don't think I will stop feeling broody, but would I have learnt to live with it.

oh, haggis, i forgot about the piles!

had one SO bad with DS had to sit on icepacks for the last month of pregnancy with him.

i guess having contractions in an ambulance that had to go round 42 roundabouts and took an an hour and a half and giving birth to a 9.5lbs baby sort of blocked it out!

Thank you all so much for your replies. It is as I thought though there is no definative answer is there!

DH is sure he doesnt want anymore so I suppose that is our desicion made. The thing that worries me is that I was so sure that I didnt want anymore when I was sick for the 1st 3months and when I was in so much pain at the end with dd3. But now it all seems a long time ago and the memory is fading!

I am worried I am kidding myself that I could handle it. But then I feel like I would not regret having a child but I might not having one.

I also think that I have had 3 healthy happy children and I might be pushing my luck having a 4th with myself and with a baby's health.

5inthebed- I have had 2 sections and I was told that a third may be a problem. Did you find that the 3rd was harder to recover from?

ionlyreadthedailymailincafes- It must be really hard for you and I suppose it makes me realise that I am very lucky to have the three I have. I hope it gets better for you. xx

Thankyou Dragonhart