Would I encounter problems having a different surname to my child?

[KatyS36]

Hi all,

Last year I got married and didn't change my name. This was primarily as I didn't want to change it at work (I've published under it and am known in my field by it, plus it is quite distinctive) and I thought having two names would be difficult (e.g. having to book work travel documentation under a different name to which you are known).

I have always said that informally I am happy to use my married name and we get Christmas cards to Mr & Mrs. I regard this as our family name. I'm happy, my husband is happy (he doesn't care either way) and my in-laws are happy.

I'm pregnant with our first child. We both want the child to have my partners name only, we don't want to go double-barrelled. This will mean I have a different name to my child on all paperwork.

Is this likely to cause any problems? I don't really care if people approve or not, I'm just after knowing if this is likely to throw up things I haven't thought of.

thoughts please

I kept my maiden name for similar reasons to OP. Has caused no problems, I am happy to answer to Mrs DH. I have since renewed my passport and changed it to DH's name just to make travel a bit easier and so I have id with that name on too.

I am myname, DH is hisname, DS is myname-hisname. No problems at all, and for doctors etc, I only ever say 'I'm ringing to make an appointment for my son, Tarquin Farquarson-Smythe', and letters either come to him or 'parents of Tarquin F-S'

I don't respond to Mrs Hisname

I know lots of people who have kept their maiden name and have a different name from their children, but haven't heard of any problems.

Funnily enough, I wasn't remotely attached to my maiden name and wasn't fussed about changing or not changing, but I changed in the end simply because we knew we wanted to have children and I wanted us all to have the same name. If we'd known we weren't going to have kids, I'd probably have kept my maiden name. Not sure why that mattered to me though.

About 30 secs after we got engaged, before she'd even said congratulations, my mother-in-law said: "Of course you'll be changing your name". Which always makes me feel like I shouldn't have, just to annoy her.

It's a really interesting point -- what information is stored on the chips in passports?

Strangely enough, have never had any hassle from immigration despite having different nationality and different surnames to my DCs.

Just airline check in counters

my mum kept her name and I was always really proud of her - although it was rarer then and people at school would say that my parents couldn't possibly be married with different names. but times, thank god, have changed ...

I've kept my name too and DC1 (when s/he lands next year) will have DH's name and I'm sure it won't be a problem.

Although ConstantlyCooking I'm about "The only problem was at passport control when they said that if I travel with the DCS on my own I would need to take birth certs to prove that i am their mother."

I agree with thte majority here, kept my name, dc's have DHs name. No problems with drs, travvelling or anything.

I am sometimes referred to as mrs DH's name which i dont generally mind.

I do mind letters addressed to me as Mrs DHs initial then his surname but they are generally from the older generation! I am also a Dr not a Mrs and sometimes get the assumption that DH is the Dr or that i am male which is bloody insulting. I have even been told (in the bank) that i 'dont look like a doctor' !!

I kept my maiden name and have 2 DSs with DH's surname. The only places I have experienced issues are (i) post office - as I found when we moved home, you cant authorise a redirect for a child unless you have the same surname as them - this is despite the fact I had a birth certificate, passport and baby DS1 with me at the time! and (ii) travelling - as others have said, if you're travelling on your own with your DC, you will need to take the full birth certificate to prove you're their mum. Crazy but true. Never had a problem when travelling as a family with DH and the DC though.

Doctors and school (where DS1 is due to start nursery in September) have all been fine though with me registering DS1 despite not having the same surname.

I've never had to take birth certificates with me when travelling alone with DCs. Maybe it helps that DD looks rather as though she's just been cloned from me?

P&L we got a telling off at Heathrow arrivals for not having birth cert and adoption cert with us. We had to stand to the side while the police radioed in to check that we were DS's parents. Just what we didn't need after a 13 hour flight. At the time he was still travelling on his pre-adoption passport, but his post-adoption passport (when we eventually get around to applying for it) will still have a different surname to both DH and I.

DP and I aren't married - DD has his surname and we've never had any problems. To school I'm just DD's Mum, to anyone else official I'm just Parent/guardian of DD. Never had any issues at airports? Didn't realise that you weren't allowed to travel with children who weren't yours anyway???

I've always had a different surname to my Mum and it's never been an issue. When I was younger she was often Mrs Myname at the doctors & school but I don't think it bothered her. Now all stuff like that, for my still school aged brother, comes addressed to 'the parent or guardian of...'

She did finally get married three years ago. She changed her name and has found it virutally impossible to get the school to change it too.

I have a different name to my DS, the only practical issue I've found I always have to remember to write his name on the back of the nursery cheque if it comes from my book. Otherwise they don't know who it's from

Am all confused - I have never needed anything like birth certs at the airport and I regularly travel without my ds' dad.

My dh was asked if I was around when we entered Portugal last (I was but had gone on ahead with other dc) which is fair enough as he's not on the passport details or has the same name obv - this all leads me to think that the parental info is on the passports.

No no probs and have never had a prob with passports either.

I have a different surname to DS, hasn't caused a single problem. Very occassionally things will be addressed to Mrs Married Name. But it doesn't matter.

I have also travelled internationally with DS with his passport clearly having a different name to mine and it has never been an issue.

I have my surname, DS has his father's surname. I never married DS's dad thankfully and I'm now with DP - yet another surname.
I get school/medical stuff addressed to parent/guardian of DS.
As DS's mother, I took priority over where DS would appear on passports (before he had to have his own).
The only problem with this is my own - people assuming I'm Mrs DS's surname!! I'm not, never have been and want no association with the fuckwit (apart from DS obviously).

Out of interest, what happens if you want to take kids abroad who aren't yours? DP and I were thinking of taking his godson to France but of course he does nto have the same surname as either of us and is not related to us. I had (perhaps naively) assumed you would just go through passport control and it wouldn;t be an issue who his parents are.

Hi all,

Many thanks for all this, you've been really helpful. I think I'm unlikely to travel abroard with DC without DP, although an internal flight is quite likely, so I'll check in advance as there have been different experiences.

I'm going to keep all the paperwork in my maiden name, as I think this is overall going to be easiest solution for us. Assumptions that I'm called Mrs DP won't really bother me - they've got to address you as something, and I don't think this is an unreasonable 'first guess'.

I don't like being addressed by title and surname, primarily as a result of a prior academic career when it all seemed ridiculous, so would always proffer my first name rather than a different surname.

I did giggle at thehairybabymum. The only thing I made clear to friends and family was that I was really happy recieving mail to Mr and Mrs DP. I was also quite happy recieving mail to Dr and Dr DP. However, Dr and Mrs would really annoy me

Actually, the nurse from the doctor's surgery did call once about travel vaccinations for DS and started off with "Is this Mrs DSlastname?" to which I responded "Yes, sort of..." and rather confused her for a while.

I have done exactly as you have - not changed name but am happy to have cards etc addressed to Mr and Mrs. I have found that as children get to school age, I use my married name a bit more (can't be bothered to correct teachers) but on the whole I have not had any problems - the children know I have two names to choose from and they think it's cool. I have even travelled to the USA with my kids, on my own - me on a USA passport in my name and kids on UK passports in dh's name and been fine, I just took a letter saying they were my kids and dh was fine for me to travel alone with them (US immigration v hot about this).

Branflake - if you are going to travel with a child that is not yours, there are template letters online that you can print off and get parents to sign in case you are stopped.

I also have a different surname from my ds's. They both have dp's surname, but my nationality (just to confuse things...). The only irritation I've had so far is as others have already said, being referred to as "Mrs. X", but this is only a minor irritation. Also, in the days when people still had E111 forms the post office refused to let me sign for ds1's ("as it had to be signed by the parent" - grrr) - I just went to another post office who signed it with no problems. I've also travelled on my own a few times with ds1 and no-one has ever questioned the difference in our surnames (yet).

We actually chose for the ds's to have dp's name deliberately because we didn't want them having his nationality and I understand there can be problems for fathers to travel with their children if they have neither the same nationality nor the same surname.

there are alot of women out there that arent married but have given the DC the OH's surname, i was one of them. (am married now) i never encountered any problems but at the end of the day its your business no-one else's. Don't feel under pressure to change your name when you have your own valid reason for keeping your maiden name. x

I haven't had any problems (not married and dd has dp's name) BUT I don't really like not having the same name as her. In fact after I had her I got quite upset about it, unexpectedly, considered and rejected double barrel, ended up giving her my surname as extra middle name. Do'nt feel so upset now and as I say no practical problems, but still a bit of an issue for me emotionally so worth thinking about that because it wasn't something i was aware of until she was here.

Can I just slightly hijack this thread and ask if anyone would know what would happen in my situation? both my dc's have my maiden name on passports and birth certificates as they were born before I got married(to their father)and we chose to give them my maiden name.since our marriage,dcs have been known as our married name at school,doctors etc but thier passports are still in my maiden name.
Will it be a problem travelling abroad with the kids having a different surname to my husband and I? TIA

My children both have my partners surname. We went to France last week and coming back through the UK Border Control at Boulogne, I was carrying my daughter and we went through passport control separately to my partner and son. The lady at the desk said to me "clearly you are related (referring to myself and my daughter), but can I ask what your relationship is?". She then asked where my daughters father was. Fortunately, he was just ahead of us.

I did wonder what would have happened if he had not been travelling with us and it did make me think that if I ever travel abroad alone with the children, that I should investigate the requirementa of individual countries as I know some such as the USA can be strict.

I never had a problem travelling abroad with DS1 having a different surname to the rest of us-it didn't occur to me that I would.I doubt whether I could have proved he was my DS at the airport. I would have thought it was very common. It is just a bit inconvenient sometimes-nothing more.