Made the wrong choice of punishment

[SPARKLER1]

DD1 (5) is being a real bugger this morning. She told me that she was going to play out in the garden this morning at 8.30am. I told her that she couldn't as it was too early, it was starting to rain and she was still in her PJs. She said to me I'm going anyway. I told her no again and said that if she disobeyed me we wouldn't go swimming today. (We have all been looking forward to going for a family swim today).
I told her it was her choice.
I walked away and she decided to go outside.
Now I wish I hadn't used that as a punishment because the rest of us are going to miss out too.
She has said sorry and asked if she can go.
I know I should stick to my word but I don't know what to do now.

I must be a hard faced cow. I would stick to my word.

I was once told in a behaviour managemnt training day that if you let kids 'win back' punishments by better behaviour then they learn that they can mess you around all they like and as long a they are good for the last 5 minutes they get the punishment 'forgiven'.

In the end the choice is always theirs. Behave and get the reward. Misbehave and take the consequences. pain in the arse to do, but easier now than at 15.

Best of luck. And I would have done to 'swim tomorrow' option as well.

]blush]

Bet she won't go in the garden tomorrow morning!

I'm with Mud on this one - if you threaten something you have to be prepared to carry it out otherwise, what's the point? I have seen first hand how empty threats can be the source of more problems in the long run.

god feel really boring. have no life of my own, and am scared to go out on occasions. latest is the guilt re: smacking. i am finding life difficult since i have a 2.5 yr old and 2x step daughters aged 8 and 11. i love them all dearly, but find the physical side of looking after them all really tiring, to the point where i often lose my temper and start the smack the smallest. any tips on what to do, i feel like a bully and a rotten mum. help! how do i stop?

We went swimming today - and no she didn't go into the garden this morning. Dd has been pretty good today and we had a good time.

If you don't want to smack, then make a rule with yourself - no smacking. No matter what happens, you don't hit. Then find other ways of managing behaviour, or, indeed, of destressing yourself so you don't feel so angry. I usually find that my biggest explosions are not in proportion to what my ds is doing, but reflect my own feelings, stresses etc.
As for Sparkler, the real problem here was getting fed up and impulsively saying 'right, now you don't get X' which is something my dh tends to do. I always tell him, think about it before you issue an ultimatum - especially one that spoils things for the rest of the family. I think sending to room is better, esp from the point of view that it gives you some thinking time.

If you truly think you can get them to respect and understand why you do not want them to do something in the first place then that's the point made. If a child takes you on regularly then it's time to be tougher, but for a minor first or second infringement...
Ultimatums feel so clever at the time though! I've reached for them time and time again, rarely carry them through and neither of my kids are in borstal
Glad you had a lovely swim Sparkler