My son has taken money from my wallet four times and I have just found out! What should I do?

[Sasco]

I have just found out my son has taken money from my wallet on four occassions. I am very shocked, he is very upset and tells me that he took the money to put petrol in his car which we bought him and to by drinks and dinner for himself and his girlfriend when they go out. I know that is what he is spending it on, How do I punish him? His father is away at present, he would sell his car straight away, but I think I will take it away from him for two weeks. What do you think?

i think his father has the right attitude here tbh, you say 2 weeks i say his way, he is not a child you have to scold and remove his toy for a while, its stealing and in the worse degree as an adult stealing from a parent
im not being harsh here as my own son did a similar thing i was soft and talked to him but in the end i had to be very harsh and i find as a result of my softly softly approach it went to him now not living at my home anymore.....
i wish i was harder straight away.
how to punish him now....im not sure...
i wish you luck though

How old is he? If he's old enough to have a car and take his girlfriend out for dinner he's old enough to earn his own blooming money.

How do you punish him? By calling him what he is - a thief - and telling him you can no longer trust him. Put a lock on your bedroom door and make sure he has no access to your stuff. You can't sell his car, it isn't yours, but he needs to know that what he does done is theft and you won't stand for it.

I'm really shocked. I have never taken so much as 50p from my mother's purse without permission.

First - tell him he has until the end of the month to pay you all the money back.

Second - if he doesn't, sell the car (if it is in your name).

Third - lock away your purse, and give him nothing, not a penny more, ever.

Fourth - call him a thief and tell him to thank his lucky stars you haven't called the police.

Am by this.

Thanks for your helpful advice, I know I have to be hard to be kind and sensible in the long run.

Well I know what my father would have done - the cane would have come out, no doubt at all. He always thought that he was being "hard to be kind" too!

However in a more civilised world why not try disappointment. Much more potent than anger.

You could also help him with his budget. What are his in's and his out's. What can he do to alter either of them?

This is how my neice started out. The odd tenner here and there. Her mum couldn't prove who it was and when she did eventually find out she didn't punish her, just told how she was disapointed. Fast forward a year or so and my neice stole thousands of pounds from our nan, who was suffering from dementia.

She also various companies (eg electric, catalogues) chasing her as she keeps using different versions of her name to gain credit etc and owes thousands.

Its a slipperly slope and you would do well to nip in the bud ASAP.

He's drinking, he's driving (hopefully not at the same time) therefore he is old enough to leave home and learn a bit of responsibility. Why don't you ask him to find a flat?