Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Is it o.k to ask someone not to smoke in their own house ??

43 replies

mummyloveslucy · 22/07/2009 19:44

Hi, my Aunty and Nan have invited us over to theres for a holiday. We would love to go and see them again but the problem is, they both smoke.
I don't want my 4 year old daughter to be around smoke, but can't ask them not to in their own house. It's annoying as we'd really like to go. My daughter loves my Nan and aunty and hasn't seen them in ages.
What do you think I should do?
(BTW, I don't want to insult all the smokers on MN.)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 22/07/2009 20:05

Thanks everyone, actually, I remember my Nan saying she never smoked upstairs or in the kitchen. I think that's where we'll be hanging out then. Lol

OP posts:

Emmaroo · 22/07/2009 20:06

My MIL smokes ALOT - the house smells awful. Ive told DH that if she sparks up whilst me and DH are there Im off. She hasnt yet. DH doesnt like to stay there long (3 hours at the most)- otherwise I think I would suggest we stay overnight at a hotel just so that we werent breathing in the stench or putting MIL out.
I once smoked and now cant believe how awful its smells and how awful people who smoke smell.
MIL even said that she doesnt like to visit her other grandkids as she cant smoke inside - isnt that disgraceful!

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 22/07/2009 20:08

Yes that is disgraceful.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

brimfull · 22/07/2009 20:08

I don't think there is any harm in you staying there whilst they smoke.
God I was exposed to massesof cigarette smoke as a child as oads of 60's 70's kids were and am fine.
I really don't think a few days/week will harm her that much will it?

brimfull · 22/07/2009 20:09

I am non-smoker btw.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 22/07/2009 20:11

I don't know to be honest. You hear so many horror stories.
I suppose we'll be out and about most of the time and my daughter will be playing in the garden a lot.
As a one off, I'm not sure.

OP posts:

hercules1 · 22/07/2009 20:12

ggirl - for me it wouldn't be the potential harm (although I do have health problems probably related to heavy smoker parents), it would be the smell on my dd and the thought of her breathing it in. Not rational, probably not fair but still the way I would feel.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 22/07/2009 20:13

My daughter dosn't even know what smoking is bless her. My aunty came and stayed last year and smoked outside. My daughter saw her and said "What are you eating?"

OP posts:

brimfull · 22/07/2009 20:14

yeh that's this age isn't it
we're all a but too paranoid

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 22/07/2009 20:17

True. I could send her in wearing a face marsk, that shoud give them the message.

OP posts:

KirstyJC · 22/07/2009 20:18

We haven't visited my PIL for over 3 years because of this very thing....they are both very heavy smokers, and although last time they both went outside their house stank! They have leather furniture which holds the smell of fags really badly; I actually felt sick after several hours in the house. (And both DH and I are ex-smokers too). We only stayed one afternoon - and they live almost 3 hours away.

We never have told them why we don't visit but I'm pretty sure they know. They haven't asked us back anyway!

If there are areas in the house that they don't smoke in, then you could make sure you hang out in those as much as possible.

plimple · 22/07/2009 20:20

For me it wouldn't be the health risk really just my own tolerance. Could you tolerate sleeping in a stinky smokey house? I really couldn't. I hate going to sleep with a bad smell there, and smoke really gets up your nose. A loud noise is solved with ear plugs, bright lights with eye mask, but how do you sleep without smelling/breathing?

PrefetParfait · 22/07/2009 20:22

You can't ask them not to smoke in the house.

You can't expect them not to smoke.

I would probably drop into convo that you are thinking about it but you (or blame DH if you want to ) haven't decided yet because of the smoke. That would give them the opportunity to offer to smoke in a single room/ouside.

My parents always smoke in the kitchen (inteh doorway so verging on being outside). when we are there. It is better than nothing and IMO an acceptible compromise considering it is their house.

Doing it this was also gives you flexiblity to still choose as you haven't said you won't come. You haven't said you will...but you can test the water.

PuppyMonkey · 22/07/2009 20:28

Just say you won't be coming cos they smoke and you don't want dd to be in a smokey house.

They should offer to smoke only outside if they have any decency.

guia13 · 07/11/2016 02:31

This is a difficult subject. And I can speak as a former smoker living in southern California in the knew millennium where thank God the rights of the 'non-smoker' are validated. I was in Italy visiting an old friend. Her and her husband invited me for dinner. They smoked non stop, lighting up a cigarette back to back, while they were cooking, in-between courses, after desert and coffee.... And because it was summertime and hot, they didn't want to open the windows as it would let out the AC.. the smoking was so bad my eyes were blood shot and my chest was killing me. I would stand on their small patio just to get some air, and had to tell them the reason when they asked me why. They told me their daughter had said she would not bring over future grandchildren unless they stopped... they acknowledged how their smoking was alienating them. But it seemed like the more they self-deprecated the more they smoked. It was a long 6 hours .... Then the next day they wanted us back for lunch, and then back for dinner. I went back and this time they let me keep window open. But it was still awful. So I realized that while you cannot tell someone to not smoke in their own home, you can tell them that you wish to not go over there because how the smoke bother's you. In some cases it's just a blind spot. And you have to be really frank and straight forward. If I visit them again I will simply say it that I cannot hang at their house but that we can meet in a restaurant which sucks because they are great cooks... I would suggest staying in a hotel and simply stating why. It's one thing to not want to be at someone's house because you are a snob and don't like their neighborhood or something equally shallow. But smoking is another thing... It would be if someone refused to stay at my home because they were allergic to my dog... they would not expect me to get rid of my pet for their sake, but I would understand their problem.

Jenny70 · 07/11/2016 03:40

Even if they do step outside, surely the house and furniture/curtains will all stink?

I would stay at a B&B, pop over, spend time out with them, if they light up, then say you need to go etc. At least you're minimising time in that environment.

Either be honest about reason for B&B or claim that DD sleeps badly and you wouldn't be comfortable disturbing them in their house.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 07/11/2016 06:07

ZOMBIE THREAD from 2009.

The OP will have made her decision by now.

Hallenwisr · 13/03/2019 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Flip

1 2