Coping as a first-time mum - any tips

[hairband]

8 weeker.. no family nearby; husband out at work all day.. both suffering from sleep deprivation, and rowing as a result.. having to take baby to hospital appt on my own today as hubby can't get time off work..on a background of baby being prem and in SCBU and several pregnancy losses, early and late..
Been trying to build up local social support networks, NCT not gelled yet as such a gap between first and last babies, but working on it.
A sling has helped in the day - leaves hands free to eg type on mumsnet! - but I guess what I really need is someone to come in for half an hour in the morning so I can shower and have brekkie, and at lunch too, and in the afternoon for an hour, just to sort washing out.
Cos the baby was early, and cos of our history of losses,we hadn't really prepared the house and it would make a real difference to me if we did (we only have 3 rooms, one is a tip with DH's stuff, but he won't tidy it -for the last 3months I have been asking) but it would just give me a few more options of where to sit on days when stuck in the house. I couldn't while pregnant as was on modified bedrest and have only just recovered from my section.
I feel like some hired help would be a good solution but don't know if such a thing exists. Then I'd get the chance to at least have brekkie and shower, and tidy the spare room. We do have a cleaner already thank goodness, so once weekly hoover etc is taken care of, and the only other housework I do is wiping where babies bottles are prepared with antibac spray, and loading/loading dishwasher and washing machine.
At the moment spare time when baby sleeping is spent trying to sleep or in the afternoons getting out for a walk. Weekly shop already done online.
Have tried talking to DH - but get the impression he feels he is at work all day and is doing as much as he can at home, tho I do feel miffed that my life has changed so much compared to his.. I am basically a milk machine and breast feeding is tying me down. Getting into EBM feeds but not enough to get out properly yet. It's a shock how much the woman's life changes compared to the guys.

Has anyone felt like this or am I just being very sleep-deprived and irrational? Has anyone got any survival tips?

Can't just stay in bed today.. have to take baby to a hospital appointment, bit nervous as going on my own but it should be ok. By chance a friend is coming round today and is bringing me lunch, the little star, so at least I will have chance to get showered before heading out!

Hi Hairband,

I just wanted to say hang on in there and echo everything everyone else has said. It's soooooo hard in the early days but I promise you it does get better. It will never, ever be as hard again as it is now - just keep that thought in mind. My DD is 5 months now and at last I am starting to relax and enjoy her. The bit when the LOs start becoming interactive and smile and laugh at you (probably about 4 months onwards) is worth waiting for. But like you I found the early days almost impossibly hard - we had no family locally either and I felt very alone when DH went back to work at 2 weeks and also very resentful that my life had changed so much - I had none of my old life left - whereas he got to keep large chunks of his.

With the expressing, could you do it in the morning? That's what I do as my supply is better then and it doesn't take as long and then DH gives the feed either last thing at night or first thing the next morning if DD is going through an early waking phase. Or squeeze a bit out into a bottle after every feed and then at the end of the day pop it in a breastmilk storage bag and into the freezer. It keeps for 3 months in there and if you can manage to build up a bit of a stock you wouldn't have to express every night. It's really easy to defrost, only takes the same time as the steriliser does if you pop the bags into sink of hot water, so easy for your DH.

And my top survival tip is to take the LO out in pram, wait until she falls asleep then go and sit in a cafe with a hot chocolate and cake and read the newspaper or a magazine. I found at your stage that my DD would stay asleep in cafes for up to 2 hours at a time - something about the background noise. (She's stopped doing this now, which is a bit of a shame, the world has just become too exciting for her at 5 months and she only sleeps - if at all - in a darkened room.) You MUST try and have a little bit of "me" time when you can, it will keep you sane.