Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

parents of high-needs (grumpy) children/toddlers. How did you EVER have another child?!

43 replies

beesonmummyshead · 27/07/2009 09:41

hello. Dd is almost 2 and has always been an incredibly high-needs child. needs to be stimulated 24 hours a day. even when watching tv she needs to be sat on ym lap taliing to me about it. She can play alone, for maybe 20 minutes, but needs me to be involved most of the time.

I work part-time but our days together involve an awful lot of going out, either to play centres/attractions, people's houses, or long walks, mainly because it is easier for me to manage her when i am out - i don't seem to feel the pressure when we are out, mainly because the main purpose of me being out is to entertain her!

anyway, i have absolutely no desire to have another child as dd is such unbelievable hard work. if i even dream of going near another child she screams "NO!, MY MUMMY" and tries to hit them/prise them off me.

Now i know she is young, but please reassure me that she will become easier as she gets older and might one day relish the thought of a brother/sister?

for the record we weren't planning on having another for a couple of years anyway, but I waned to hear your stories please?

OP posts:

angel1976 · 28/07/2009 20:34

ChasingSquirrels - We live in hope as DS1 is so difficult that we think we are 'owed' an easy one for DS2. Otherwise, I want my money back!

Hormonesnomore · 28/07/2009 20:39

angel - my fingers are crossed for you!

GothMummy · 28/07/2009 20:49

bees - I thought your post was written by me, LOL! DS was exactly the same... still is but now he is almost 4 he has settled a little and can play for maybe 5 mins at a time on his own. I would now love another child, even though DS wakes me up at 5.30am saying "what are we going to do today Mummy"... I guess I have got used to the exhaustion, never sitting down and the trashed house??

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

angel1976 · 28/07/2009 20:49

Ha ha - Me too... Anyway, we won't be having any more so easy or difficult, at least we can take comfort in the fact that there won't be anymore to deal with after this one!

Original poster

beesonmummyshead · 28/07/2009 21:27

think i am reassured by some of your stories! am hopeful that in a couple of years she would be able to share me for some of the time whilst i look after a (please god) calmer baby!

not toally reassured that this will ever be possible though. might need to find energy for sex first

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 28/07/2009 23:32

when I was pg with ds2 everyone (LITERALLY EVERYONE) said to me, lots of time, it won't be as easy/laid-back/calm etc as ds1.
"I know" I said - like fuck I did!!!

LeonieSoSleepy · 29/07/2009 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WoTmania · 29/07/2009 09:39

accidentally at 8 months. DC2 was a dream (anything would after DS1). We now have 3.

MrsTittleMouse · 29/07/2009 09:47

DH used to ask if we were doing anything to make DD1 so demanding. I used to wish that we were doing something "wrong" as then we could stop doing it and have a much easier life!

waitingforbedtime · 29/07/2009 09:57

I have found this thread interesting. My DS is just as you have described (and an only child!!). I thought he was a 'normal' toddler. Isn't he?

He has always been like this. When he was tiny he was awake every day from 6am until 11pm, he only started sleeping through at 2 years old. Now, at 2.5 he cannot be in the house all day or even in the house and garden, he likes to go places, see people, do things. He wants entertained constantly.

Ceebee74 · 29/07/2009 10:34

Waitingforbedtime - lol, I believe there are some toddlers out there that are happy to spend a day at home, playing for long periods quietly by themselves and do not need constant entertainment (my friends have such toddlers) - however I was given a very 'high-needs' one!! It is funny because when I try and explain to my friends that we absolutely have to get out of the house and go somewhere (park/soft play etc) every day I think they think I am a bit mad!

But, on the plus side, my 'high-needs' DS1 is just gorgeous and funny and loveable and kissable and has always slept much better than my friends DC's.....just wish that very occasionally he would go and play trains by himself for just 10 minutes!!

angel1976 · 29/07/2009 14:05

I have to say I kinda understand what hmc is saying so I don't think it's fair for everyone to jump on her for her comments as she did say 'some of us' not all! While on one hand, of course I can see that DS1's personality is inherent in him... BUT I can also see that because he is a PFB, I probably haven't helped in the way I behave towards him. I was definitely over-protective of him in the beginning but who wouldn't be? You are a first-time mum and that protective instinct is very powerful! There are already things I would do differently with DS2 when he comes along... Hell, there's already some things I have started to do differently with DS1.

For example, when we go to my inlaws, DS1 goes literally nuts because he has so many people to pay him attention, they have a huge property for him to explore and lots of toys there for him. So much so that he would not go for his nap (when he loves his naps at home and will willingly go for a nap). He will scream, scream and scream if we put him in the cot. I used to just give him to him and make excuses like 'oh, they don't have blackout blinds in the room etc'. But then it means he is hell to deal with for the rest of the afternoon and not sleep well that night. Finally, I cracked and just left him in his cot a few weeks ago while we were visiting. He screamed for 15 minutes and then fell asleep for 1.5 hours! The next day while we were still there, he willing went to sleep for 2 hours! So yes, I completely see where hmc comes from!

waitingforbedtime · 29/07/2009 18:24

Ceebee - this is why I find potty training difficult at the minute - it is soooooooooooo hard to stay in the house or even house and garden all day. It causes meltdown!

I am hating the summer holidays in some ways because all his classes he goes to (gymnastics, footie etc etc) are closed until end august!! Makes me feel like a bad mummy saying that, I adore him and love spending time with him but at least the classes take the pressure off a bit, sometimes I feel like an unpaid red coat!!

I do have to say there are DEFINITELY things I could and maybe should ahve done differently. I would undoubtedly have to do them differently with any future kids as I wouldnt have the time to 'spoil' him.

Wouldnt change him for the world though...x

bigchris · 29/07/2009 18:34

i agree with ssd and hmc

my bf always says her dd is high needs, demanding etc etc

but when we meet up her dd is just the same as most toddlers i know, including my two
they just cope with siblings because they have to
and wont you end up resenting her if you dont have another child because of the one you already have?

Smithagain · 29/07/2009 18:51

Our firstborn was pretty intense as a baby - a bit less so as a toddler, but still highly strung.

We never particularly felt that there would be an "easy" time to have no. 2, but made the rational decision that we wanted more than one child and that we'd better get on with it at some point. Aimed for a three year age gap, rather than two, because there seemed better odds of having one out of nappies etc, and went for it.

The two DDs are three years and two weeks apart. DD2 was MUCH more laid back as a baby, so the baby months were easier than expected. She's been a fairly demanding toddler at times, but by the time she was two, DD1 was at school, which does cut down on the juggling somewhat.

And they entertain each other. But it took about three years for that to start happening, so don't hold your breath!!!

lovechoc · 29/07/2009 21:02

I personally couldn't have a small age gap between DS and another child. It won't happen now anyway as he is just over 2yo, so there will be at least 3 years between DS and a sibling. No idea when that will happen, nature doesn't always work things out the way you want sadly. Leaving it all down to fate!

anyway, it is hard work with a toddler, so I totally empathise with you OP.

mrswill · 29/07/2009 21:12

Nice to see others with the same situation! From newborn dd was like this, she just seemed 'with it'. She would protest if cuddled or bf with no amusement, and really hated when the car stopped or if she sensed it was slowing down, as if things ceased being interesting. From about 6 months, dd would crack up if we were in the house all day, and just whinge constantly, and only ever seemed happy if we were out and about in places that were full of people and lots of things going on. At one she is still the same. There hasnt been one single day that we've stayed in since shes reached 6 months! I cant believe it when friends tell me they've stayed in for the day with their lo! If i stay in the house longer than usual, i just feel like im fighting a losing battle with the 'im bored' immense whinging. It is hard work, and at the end of the day im exhausted from entertaining, traipsing the fecking roads, thinking up new games to play, places to go etc, but she DOES sleep well in the night, and only ever wakes up if ill. TBH i dont think i will have another child, me and dp dont feel we have the mental or physical energy to deal with another if they are like dd, as much as we love her as she is.

KTNoo · 29/07/2009 23:37

I honestly think (now, in retrospect, several years down the line) that the best thing was to have another child (or in my case, 2 more) so that my highly demanding dd1 has company. Yes, we had a difficult few years and yes, they do fight, but it would be sooooo much more full-on for me if I had stuck at one dc.

They are now 8, 6 and 3 though. I remember the feeling of just waiting for bedtime with dd1. Then today I looked out of the window and they were all playing together - they had made a pile of sticks and were pretending to cook food on their fire. They did this the whole morning.

Hang in there, it will get better. My dd still has the same personality, but at least she goes to school now, and I can give her a new book to read if I'm desperate.

Flip

1 2