if you were going to have 4 dcs..

[peasandbeans]

would you prefer to have them close together or with big age gaps between them?

At the moment we have three: (4, 3 and 9months). I can see lots of advantages of them being close together, but I wonder whether four under 5 or 6 might be a bit too much of a good thing!

On the other hand I have two friends who have five under twelve and both wished they had had them closer together.

Any thoughts?

Hi

We have 4 aged 10, 6, 5, 1 and one on the way.

The pros of close age gap (ie the 2 boys in the middle) is that they play together really well and it's very easy to do activities that they can both enjoy such as going to the cinema etc.

The downside is that the younger boy is always trying to catch up and I feel he has been "hurried on" a bit iyswim as he wants to do all the things his brother can.

The upside of the age gap (ie the 2 girls) is that going out is easier. I can leave the 10 year old outside the loo with the others for example while I nip in, whereas friends I know have to take 3 little ones into the disabled cubicle with them. It also means I have time with just the youngest whie the others are at school.

The downside of a bigger age gap is trying to find activities suitable for all of the kids - going to the cinema is hard as they all want to see something different so we tend to have to go in "batches" for example.

I agree with a previous poster - other peoples perceptions of how you can/will cope are far worse than the reality when you just get on with it and learn from your mistakes along the way!

sg

thank you supa girl.
I suppose you are right that you just get on with it; I know I certainly found the first the most difficult, and slotting in dc3 was much easier by comparison. Now that he is 9 months old we've got pretty well organised and I love that the three play together, can all go in the bath together etc.
Do your older ones help a lot with the little ones, or do you try and make an effort not to give them too much responsibility too soon?

I have 11, 7, 4 and 2 - wanted the first two closer together and in lots of ways it would have been easier if we had squeezed them all in - finding stuff on holiday that everyone can do together can be tricky, going to the cinema, etc.

DS1 had the advantage of lots of time with us when little. Although the little ones do hold in back in some ways now I think it has been good for him to have to consider the needs of the others. He is a great 'big brother' and I think it has made him less selfish and more responsible. They love having a big boy to play with, and they adore it when his friends come round.

I do love seeing the younger two play together though. Although they will miss that 'all little together' thing, I intend to take advantage of DS1 as soon as he can drive and babysit.

What I am finding hard is losing my evenings before I get my daytimes back, and that will be hard for the next couple of years.

Hmm mine are 18 in Sept, 14 in Dec and the dd's are 5 and 3 years in August. So i have thm far apart and close together too.

There are pros and cons to each tbh.

I really like the fact that ds1 can babysit yjr dd's tho