Have no idea how to manage my DDs sensitivity, just had an awful experience and need some help

[CrushWithEyeliner]

DD is 2.5. I have posted about her before, she is highly sensitive to everything always has been - to food smells, labels, atmospheres and people. She is also a deep little thinker and likes to have an explanation for everything. Her vocabulary is extensive and she is v tall and comes across as a much older child. She is fun loving but it doesn't come naturally to her iyswim. She will never dive in. 99% of the time this is easy to manage if I am there to reassure her she will loosen up but it is hard at times.

I like to take her to the park and she will start to have great fun on a ride but as soon as another child comes to join she runs away. She does this with 15m old babies so not just bigger children. This morning I got SO frustrated with her and kept telling her we will go if she doesn't play and have fun, reassure her the other children will not bother her but she just kept running away, one of the Mums started talking (not particularly gently) to her asking her to go on the roundabout which just makes her worse. I did my stock phrase "she's a bit shy" and she just gave me a funny look. Nice.

I wanted to cry there and then. Then she got freaked again and stopped halfway on a high slide and tried to come off. I grabbed her off and told her off that she did such a silly, dangerous thing. She was sobbing and so was I . I feel like shit so please don't have a go, I know I shouldn't have done that to her. I want to know how I manage this; do I keep going to the playground? How will she cope with pre-school in Sept? How shall I handle this so she doesn't get worse? I am very fragile here.

My dd was very much the same at the same age, crush. She was invited to a party at a soft play centre, filled with screaming children running around like mad things. Even in the quieter baby area she was petrified of the little ones!

She burst into tears as soon as we walked in the door and just didn't stop. She was genuinely distressed, I was stuck between feeling like an awful mother for upsetting her so much, and feeling like an awful mother if I took her out and she never went to a party again.

She is 3.3 now and much better. She still takes time to 'warm up' to a new place or situation, and is still a bit wary of other children (especially if she thinks they may push or shove) but loads better to the point that we can now enjoy parks, play areas and parties!

I think it is just a matter of time... Hopefully this too shall pass for you.

As a shy DC myself there was nothing worse than people explaining that I was shy! It was horrible. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. She is probably highly intelligent and weighs up situations first-not everyone is extrovert. She will do it in her own time-it isn't anything you can force. I think it took me until I was about 26yrs!!

' We just don't value this personality type in our society but there are lots of advantages to it. '

I agree. My DS1 was like it-he wasn't in the least shy, but he was reserved.

you could be describing my dd too, who's also 2.5. I find it really hard in situations like you describe at the park, or anywhere other children are...it makes me feel sad when I see the other kids all running around having fun, when my dd won't venture onto anything at the park if another child is on it!

she also freaks out if strangers try to chat to her, like in the supermaket if the checkout lady asks her something she screams 'NO!', and I feel it makes her look rude and like I'm not teaching her manners...

She's noisy and sociable and totally normal and loving with people she knows well so I'm not too worried about her behaviour with those she doesn't know. I read somewhere about a similar child whose mother described her as nervous, and that rang true for me. I'm hoping that as she grows her 'nervousness' will lessen, and I'll keep taking her to social situations and hope that she gets a bit more confident. she's due to start nursery this August and I feel it could go either way, but I certainly anticipate staying there with her every time she goes for the first 2 weeks!

Sorry, there's nothing really helpful in my post, I just had to write as I felt comfort knowing other dcs out there are the same!

Frustrated here too. We had to pick ds1 up less than an hour after drop-off at daycamp on Thursday. He had gotten bored of going (half-day program) and decided to run off and hide! Practically the entire science museum staff had to drop everything and go look for him Just when I had thought things were getting better...

Have been meaning to post on this thread for ages, but now have the time to (been sent to bed with suspected swine flu!)

Dd1 (3.4) is very watchful, she has friends (who she is quite bossy with), but in toddler group situations she just wants to hold my hand, I think it is all a bit random for her. When we did a morning at preschool she loved it because there was structure (still didn't leave my side though!). The preschool teacher has said to come in and leave her by degrees, each time she will do an activity just with her to help her feel safe - maybe this is something you could talk to your preschool about.

We are lucky because as dd2 (2.2), who is bolder, has got older dd1 will go off with dd2 at the playground, I think it makes her feel safer. Is there someone you know with a siilar age child that you could have round for coffee, so your lo's could bond a bit?

It is very hard to do stuff with her sometimes, as I want so much for her to join in(she loves it when she does), but I can see the fear in her eyes. She does preschool gymnastics, and I am the only mum who has to go in with their lo. Last week the teacher suggested I sit on the bench, and dd was beside herself, screaming, crying and then she wet herself, it was horrible. On the way out I heard 2 of the mums talking about how important it was to let your kids be independent, it made me feel like shit. Dd has been like it since she was tiny. Dh was v sensitive when little, and he is one of the loveliest (and friendliest)people I know, so I have faith that it is just part of who she is, and if we are gentle with her she will grow into a lovely, frindly person.

BTW I was very 'shy' as a child (I didn't talk at all for the 1st few months of school!)one of the things that really helped was doing singing and drama, it seemed that inside I had an extrovert showoff desperate to get out. I was never scared to go on stage to sing or act!

Sorry for the long rambling nature of this post - blame the swine flu!