do you regret that your career is crapola since you had children?

[brimfull]

just had a mahoosive talk/argument with dh about this

I am trying to start my career as a nurse again after many yrs ( 15) of giving up for the family

now I need his support to beable to do the shifts I need to do
he is self employed in a business wiht his brother and they start really ealry in the am -4-5am

thus I am fucked when I want ot start work ealry
I currently rely on 17yr dd but she has commitments and also will be going to uni next yr

I feel such resnetment thta I have to give up my job opportunities because pf the kids.

Just because he earns the bulk of the £££ he feels I should give .I feel -we only have one life and I want to work.

so I would hopefully need only an hour in the am ,except school holidays

so £7 for an early shift

how does it work if your shifts change weekly?

poss hr and a half

It isn't.

But that is only since my youngest started school. I think that 10 yrs of juggling and feeling like a bit player at work and a failing mother at home, has been enough of a down payment on a good and interesting job now.

you are lucky ormIran

I widh I had never given up nursing.
I worked in dh's family business for yrs so was v flexible

now I want my own career back and it's proving difficult

that's why it would be good to get someone who wasnt doing it as a full time business gg. what if you move on to shifts?

i have used another cm in summer when mine takes her hols - relief has a space because she has teacher's children who take summer hols off. but i suspect they still paid for the place even though my ds was using it.

is there a database of these childminders? or is it ord of mouth

your dh should accommodate your shift pattern needs.incidentally this isn't about your children this is dh not compromising

no your 17yo shouldn't have to provide childcare,that is for you and dh to sort

hope this resolves for you

careful what you wish for ggirl...

i have been promoted since having ds and now am senior management. but god the cost of childcare. it is like another mortgage and i think i ended up with more take home as a lowly working 3 days a week with tax credits.

another horror is that dh's business is not going that well and he talks of giving up work and looking after ds full time. oh great so i have to support everyone too.

scottishmummy-yes I have been trying to convey this to him ,tears and all
he is a fucker when it comes to him having to start late at work
I really despair and feel at a loss as to what to do when he refuses to hepl out

I hate it

yes fishie that's the conundrum

but I would rather work than not tbh

In response to OP I feel the same some days but wouldnt give up my last year with DS before he starts school.

I have kinda started to start my own business to work around but this is very slow but ANYTHING I want to do has to fit around DH - I do get resentful

Then I feel guilty as we are well provided for and have a good standard of living. It would be nice for me to feel like I am contributing more financially but is more about my sense of self.

I struggle with this on and off.

that is a shame.what is his reluctance?tbh you have aspirations too and he should help you meet them.needs a wee reminder of times you did sole childcare and his employment was uninterrupted.

what speciality do you want to return to?what about bank nursing?

I am currently in the middle of a return to practice course

so practice hrs are unpaid and have to fit in with ward hrs and I also work as a bank HCA ot get ££

When I eventually get a job on the ard to consolidste my returners course I need to beable to start at 7:30am on some mornings-I have been told that is inmoveable.

eventually when I leave the ward after milking them for all the course I can I hope to get on the community where the hrs will suit more

IN an ideal world where i did not have to wory about children I would be working in a hospital ICU 12 shifts..but that would be impossible.

inmoveable??? new word???

then go for it ggirl. childminders all know each other because they have to do regular training (or they do here in london).

also ask other mums who they use - some cms have vacancies because they are not good.

no, but I have slight misgivings about the quality of my career since I discovered Mumsnet

FWIW, I don't think your DH should have to accommodate your shifts if he is the breadwinner and works FT. I think you have to purchase childcare - either a childminder, or else someone who will come to your house early in the morning for an early cleaning shift and you can kill two birds with one stone! Personally I'd go for the latter solution - it might cost a little more per hour, but you will come home after your shift to a tidy house...

does hosp have a nursery?they open early the on site one's.also salary sacrifice would make it cheaper

no hospital nursery unfortunatly

I do like the idea of an early morning cleaner though-good thinking anna!

ggirl - I work in PICU 8 shifts a month (12hr shifts) I work 2 set days in the week for 3 weeks (which my manager is happy to give me) and 1 weekend.

It means that I do not see my DC at all on those days, but it's only 8 days a month for which I take home £ 1600. It is completely worth it. The compromise is that DH HAS to help -he takes the children to school, and my mum picks them up. Dh is then home to put them to bed.

The alternative to this in my opinion would be a childminder - my friend charges £4 a hour so it is always worth checking the going rate for the area you are in. Good luck!

lol at Cory!

My CM started having my now 6.9yo for a day a week when he was 9mo, had a break of 15mo when I was on maternity leave with now 3.6yo, had both of them for a day a week and now just ds2 as ds2 is at school.

She now has ds2 3 mornings a week from around 8.30am (when I meet her at school) until 9.15am (when she drops him at pre-school). She doesn't pick him up (my mum does) and only charges for the time he s with her.
She charges £10 per week for this, and it is on the basis that if she gets enquiries for full timers that will take her ove her numbers she should feel completely ok about giving me notice.

She also has him from 8.30am - 3pm (drop off and pick up at school) on another day of the week.
Plus in the school holidays she has both of them for the day she normally has ds2.

She charges £3.75ph for 1st child, and £3.25ph for 2nd child when he is there.

She will also have them on an ad-hoc basis if she is available, and not over her numbers (eg last Tue I had a breakfast meeting so she had them both from 7.15am and took ds1 to school). She will also swap days if needed - eg in the holidays.

The point of this waffle is that there are FANTASTIC, flexible CM's out there who will work around your needs - you just need to find one!

well thanks you guys I think I will look for a local childminder and see how the land lies

ggirl, if you telephone your local Childrens Services department / Early Years co-ordinator at your local council they shoul dbe able to give you a list of registered childminders.

Also, ask the school office if they know any.

thanks figment I will ask at the school and look on local council website

dh has obv htought baout it and ha said he will speak to his db about trying to accomodate my hrs

that's good ggirl. A step in the right direction