Can I have some honest opinions please - am I spoiling dd?

[goingnowherefast]

As if I'd get anything other than honest opinions on Mumsnet

DD is 15 months. I don't leave her to cry at all. She still sleeps in my bed for part of the night, isn't a fantastic sleeper, and wakes early. However it hasn't crossed my mind to leave her to cry - I just get up with her/feed her when she wants. I am tired but I am coping.

Also when she gets upset in the day I usually try and look for a way to stop her being upset, whatever she wants I try and give her (unless it's something she really CAN'T have, for example the other day she wanted to play with some old cigarette ends on the floor outside a hotel!). Like yesterday - we were in the park for ages but she cried when we went to put her in the pram to go home, so I got her out again and let her play more. We weren't especailly in a hurry. However people have said that I pander to her too much and should be teaching her she can't always have her way. She doesn't get her way all the time, of course, but if it's something that may inconvenience me slightly but doesn't really matter, I let it go.

Am I spoiling her? Should I be being stricter or trying to get her to fit around us more?

I think what you are doing sounds fine though agree with port & lemon on the presentation of things...more so as she gets bigger. Also Blu speaks sense i reckon.

Re bed, the only thing i think is that as they get older is that they can be disturbed by you so she might actually sleep better in her own bed.

Ive just taken the sides off DS"'s cot bed at 21 months and he is fine (does falls out sometimes but doesnt even wake), i have a quilt on the floor so it's a soft bump. I think 15 months with a bed guard would be fine.

"She still sleeps in my bed for part of the night, isn't a fantastic sleeper, and wakes early. However it hasn't crossed my mind to leave her to cry - I just get up with her/feed her when she wants. I am tired but I am coping." Not spoilt if that's what you want to do

"whatever she wants I try and give her " Yes spoilt

So, sweetfall, you think it's a good idea to deliberately upset a 15 month old by purposely not giving them something they want?

It'll toughen her up for the real world, right?!

Yes I think its a bad idea to give any child whatever they want whenever they want it. There is not some magical age when it is ok to give them everything then suddenly not. It is a gradual thing.

There is no harm in toddlers learning no you can't have that and not now and responding to every single whim leads to brattishness

"deliberately upset" is provocative by the way and I'm sorry I won't rise to it. There is no reason not to say no and deflect attention to something else IME

"After ten years and three kids I now believe almost every style of parenting has upsides and downsides, so you might as well go with the one that naturally works for you. "

Amen to that!

sweetfall, we are talking about a 15 month old

what she wants will be stuff like "mummy picking me up", "feeding ducks"

Not "latest nintendo games and keys to the car"

Think there is a good balance here => "She doesn't get her way all the time, of course, but if it's something that may inconvenience me slightly but doesn't really matter, I let it go.". Thats the way to do it, IMO. And of course as they get older, you get to give in less.

Think wider arguement is that I tend to think a 15 mo will be asking only for stuff she does need, on some level. So its right that I try to do what she wants.

VERY different by the time they hit about 3.

My older kids don't have any problem with being told "no" (well they don't LIKE it-who does? but they get it and generally comply). They are not spoilt.

well it depends whether she wants to feed ducks when you're about to put on the dinner and be picked up whilst you're washing up doesn't it

like most things on fora the written word is always read with ones own perceptions in place.

So if you're standing by a duck pond and she wants to feed the ducks then not spoilt. But if you're standing in your kitchen and she does and you drop everything to go and feed the ducks = spoilt

I think its pretty clear that isn't what the OP meant.

"She doesn't get her way all the time, of course, but if it's something that may inconvenience me slightly but doesn't really matter, I let it go."

And she gave the example of staying at the park, perhaps slightly against her own preferances but without it mattering much.

I think its about sensibly showing kids that there are other people's needs to consider, BUT that they matter too. If my kids always asked only for reasonable requests that did not put me out to meet, then I'd always say yes. I don't believe in saying no for the sake of it. Fortunately, I am not in that situation, and I have plenty of opportunities to say no to my kids

OP - I could have written your post so I'm glad someone worries abou this too!

My dd is 17 months, still gets up several times a night and usually ends it in our bed! I don't agree with letting her cry and I too try to give her what she wants.

I figure when she is older and better able to understand the word 'no', then I can work on the not spoilt thing.

I agree with most of the posts. If you are completely inconveniencing yourself because your DC wants to do something or if they are doing something dangerous then you should say no and mean it. If it is something that you wouldn't mind doing, give your DC the option instead of waiting until they cry and then giving in.