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Original poster

Made the wrong choice of punishment

58 replies

SPARKLER1 · 14/05/2005 10:03

DD1 (5) is being a real bugger this morning. She told me that she was going to play out in the garden this morning at 8.30am. I told her that she couldn't as it was too early, it was starting to rain and she was still in her PJs. She said to me I'm going anyway. I told her no again and said that if she disobeyed me we wouldn't go swimming today. (We have all been looking forward to going for a family swim today).
I told her it was her choice.
I walked away and she decided to go outside.
Now I wish I hadn't used that as a punishment because the rest of us are going to miss out too.
She has said sorry and asked if she can go.
I know I should stick to my word but I don't know what to do now.

OP posts:
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snafu · 14/05/2005 10:35

Stick to your word. I hardly think she's going to be 'wounded' by not going swimming.

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 14/05/2005 10:38

Didn't mean to start a heated debate. PMSL

OP posts:
ghosty · 14/05/2005 10:40

Say sorry Sparkler ...

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assumedname · 14/05/2005 10:41

I think you ought to stick to what you said and let her miss swimming - dh can take dd2. Even better if you can leave her with Granny or someone while the rest of the family goes.

BUT, in the future, choose a milder threat OR explain to her more at the time ie, you can go out into the garden when you're dressed/when it's stopped raining/after 9 am or whatever.

snafu · 14/05/2005 10:41

Bad Sparkler. Just for that, you can't go swimming either.

moondog · 14/05/2005 10:41

Agree wholeheartedly with JoolsToo!

jangly · 14/05/2005 10:42

Tell her to give you a big kiss to show she's sorry. You can be too heavy handed with kids.

assumedname · 14/05/2005 10:46

You can also be too light.

Mud · 14/05/2005 10:58

actually in all seriousness

the people who are taking the 'she didn't do anything that wrong' tack are starting to worry me

it is our job as parents to bring our children up to take their place in society as well-rounded individuals who understand the parameters of decent behaviour

I see so many parents (of course not talking about you) who think 'ahh little baby said sorry everything alright now' - so their little brat hits out / bites and the rsponse is 'say sorry' and everythigns ok? well it isn't and one of the reasons these kids continue to defy authority (teachers / the law) is beacuse their parents let them get away with it

sparkler - this definitely isn't about you or what you've chosen to do - this is just a rant about namby-pamby let our angel get away with it cos she or he said 'sowwy' parenting which really gets my goat

ghosty · 14/05/2005 10:59

Hear, hear Mud

JoolsToo · 14/05/2005 11:02
Wink
Tinker · 14/05/2005 11:02

I agree that just saying sorry doesn't make everything all right. But the punishment should fit the crime. And I think in this case (and I think this is why Sparkler is annoyed with herself) the punishment seems disproportionate and said in the heat of being tired when it's too early to think. So, in situations like that, I think renegotiation is fair.

snafu · 14/05/2005 11:04

Yup, with you on that one, Mud. The point of the punishment is absolutely not 'to get them to say sorry' (sorry swiper lol!) Punishments should be about setting boundaries and teaching that actions have consequences, not saying the 'magic word'.

fuzzywuzzy · 14/05/2005 11:06

thought the magic word was please...???

snafu · 14/05/2005 11:07

Actually fuzzy, in my house the magic words are 'chocolate', 'wine' and 'Mumsnet'...

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 14/05/2005 11:41

Sorrreeeeee

OP posts:
Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 14/05/2005 11:41

We aren't going swimming today now. Dh and I have decided to leave it until tomorrow now. Told dd she has to be good ALL day otherwise we won't go tomorrow. PMSL

OP posts:
ghosty · 14/05/2005 11:44

Good decision Sparkler ...

Mud · 14/05/2005 11:47

good decision

but ummmm sparkler - don't mean to be funny but - umm - ahh - don't you learn from your mistakes? - no more threats you don't want to carry out

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 14/05/2005 11:47

Phew thanks Ghosty. Thought I was gonna get a telling off again for a minute. I would have to apologise again.

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 14/05/2005 11:56
Grin
PuffTheMagicDragon · 14/05/2005 12:47

Well done sparkler - it's like UN Peace negotiations dealing with children isn't it!

I think you found a really good compromise.

Do we award smileys on MN for wise parenting?

Here you go - !

ponygirl · 14/05/2005 12:51

I think you've found a good compromise too. I think I would have looked at the incident in the context of her behaviour generally. If this defiance was a one off and she's generally well-behaved I'd relent, but if it was part of an escalating pattern of naughtiness I like to think I'd stick to my guns. I am quite a softy though, although I do agree otherwise about actions and consequences.

jangly · 14/05/2005 13:04

Sorry if I came across a bit heavy earlier Sparkler. You had the best idea in the end!

WestCountryLass · 14/05/2005 16:08

I would go and make her sit on the side fo the pool and watch, evil mother that I am!

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