More children but DH says a definite NO!

[fufflebum]

I know that this has been covered many times before as I have watched the threads but I am becoming obssessed about having a third child.

I already have one DD and one DS (aged 4 and 18 months) However I do not feel that my child bearing is complete.

I never felt like this after the birth of DC1 and actually considered not having any more children. We tried for DC two and this time around I have really enjoyed looking after a baby and watching them change and grow. My DD is also absolutely gorgeous too and I have enjoyed her development as well. I was suprised at how much easier it was this time round, I wonder in hindsight if I had PND after the birth of my DD.

I feel sad that this is it. As I am 37 there are not many years to debate it. But when I talk to DH he says NO, he most definitely does not want any more children. He says he already feels tired all the time and does not think we cope with the two we have! This is his perception not reality.

I am a SAHM and DD starts school in Sept so things will be less hectic at home.

I feel that DH and I are at deadlock over this as he says no and there is no room for negotiation. I am being driven barmy by babies and pregnancies everywhere too........

Any helpful advice would be grateful. I just don't want to look back on my life in my 40s and regret this decision.

[fufflebum]

Thanks for your replies and I am sorry but I have not been able to get back to read them sooner.

As the main breadwinner I am sure that there is stress and strain for DH. However, this is not his argument he says that phsically he is too tired and cannot cope with the 'rewinding' back to the baby stage again as he will be in his forties if/when another baby were to be born. We have talked about it at length and I have explored his reasons for not wanting any more.

Unfortunately for me it is like a switch has been flicked and I really would like another. However, I can see the logical arguments against it (a bigger car and so forth). I just wonder if it may be a regret of mine in future years.....

[LittleMissTuffet]

Did I bloody well ask you, growing out?

And what about custy - why aren't you on her case you wimps?

[LittleMissTuffet]

Neither did I if you read my post!

[ABetaDad]

LittleMissTuffet - well I agreed with you and I didn't think you were harsh.

Fact is that the OP is shielded from the harsh reality of going out to work. Not saying she is not working hard at home but people who go to work every day and face customers and suppliers know in stark relief the huge economic uncertainty out there. DH is probably having to work doubly hard and worried about job security. I can believe he really is tired out and facing a lot of pressure. He is more than likely thinking of is whole family and whether he can support them.

Also, having faced the serious probability of never having children at all and now having 2 DSs by a pure miracle I know how 'lucky to have 2 DCs' really feels. The OP has powerful feelings about this issue that I do not for a moment dismiss but no one has a right to demand or impose a child on someone else if that person is uncertain about it. Having and bringing up children is a mutual joint venture.

[LittleMissTuffet]

Thank you, ABetaDad

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

OP - I understand how you feel as I wanted more, DH didn't and went and had the snip. I will always wish I could have had more children but think that is more to do with losing 2 and feeling unsettled at times, than a huge need to have a child.

[Littledawley]

DH was adamant that he didn't want a third. In the end I agreed as I didn't want a baby that DH didn't want. I then fell pregnant by accident (honestly!! Took the MAP and was really, very shocked).
DD is now 5 months and only today DH told me that he's fallen madly on lovely with her and that he didn't think I would have ever been happy with two.
It's very hard to explain the desire to have another, especially when you have 2 healthy children already.
Good luck- you really have to sort this out but it's very hard as one of you will be unhappy with the solution.

[moondog]

I agree.Why try to force some bloke into having another kid and putting a strain on relationship and finances? Madness.

[ABetaDad]

DW and I had a discusison about a third child a few times. I said no fr lots of practical reasons (finance, age, health issues). DW agreed but if she had tried to strong arm me into a third child I would have been very unhappy.