Very very nervous - agreed to ttc#3. Please fill me up with positive stories about 3 child families

[ilovespinach]

I had a really hard time when ds2 was born. Looking back on it, I had unrealistic expectations - expected it to be the same as when ds1 was born (long walks in the park etc which are not possible when you have a stroppy toddler in tow).

I felt very distant to ds1, ds2 and dh as I couldn't figure out how we all fitted together now that we had an extra child and tbh I felt a bit trapped. It didn't help that ds1 really didn't react very well to having a new brother. (I hope I'm not coming across as being mad).

Things got better -especially when I stopped bf (think the hormones do me no favours)and we are all good now. We have our bad days with fighting kids, but also many many good days.

I grew up as an only child and I was very lonely. This is something I don't want for my kids. Anyhows, dh said lastweek that he wanted another child. I have thought and thought about it and I am about 70% there. I feel scared to make the choice to have another child but if I did get pregnant would be happy with it, I also can't stop thinking what another child, if we had one, would be like. I hope this makes sense to someone.

Anyhow, this has turned into a long rambling post so congrats if youhave got this far Basically I would really appreciate any thoughts from people who have felt the same as me and also from anyone who has had a good experience slotting #3 into their family.

this is the longest post I have ever made!

sounds great! wish childcare for sahm's wasnt so frowned on in this country
I'm the youngest of four and had a fab childhood, am close to all 3 of my siblings, I wish I was brave enough to go for number three

This is a very interesting topic. I feel I am really struggling with my 2 (DD1 2.4 and DD2 13 months) and have just had an awful day at home where I think I'm a terrible mum of two as I just don't seem to be coping. But then we also have lovely days too and we do love them.

DP is very very very keen to have more but I'm just undecided, for my own ability to cope really as well as wanting a break for a while from being pg or bf'ing. But... but but but, I don't feel done and I do think a lot about another child so I totally know what you mean. Sounds like you're more decided than I am.

Yes, we are very lucky. Everyone I know speaks very highly of their dc's kindergarden. I had no idea that childcare for sahm's was a problem in the UK.

Good to hear you had a fab childhood growing up in a large family bigchris. I guess this is what I want to hear. I want that closeness for my kids (I guess this is a response to the distance I feel from my sister as there is such a large age gap).

Raise above it Bigchris. When I lived in the UK I used a nursery for my dc, it was a life saver and they loved it. I was very angry at being frowned upon, tbh. I wasn't doing anything wrong.

ilovespinach - I found the jump from one to two very hard, especially as there is only 18 months between my first two.

With baby no. 3 I have been far better prepared, and both dd1 and dd2 are in nursery school, so I just have the baby at home a lot of the time, and he is now eight months old, and so far so good.

I feel I'm getting there NorkilyChallenged. I also feel like a bad mom of 2, but then we have had 2 good days in a row so maybe that's why I'm feeling brave ;) With such a small age-gap you sound as if you have your work cut out so try not to be so hard on yourself.

the care of very young children is, by definition, high demand / low thanks.

Add to that exhaustion, and you have a recipe for feeling like the worst mother on the planet.

But I think that if your children are well fed, and clean, and warm, and not scared, and they're regularly cuddled and kissed and told that you love them.... then you're probably doing OK.

my dd1 was a dream, dd2 a nightmare and dd3 is somewhere in the middle BUT I certainly haven't found the move from 2-3 as hard as 1-2

DH wasn't keen but I took the stance that I would always regret not having another dc but would NEVER regret having one iyswim? it is however not convincing him to have dc 4!!!

good luck with whatever you decide

I'm currently pg with baby No. 3. I'm not at all nervous about it even though DS is a constant hostile, angry force to be reckoned.

I found DD just does whatever we were doing (she's now 2) and we plod on. They have great fun together and I hope they have great fun when the new baby is old enough to join in. I quite like the bustle and rough and tumble of a bigger family.

FWIW, I found the transition from 0-1 absolutely shocking and overwhelming.

Since then, despite feeling trapped sometimes and worrying about my career prospects, I would still go for three or even four.

But you know in your heart of hearts what is best for you.