What do you think about second hand baby things?

[dilemma456]

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I happily accept good quality second hand stuff, there is no shame in it these days.

However if she doesn't want them it is up to her, but you are a lovely friend for offering them to her in the first place!

We had pretty much everything second hand from my SILs for the first one. Second and third had a very few new things. With this one, I've still got the major equipment from before, but have bought new clothes and have no intention of going as overboard on numbers of items of clothing as I did with the first three. I wasn't much if anything for their clothes, so we had vast and unnecessary amounts of stuff. Keeping it simple this time.

YanknCock - clearly you are not very PFBish then! This is not the first time (and I'm sure it won't be the last) that I've heard of women getting themselves into debt over their heads in a misguided belief that buying their PFB the 'best' of everything makes them a better mother or is a demonstration of how much their child is loved or something (I assume that's the motivation? I find it mystifying though I must confess).

I have been happy to accept second hand goods as long as they are in good condition, wouldn't use anything that was dirty or broken for eg. We did use a second hand car seat but it came from a family member so knew it hadn't been in an accident. We had a seond hand cot for ds but bought a new mattress. I'm not ashamed of it. It means we have more money to spend on other things and is better for the environment too.

Nope, he's precious, he's first born, but he's not going to KNOW or care if anything is second hand. Have had it drummed into me by friends and MN that babies are quite simple creatures who will not give a flying f*ck as long as they are the right temperature, dry, snuggled and fed!

I had to stop reading pregnancy magazines and certain books...they just make you feel awful as a first time mother.

I'm not competitive about material things anyway. Someone will always have more money to spend than me!

Blimey, they can't be hurting for money that much then. It never occurred to me that we could even consider saying no to the many offers of second hand stuff we received. Included moses basket, pram, car seat, cot and then clothes, bottle steriliser, bottles, muslins, cot sheets. We didn't have to buy dd clothes until she was 3! We used dh's old cot and bought a new mattress.

Absolutely bonkers! I could afford new and had second hand where I could. A baby doesn't care!! Save the money until later, when they do care.

I can totally understand your friend, I really didn't like the idea of 2nd hand stuff first time round, to the extent that when DD1 arrived early I made ex-H drive 30 miles to buy the pram I'd ordered locally that wasn't in stock yet rather than accept ex-SIL's offer to borrow hers! Even with DD2, I didn't buy anything 2nd hand until I helped at an NCT Nearly New Sale and realised just how much stuff was being recycled in this way. I now have no qualms about secondhand, with the obvious exception that I'd only byu a car seat if I knew the history (so you/your friend would be OK) and I'd change the mattress on a pram/crib.

All I can suggest is that you show your friend anything you can find online about secondhand goods and safety. And perhaps see if the NCT has a sale soon in your area (www.nct.org.uk and look for the sale finder link) as perhaps if she sees others buying stuff she'll realise that there is no social stigma (a lot of the bargain hunters are what you would consider to be well-off middle-class mums who were quick to cotton on to the fact that there's a lot of good hardly used stuff)

If you can afford new then fine if you can't then accept all the help,i can understand her not wanting things from strangers but from a friend go for it! i've saved shed loads of money from swapping stuff with friends and getting bits cheap from mumsnet as long as you wash it its fine.

She is mad.
when ds1 was born we had 0 money and nearly everything was 2nd hand (we did have a new mattress, and I can understand her wanting that)
Fine if you can afford it, but it is total madness to borrow from moneylenders, can you possibly get a leaflet from CAB or someone explaining what a rip off they are?
DCs are plenty expensive later, don't waste money when you don't need to.

You need to think back-I cared very much about clothes etc when I was a teenager because I wanted to fit in-I didn't know or care as a baby. They just need to be loved and have their needs met-the sort of pram they have or the clothes they wear are not important.

I understand her fears, but she is being oversensitive. I took everything second-hand that I could, although I was lucky enough to be able to afford a pram and carseat. DS 'slept' for his first few weeks in a moses basket that was given to me by a friend (he was a terrible sleeper, so we ended up forking out on a hammock in desperation anyway) All of his baby clothes were second hand - I didnt buy anything - they all came from his cousins (girls) but a lot of it was neutral, luckily! The rest I gave away to a friend that was expecting a girl.

We did spend loads on DS on brand new 'desperation' items to try to get him to sleep/be entertained/distract him. Then I discovered the car boot sale down the road. I shalln't be making the same mistake for DC2. There will be minimal new stuff, if anything. For most things, there just isn't any need.

What others said really - nothing at all wrong with using 2nd-hand things provided they are in good/safe condition and maybe the mattress is replaced.

Can you perhaps do some calculations and show her just how much more things would cost her by using the lenders (compared to the actual price or cheaper ways of borrowing)? If she sees hard numbers it might convince her to avoid them.

If she's looking at doorstep lenders she probably can't get cheaper credit unfortunately - but agree she should see the numbers. I think websites like moneysavingexpert have easy to use calculators that do the maths for you if you type in an amount/length of time/rate.

Sometimes the people who are the most short on money spend the most on baby stuff.

It is natural to want the best for your child and understandable to want to demonstrate to the world that you are doing the best for your child. I think it will go down very badly with your friend if you try again to persuade her to accept your generous offer and I think you should let her make her own decisions.

I am the Queen of secondhand and would have loved your offer, although still only if we had similar taste. I was happy with secondhand - but I had to like it too!

Seems a real shame to me, maybe you have another friend you could offer it to?

She'll get the new maternity grant (£190 I think) - I'm spending mine on some more maternity clothes as I'm also on a mission to spend as little as possible on our first DC. Clearly after things I like but would certainly take anything and pass on stuff we wouldn't use. Loads of friends have been really generous both with advice (avoid heavy 3-in-1 prams!) as well as donations of baby things.

Although a 2nd hand car seat isn't recommended, I'd certainly have one from a trusted friend (i.e. confident it hadn't been in an accident). Obviously I'm buying a replacement mattress for our 100 year old family crib