Beware the mummy martyrs

[poshsinglemum]

We all love to give of our ourselves to our kids. But how much is too much? What are the traits of a mummy martyr? I want to avoid this if I can.
A classic example-

Me: Did we throw our food on the floor when we were little like dd?

Mum; Well when you were little there was never enough food to throw.
Sigh.

Well we are still alive and babies don't know how much food there is in the cupboard!They will throw regardless.

Yes, that is the best strategy, leave your DW in her happy martyred state, you know it's best

(you do realise that your DW has probably buggered up the laundry loads of times, however she will keep that to yourself and there will obviously have been a reason for it. However if you made a mistake it will be indefensible and used in arguments for a good couple of years!)

Thanks, Sweetni and Getorf, much appreciated. when I have time I'll look them up in their entirety, meanwhile, got to cook supper, wash, iron, feed the 5 thousand, perform miracles and ALL whilst trying to drink a bottle of wine before sports evening at school, beat that! (Oh God, I hate exclamation marks)

Some towels and things will need a hot wash, some things can only be washed on cold, some jeans need to be turned inside out otherwise you will get white tramlines, some jeans need to be washed the right way round for the same reason, the list goes oooooon.

Grammar - I am a devil for exclamation marks, overuse them all the time. I then go on a thread where people say how much they hate exclamation marks and I burn with shame.

What the hell was this thread about again

oh god this thread brings back AWFUL memories of horrible mealtimes!

Mum used to make sure we ate everything on our plate, whether we liked it or not (liver??) we were very very poor and often had mystery tea when dad keft (you used to be able to buy label-less tins from supermarkets for about 20p for 20 or something and itw as those)

If we didn't eat it it was served up cold for every meal until it was gone. Once i was offered the same plate of liver and onions for 4 days

It's no wonder that i have problems with food is it?!

My gran used to have many many meals a day breakfast, elevenses, lunch, afternoon tea, then proper tea at 4:30/5pm then supper and was highly offended if you didn't eat everything as "a pension doesn't go you know" so again forcefeeding there.

MumofMonsters, that IS a bit OTT!

I am a martyr when it comes to cleaning the kitchen/bathroom. Beat this if you can who likes cleaning the toilet?

Not the best cleaner or dh or my mum is ever allowed to clean my bathroom. Everybody is idiot and will clean first the toilet then will use the same cloth/sponge to clean the rest. That's my irrational fear . Only i can do it righ

I was one of eight including four strapping boys.

In my house, if you didn't eat quickly then you didn't eat

The first time DH came over to eat when we were all at home he was faintly traumatised

Before you start the laundry, make sure you've reviewed the material on the Theory of Constraints. Then check the weather to see whether or not you can dry anything outside (whites only please, and no towels, because you'll bleach coloureds and make towels crunchy otherwise).

Then check the respective washing and drying times for each load, and work out which constraint you're going to elevate - tumbling time or line time (this assumes that, like most people, you don't have quite enough clothes pegs). Don't forget to prioritise whatever it is that there's only one of and has to be worn tomorrow.

Once you've established your laundry strategy, then you'll be able to sort through the piles, take the underwires out of the bras, and make sure all of the velcro fastenings are firmly closed etc etc.

But your wife will have done it all by then anyway.

HTH

ABetaDad, I think you should be applauded for your enthusiasm.

I am an enormous martyr about washing. I refuse to let anyone wash anything and then moan about how much there is. Until recently, I was under the impression that I had a Phd in laundrology. However, I came home yesterday to discover my husband had put a load on, put it through an extra spin cycle and hung it on the line. Only one (slight) colour risk item included and when I pounced on it as evidence of his incompetence, he nonchalantly said, "It's OK, I put a colour catcher in"

He's been watching me.

Laquitar, I have actually SEEN a few people clean the toilet first and then use the same cloth for the sink and bath. I once caught an (ex) cleaner doing this and had to stop her moving on the kitchen with it

I'm thinking of having some therapy so I can stop trying to spy on my current cleaner.

This thread is so funny cos its so true. DH used to put laundry on when I was at work I would get home to a pile of wet washing on the kitchen table and he is looking all pleased with himself saying "I did some washing for you as I knew youd be tired" I then say, so what you gonna do with it now?? Just leave it there? I then saw what he had washed darks, whites & towels but hed say "its ok cos I washed it at 40 degrees". I now moan about the amount of washing but never let him near it. Oh abetadad we got a new washing machine last year my DH read the intructions and put the first load in and then proceeded to watch the whole feckin wash cos it was digital!

Ah thanks princess. You see? i am not mad

theDreadPirate

Many thanks for your excellent advice on reviewing the Theory of Constraints. I used to teach Queuing Theory and Project Management but I am totally embarrased to say I had come at this laundry problem without considering those two disciplines. They both contain core elements of Theory of Constraints and of course as you have quite rightly alluded this is a classical Operations Research scheduling problem.

If I get your drift correctly, I think I should be applying an Integer Programming approach to optimising the work schedule across all loads with items of clothing obviously take on integer values and then optimise in n dimensional euclidian space. I will of course need to include empirical probability distributions for weather and unscheduled child induced laundry emergencies.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to get the underwire out of a bra.

Wow! So many laundry martyrs.

princess2 - could you explain 'colour catcher' to me. Just asking out of idle curiosity like .

I am a martyr with my dcs,
only my martyrdom is there was no kids tv when I was a little girl except for 20mins after school, but I was minded by my nannie who watched SNOOKER
Oh wow is me

ABD - forgot to mention that of course there'll be differing time requirements for both wash loads and dryer loads - you'll have to be careful with the granularity of your integers. But you lost me at euclidian space

I wash everything all bunged in together at 30 or 40 degrees depending on whim. Have only ever had one disaster (with red tea towel from pound shop) but have saved hours of hassle. We all look OK turned out.

Despite this, is still me (and not DH) that does all the washing.

DreadPirate - lol at the Theory of Constraints - love it

Abetadad - buy a string bag for bras.

Dh actually does as least as much washing as me, if not more. Because he has been inducted into the mysteries of the way of laundry (a home study course is available from www.doityourselfifyouaregoingtomakesuchafussaboutitthen.co.uk at a very reasonable £199.99 plus VAT - all proceeds to the Home for Retired Laundry Maids).

Colour catchers are little sachets that you put in the wash with your mixed load that are supposed to catch any stray dyes before they make it onto the lights/whites and ruin them.

I think you need a separate laundry technicians thread

ABD, please don't do as I did and wash your extra-grubby towels at 90degrees - the binding gathered up and I now have towels with comedy frills at each end.

So glad someone else is a laundry slattern like me

I do lights and darks and that's it (sometimes a towel wash if there are enough) and it all goes on at 30 or 40 and we haven't had a leakage problem (but then none of us wear red )

I did a great laundry rationalisation yesterday. I counted 9 towels dotted around the bathroom. 6 of them passed the sniff test, and were promptly folded and returned to the hot press.