How do you get primary school kids to consistently behave at home?

[cazzzz]

Okay

I'm going through a rough patch (see the car question!)...

Please could I have your tried and tested methods on achieving consistent good behaviour at home. I have 2 boys, 8 and 5.

I've got a feeling star charts won't cut the mustard, and they aren't portable for trips outside of the home

Suggestions please ... thankyou so much....

Sorry to say it, but you do need to get them out-unless you have a garden, and can give them a project.
It's just keeping them active and busy isn't it?
If you are a sahm you could arrange a little activity for when they get home
Get a pet?

Consistent good behaviour?! I don't think anyone achieves that. Lower your standards and you'll be halfway there.

Thanks for replying Mrs Ruffalo

Actually we have recently verged on the too-much-activity-out-and-about scale (and are cutting back for our sanity and health!)

We have a pet too (bouncy little dog!)

I do get where you are coming from - these are my general principles - but this is something a little different. i have just flicked through a thread from a few days ago and it made me feel much better. i think I need to read over the "siblings without rivalry" and other books by the same authors

However, any more suggestions greatfully received

I see Scrumplet beat me to it!

I was going to post consistent good behaviour is impossible. I don't even manage it myself!

Ooh I'd like to know the answer to that!

I agree with keep them busy, lots of physical activities, clubs, etc, plus some chill-out time too.

Consistency with expectations for behaviour and calm but firm implementation of "NO" or "Time Out" or whatever consequence for bad behaviour together with praise and lots of positive reinforcement when they do the right thing (treats, etc!)

That depends on what you mean by 'good behaviour'. If you want them to behave like little adults, then that just ain't gonna happen. Childhood is about learning to become an adult, and, in the meantime, being a child. Do you need to lower your expectations of what is normal for children?

Or do you mean being unkind, or destructive? Do they need more time releasing some of their energy - running about outside etc.?

I agree with flamingo, mak sure your expectations are not too high and you're not viewing normal behaviour as 'bad' behaviour.

Then, be consistant yourself, in what is tolerated and what is not, what you are willing to battle for and what really isn't worth the effort and agro involved.

Read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk and Unconditional Parenting.

I have a few house rules, as long as DS sticks to these he can do pretty much anything he wants really. The house rules are:

1. Be kind and considerate to other people and other things (so no breaking anything deliberately).

1. Tidy up any mess you make.

1. No water-play in the house

Again, I find myself agreeing with flamingo.

Read those books, or just read How to talk..., or if you don't have time to read it, just search the thread archives for threads on the book, where MNers have summarised the main points already (ahundredtimes is brilliant on this)

I'd second the philosophy of How To Talk and unconditional parenting. I keep dipping into it, but don't have enough time to read and work through the whole book TBH, so have just ordered the abridged CD version - it's only an hour long - and intend to listen to it while doing the housework and in the car! Worth a go?

Give examples of behaviour problems, Cazzzz.