Coming to terms with no more babies 'cause I am too old

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

I have two DCs but would have liked a third.

Now I am too old, going into early menopause, youngest DC is 8 in a few days so its just not gonna happen.

All the time I thought it was a possibility, however remote, I held on to the hope. But now even the possiblity has gone and I am finding it hard to accept.

It seems like the loss of my fertility is the beginning of being old.

I know there are MNers who are probably screaming at their laptops that I should just be bloody grateful I have any DCs. And I am - I treasure and dote on them both.

You are lucky that you have two dc, but it doesn't mean that you aren't experiencing grief for the children you will not have.

Is it possible that your GP could refer you to talk to somebody about your early menopause? I know there is a connection but I feel that wanting another baby and feeling older are seperate issues, and that when you can identify which one is getting you down you can do something about it.

But I don't really know what I'm talking about, so if it's rubbish please ignore me.

I am so depressed that I cant have any more children. My husband has banded the weight card about in front of me for three years. He said if i lost weight he would agree, he is vain has has always had weight issues with women. I went to see a leading fertility expert who squashed my husband myths on its head. he told me to get started right away and that i was not in a dangerous catogory. My husband said this was rubbish and insisted i went to see his own doctor. His own doctor told me to get cracking right away regarless of the few extra stone I am carrying. I am 43. I have asked my husband if this is an excuse and a stalling thing cause he doesnt want any more children and that the case i will move on to new aspects of my life. He categorically said it wasnt. I wasnt convinced so a place that I have deferred at Uni for the last two years I have told him I am going to take it up this year as I have to have closure on this and now he is threatening me with comments he says he is joking but he makes comments that he might think about moving on if i do something else. I am so depressed.

Blimey Windswept, if anyone's moving on and up it's you. Cheeky bastard who does he think he is

what does he mean he might move on if you do something else - i.e study?

I think a lot of women feel depressed with the onset of menopause that they will not be having more children. I think it's also the idea of that door closing.

I think your dh has been very harsh and if he wanted dc, why didn't he go ahead and try and have another? Maybe he just didn't want to. I don't get this about you also not being able to study. Why can things that are important to you not be undertaken and have to be deferred until some vague point in the future?

I am 43 and dithered for too long over no. 3 only to be told at 41 I was perimenopausal. This made me REALLY want another and for about 6 months I was obsessed . Why is it when you are told you can't have something .... ?? Anyway I have just completed my first year of a BA (Hons) degree and this has proved to me I'm not old, infact I got a pretty good brain even if my eggs are past their sell by date .

what do the abbreviations dh and dc mean its my first time on this site

Thank you for all your messages as it is myfirst time on this site which i think it will help me to share my feelings.

I am still not sure how to use this site properly do i respond individually to comments or post comments in a big way like this. for instance what I didnt say before was when I got myself checked out with the fertility expert last month he told me without a shadow of a doubt i am not entering the menopause, in fact my hormome levels are so high I am more than definately still ovulating so I am not yet mourning the loss of my fertility as it hasnt yet gone. Maybe Im mourning my ailing failing communication with my husband of 20 years. And also the reason why I have deferred my degree course is I kept hoping that i would lose enough weight to appease my husband and he would agree to let me have another baby. Im not even that heavy, as Ive already said the doctors told me i was o.k. and I thought there was no point starting a new phase of my life until the old part was definately over, I mean me started my degree signals the end of my baby days to me. These feelings i have are rotten to say the least and i know some of you are wondering why i would want another child with a man who barters with me, but i suppose its because he has his issues as well, he is older than me at 48 and feels people mite call him grandad etc.. but we have hit a sticky wicket to say the least. Im sure im not the only woman to feel this way about this type of issue. For the last few years I have just wanted to feel the joy of motherhood for one last time, as it was the most joyful experience to me.

respond anyway you like.

the d (dear or dastardly perhaps as the case may be) and h for husband c for child/children. So ds is dear son, dd is dear daughter