At an all time low, please talk to me

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I have a DS aged 3 and DD 8 weeks

My DD is an easy baby (although I am a bit sleep deprived from broken nights), I am enjoying her and really don't think I have PND. I did have PND when my DS was born though

However I cannot cope with my DS or my feelings towards him. At first I felt sorry for him and mourned the loss of our time alone together. Now I just feel anger and resentment. His behaviour has become more challenging (understandably) and I am not dealing with it. It has come to such a low point that I am lashing out at him and saying horrible things

I don't want to be this kind of mummy. I have read the books e.g. How to Talk, Raising Boys and Unconditional Parenting. I stay patient and use the techniques in these books, as I don't believe in punishments and hitting, but then a silly thing makes me snap. When I snap it is awful. Last week it ended up with me yanking his hair . He yanked my hair back and was shocked and upset. I have pushed him over and today the absolute low point, I smacked him hard on the bottom and said horrible things.

This was in response to him doing a poo and a wee on his bedroom carpet, one of the ways in which his behaviour has regressed. I know I should be patient and kind about this.

It isn't always like this. I laugh with him, read to him and try and spend time alone with him. I don't agree with my behaviour and try to reason, talk and understand. But I am so low because I worry I am ruining my beautiful little boy with these outbursts. Yes he can be challeninging but he is bright, loving and fun. Everyone comments on what a lovely boy he is and he is lovely with his new sister. It is despite of me he is like this, not because of me I am sure.

I am so low about this and riddled with guilt (as I should be) but I don't know how to improve things. I do get help (although not always enough) and I have a loving and supportive husband who is a tower of strength and a great role model for my DS.

It has got to the point where I feel like I love my DD more and it has affected our once strong bond. I have always found my DS challening but I do adore him.

Vinegartits - It is amazing how when you are out of the hormonal, exhausted fog you can see things more rationally. My DD slept much better last night.

I still feel incredibly guilty but I can't change it, only move onwards and upwards. My DS is still not himself today but I have been a lot more patient and it pays off. I know this is the right way but sometimes I just seem to be all consumed and drained emotionally by it all and I snap.

I am definately not depressed as on good days (which do outway the bad) I love being a mum and find it so rewarding. However I do get anxious and this is part of my personality. I have to accept this and try to find ways to deal with the anger when it is brewing. I love your idea of singing and will try this!

I worry about my DS. I think boys are vulnerable and I think I find my DD much easier and this will show. However I hope with patience and lots of love he will come out of this phase.

Hi.I've only just come across this thread.It is very similar to the situation I had when DS2 was born.DS1 was exactly like your DS1 and I had forgotten all about it til now !!.
I think it was more the disruption of life as he knew it than jealousy.Please try not to worry you are not the only one who snaps (in a minor way like this )sometimes.
It really didn't last long and just resolved itself after a few months.I think its just a question of weathering the storm.Farm him out to family and friends when you can to give him a change of scene and you a rest, and think of interesting things for him to do.My 2 DS s are 14 and 11 now ,good as gold and the best of friends.