PLEASE help me become a better mum - or just not the atrocious one I am now.

[NoseyHelen]

I have an 11 month old DS and almost 3 yr old DD. It seems that much of our day is spent watching CBeebies and me shouting. I can't take anymore, and I dare say the children aren't too impressed either.

My DS is thoroughly miserable. All he does is moan and whine. He is only happy if he is attached to me which means I can get nothing done because he is pulling at me and he'll fall over if I carry on with the laundry etc.

DD is turning into a little brat and I am sick of her tantrums.

I am upstairs on PC at the moment trying to get 5 minutes head space. DD is in hallway screaming and pulling at her brother whislt he sreams his head of and pulls at the stairgate. When I go down it will be impossible to get through stair gate because DS is trying to climb up my leg.

There is no escape. I have few friends and no family around here. I am in these 4 walls with my miserable children all day, every day. I am married but obviously DH is at work.

Their noise has crescendoed as I write this and I have put them in their rooms kicking and screaming (which I have never done before but it is just too much).

How do I become a mum who can cope with this situation which I guess it not that far removed from a lot of other mum's lives?

Definately get out everyday, and make a plan each week of what you are going to do each day - try asking dd what she would like to do (swimming/park/soft play/shops etc etc). Make a list of 5-10 activities, some for wet and some for dry, you could do through the week. I go mad if I haven't got a plan for each morning and afternoon, and ds climbs the walls if we don't get out. We even went to Ikea the other day - he loved having a run round and "playing" in all the little houses, opening cupboards, trying beds etc. Better than being at home and driving each other up the walls!
I have started reading the how to talk book about how to become less shouty - it might help you to with dd.
Turn the tv off; maybe she's whining cos she's bored and the background noise isn't helping.
Grit your teeth and start a conversation at toddler group.....I always try to be nice if someone talks to me, because we've all been there and it's really hard. I had to think up a reason to take a phone number from a mum at m&b group as I couldn't admit the real reason I wanted to keep in touch was because I wanted a friend!!! (we still see each other every week, 2.5 yrs later!!!!)

1 it will get better
2 follow all advice here and get out. older one in wellies, younger in buggy/ sling. You will feel better.
3 We're all crap at it until the routine of a pre-school kicks in.
4

Could you put the nearly three yr old in playgroup?
They usually go for a couple of hours in the morning or afternoon.
You could have time with DS, then go to the park when you pick DD up.
They can watch TV when you get home after lunch.
Honestly , make it easy for yourself.

Thanks everyone for you suggestions. I've writtne then down and will work out what I can implement.

So, the How to talk book - is that 'How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk '? Just looked it up on Amazon and looks very good - although I think a lot of my problem is that I fly off the handle and say awful things rather than thinking carefully before talking.

Toddler Groups - I am pinning my hopes on a new area = new mums to meet at toddler groups. However, I feel queasy just thinking about starting a conversation and know that I will stutter a little. I certainly cannot imagine asking someone if they fancy a coffee. I have never done that in my life. It would seem too intimate, for want of a better word.

Are my chidren hungry/tired - well DD cannot be hungry because she eats more than me but she often says she is tired but will not go for a nap, even if I make a nice bed up for her on the sofa so she doesn't feel that she is missing out by going to her room. DS has 2 naps a day. I suspect he is hungry because he does not have any milk feed between 7am and 7pm so he just has a couple of snacks and his 3 main meals with a small amount of water. I've spent 10 months trying to get him to take a bottle/cup. He will take a small amount of water but no milk.

Suggestions re cuddles/sling for DS. He doesn't actually want a cuddle. He just wants to make sure I am there so holds on to my leg all the time. If it was a cuddle he wanted it wouldn't be so bad because I'd enjoy that too.

Going to supermarket - I'll try that once we've moved. At the mo I go on my own on a Saturday. We haven't got a drive to park on so the unloading would be a nightmare - and I can't unpack whilst my DS is holding on to my leg. Our new house has a drive. It's funny how so silly things make a difference.

Local mumsnetters - is there a way to find them. I can't remember if it is mumsnet or netmums (hush my mouth!) that links up local mums.

Thanks again for all your support and telling me that I am not the only Shouty Mum and that it will get better - I shall hold you all to it!

Sometimes we go to the supermarket for one or two items amd have a drink in the cafe before heading back. So don't think you have toi do a big shop - make it a challenge for your dc to find the item you need.
Tips for talking to poeple at mums n tots:
Look out for some else who is new and make them welcome.
Someone with similar age dc so you can chat about likes and dislikes and makes it easier to invite people over.
It is easier to ask for info ie, "do you know of any dancing classes?"
Pay compliments about other's children - often gets people talking.
I know it is easy to say this stuff but I am speaking from experience. I am a very shy person but we moved house last oct and I used this to make a fesh start and often played the can you help me find . . card. I've make a couple of good friends that way and feel much happier.
Also my local (whispers) netmums site is very good for local meet ups.

Deep breath and go for it.

he wants to hold on your leg becuase he isnt sure...
hey re coffee, one day as oyu are leaving say " sorry am in a hurry this week but can oyu normally meet up on another day?"

adn see how it feels

Please call parentline 0808 800 2222 (24/7) they will give you time to voice how you're feeling and maybe some ongoing support. Good luck and remeber we all feel like this at times .

another good one is your local NCT group. Give them a call or look them up on the internet & give them a call again when you move house.

Agree, very important to get out everyday. Sometimes, even going out immediately after breakfast ( & then coming back to clean tea/wash faces/kitchen) gets the day off to a good start.

Also try to break your day into chunks - turn lunch into an activity for DD, make pizza/wraps - but do let her get on with it (clear up while they have a bit of tv after lunch)

Please try not to shout though...it's horrible & they will just end up shouting at you.

If you can hold on 'til September you will meet some people through pre-school and you will certainly be asked to join the committee as everyone new always is (there are never enough volunteers).

Nosey , you say

'Our new house has a drive. It's funny how so silly things make a difference.'

Not so! The quality of my parenting improved beyond measure when I go t me both a drive and a downstairs loo.
Heaven!

Oh man, I laughed when I saw your thread. Not at your expense, but it was sort of comforting to know that it was also hard at home in the UK.

Ypou see I am at several disadvantages:

1. I am a man living in rural Bavaria. Conservative attitudes rule here.

1. Language. I've learnt the basics but they speak the local Patios. Nightmare to understand.

1. Cliqishness - Already estaböished friendships mean I am not in. Being a bloke they are a bit nervous with me in there.