5 year old boys - is this normal?

[jenwyn]

I come from a large family -lots of sibling who have DCs and have 3 DCs myself. A nephew also has 3 dcs and he invites family to stay as they are keen for the children to form bonds with the wider family.
The trouble is that it is becoming harder and harder to bear being with this family. The Dcs ( a girl aged 8 and twin boys 5)are often horrible to be with.
The parents are very well off and both have great jobs and a beautiful home. They try to spend as much time as possible with the Dcs but as they are both high up in their jobs they work long hours.The Dcs spend time in after school clubs or with a CM depending on needs.

The problem the rest of the family have is that we have never experienced a house where the children demand so much -all of the time.It is mostly the boys(but not exclusively). They will grab food from your plate if you're not quick and have been seen to hit adults and answer back .They take sweets from the fridge and cupboards when expressly told not to.Visitors possessions are meddled with -things removed from bags etc. They are rude-(call anyone present -ugly ,smelly etc) and given to melt downs at the slightest provocation.This manifests as screaming and crying ,breaking anything they can reach and hitting out at anyone near.
The noise level is ear splitting most of the time as everything is carried out at top volume.
Its all very wearing as a visitor.

Is this life on a normal household now? I'm asking as none of the many other children in the family behave in this disruptive way.Have we just been lucky do you think?

Just to add that there are several other children in the wider family of the same age range - including another set of twins.

I really don't think you need an answer to your questions, you already know the answer.

No really I do want to know.

There were some friends over the last time I stayed and their DCs were behaving badly too.

I wondered if this was because their circle of friends all come from Middle or higher management level (with all of the stresses that brings)and maybe the Dcs all copy each other.

Or are they just being parented badly?

I would go for the bad parenting option rather than blame it on their professions. That is like saying you are a perfect parent if you stay at home with the children... you may be or you may not.

I would say some of it is having twin boys. I have twin boys 5 and whilst they wouldn't do a lot of what you've mentioned eg hitting,stealing,rudeness etc they are lively and can be wearing(to dp and I anyway).

With twins(particualrly boys imho)they always have a henchman to egg the other on. I also have a 4 dd so I have 2 henchman to egg on. This often occurs at mealtimes when dp and I like to try and eat in peace cue giggling and silly comments etc. Then goes on and 1 often ends up on the step.

I also find my twin boys like to roll around in a cublike fashion and are often loud. I know this is normal for 5 year old boys and they need to do it but I do find it wearing at times. A single 5 year old boy is full of energy,X it by 2 and you can have a mini tornado at times. Unless you have twin boys yourself you'll never truly understand.

I also think kids like to push it at family get togethers as they are excited, more likely to get the treats that are often on offer and know they'll get away with more as the adults want to chat and avoid scenes.

We've just had a week with inlaws who have very quiet dc which are handled by constant placation and ignoring unwanted behaviour that I would punish for. Not my style or possible for us with 3 nearly the same age as they pick up on everything but it seems to work in group situations.

We tend to try and nip anything in the bud, cue eruptions from 1 as he plays to an audience,showing off etc. Some might look at us and think god what a noisy lot. The fact is twin boys aren't easy and although mine can and often do behave beautifully(these children may do also)they can have their moments like all children but it gets magnified when you X it by 3 and don't have the luxury of being able to quietly placate and give in.

I think you sound a tad smug to be honest and maybe should turn down offers to stay in this relative's house if you're going to just look down on his parenting whilst he's trying to give you a good time.

Also I'm a SAHM so you can't blame things on the fact they both work. There will always be exceptions but 5 year old twin boys(I have known many sets) are hard work at times-fact,it's just as hard whether you work or not.