please somebody tell me it gets easier / it's all worth it

[bethdivine]

I have a lovely DS 2.6 and DD 18wks. I really do love them so much, but I am still finding it so hard. DD doesn't feed at set times and hardly naps in the day, mostly just feeds and snoozes and when I put her down after a feed mostly wakes herself and won't go back to sleep, but can then be grizzly/clingy if still sleepy. I don't want to impose a strict routine on her as she's doing pretty well at night, usually only wakes once and has gone through the odd night. She's generally a really happy little baby, but can have real melt-downs, when she's absolutely shattered and just screams and screams and is so fretful that the only way to soothe her is to feed, then she sleeps and the vicious circle begins again. It's when she screams that I'm starting to have my own melt-down and am struggling to cope. I've tried watching for sleepy signs, putting her down after she's been awake for set times etc. but don't seem to be getting it.

DS is surviving on Cbeebies, I hate him watching so much TV, but until I'm feeling better myself I'm just taking each day as it comes now - if I need to switch the TV on, I do.

I just don't seem capable of sorting things out, so that DD has a good sleep in the day and I get a bit of time with DS, I've had some good advice on previous threads, but whenever I try anything I just don't get very far and it's making me feel like an utter failure.

Friends came round yesterday and they were preaching EASY at me, i swear they were quoting chunks of baby whisperer, they must have read it back to front. They reckon they have it all sussed (1st baby) - her DH has been off sick the whole time they've had their DD, so has been helping with everything, plus she gets lots of family support, which I don't have. I honestly just couldn't wait for them to leave and felt like I didn't want to see them again, as if they were judging me the whole time they were here and that I was getting everything wrong in their eyes. I literally feel I have nobody to turn to at times, the 2 close friends I have are single and don't have children and when I've broached how low I'm feeling they've both said similar things such as how lucky I am and how lovely my children are, as if I should just get on with it.

I had PND with DS, but didn't get ADs till later on, then a month later found out I was pg and I know I have it now, I've been having support off the HV since doing the Edinburgh PND assessment and have booked a drs apt, but am struggling to get through the day when DD has her melt-down and just don't know how to structure my day so that they both get some attention off me - i.e. a bit of play time and interaction, outside of the practical let's get dressed, washed, fed, nappies etc. as well as a little time for myself without feeling guilty that they should be having my attention.

I get stuff ready for DS the night before, try to rotate his toys, try to get a bag of quiet-ish stuff he can look at with me whilst am feeding DD. He goes to nursery one day a week, and I know it would help if he went an extra day, but the morning he goes is absolute hell, he hates the thought of going, cries, screams when he's dropped off - but does settle after 10mins or so.

Oh, I'm sorry, this is just a get it all off my chest rant isn't it. I'm not sure what I'm asking for here really, but if you've lasted this long, thanks for reading. If anybody can offer reassurance that it gets better, I'd be grateful!

Message withdrawn

thanks bloss, it just helps to hear others go through similar.

Oh Ive been there and it is very very hard. My DD was only 21 months when my DS arrived and it was hard. DS was a content wee soul from day one though could be difficult to settle during the day which meant DD felt a bit left out. I used to take them both out in the double buggy for lots of fresh air. Made me feel better too and helped them both to sleep during the day. I used to put them both down for a morning and afternoon nap at the same time which helped. Got them into a wee routine. Also, I used to manage to rock DS to sleep in his pram when really upset and then pop him out on the patio on fine days. On the odd day when he was just frantic I popped him in a baby carrier on my chest which meant he felt close to me and settled, allowing me time to spend with my DD. It is very hard finding time for both but dont punish yourself. You can only do what you can do and I know just how hard it is when they scream and dont settle all day. Try and make even just 5 mins to spend with your DS. It doesnt need to be a long time. Just enough so that he still feels special. Read a story, look at a special toy etc.

Before you know it they will be playing together and you will get the time you so need. My two are now 3.5 and 20 months and though still hard, its much better.

Get any help you need, wherever you can. Friends, family, baby groups etc. Everything is helpful. Even just talking helps. My Health Visitor has been amazing. Without her Id have gone stir crazy. It does get easier, and amazingly quickly. As soon as your DD gets a little more independant and is sitting up showing an interest in things, it will be easier. Your DS will be able to enterain her without even knowing it. Then its worth all the stress and strain!

thanks. funnily enough had another thread this wk re: double buggies, we didn't buy one as planned to use baby bjorn until DS out grew pram but have decided to splash out on one so that they will both nap -DS more or less dropped nap if in house now, but i thought if i can get them both out in pram and DD gets used to falling asleep in it, I can put her in pram in house hopefully for a nap, as she currently won't take to it as not used to it, despite trying.