Need to potty train DS before september -- Help!!!

[QueenFee]

Ds will be 3 in August. He is still in nappies but as he starts pre-school in September he needs to be out of nappies. Him not going is not an option as he is desperate to start at 'big school' like his big sister and also I am expecting a baby in July. I have tried the whip it off and let him go method a short while ago but he got really stressed as he dosn't like being wet or dirty so as he ended up constipated I put him back in nappies. He is in pull ups just now and he is happy to sit on the potty or toilet and knows what it is for. However he never does anything there. A few times he has been running around with nothing on after a bath etc and he has started to wee and stopped himself but when I put him on the potty he doesn't seem to be able to let go.
Sorry for the long post but I am a bit lost as to what to do next. (it always seems clearer somehow to other people )

Anyone?

Hes still quite young, sounds like he's not ready.

why does he have to be out of nappies to start pre-school?

It's part of the school and one of the rules

really? i find that amazing. what happens if he wasnt toilet trained when school becomes compulsory? surely they wouldnt refuse to take him?

anyway... have you tried reward charts/treats for going on the loo?

Right - this was me 2 years ago -DS was 3 in August and had to be out of nappies for pre-school (they would have accepted him in a nappy but called me if he needed changing during his session - is that the rule at yours QueenFee?)

So I panicked madly (even without the added worry of a new baby coming) and DS refused and refused.

Then in August it was really hot and he got bad heat rash from his nappy so we HAD to leave it off. He was potty trained within 7 days quite happily. So would suggest you leave it until August and not panic yet. Maybe he is not quite ready yet though clearly on his way? It doesn't have to take months for them to learn so leaving it until August still gives you plenty of time. All the children at pre-school will have the odd accident anyway, and half of them still will at school (IME). At least if you leave it until after baby is born you won't have to worry about him regressing to nappies when baby arrives! Nor will you be running around while pregnant trying to clean up after him.

We bought a big bag of jellybabies (DS loves but rarely has them) and he got 1 for a wee in the potty and 2 for a poo. He certainly understood it all and delighted in telling everyone how many jellybabies he'd earnt each day.

Good luck!

The pre school cannot stipulate that he is toilet trained for them to take him. That contravenes the DDA (Disbility Discrimination Act - your DS may not be disabled but achieving continence is a developmental stage and if he hasn't achieved it by an arbitrary age then they are being discriminatory in refusing to take him). I would speak to the preschool and tell them they cannot refuse him entry based on a lack of continence.

You also (IMO and IME) cannot make a child achieve continence until they are ready physiologically and developmentally. You can certainly facilitate the process by being encouraging, offering the toielt/potty to him and praising him when he does a wee on it. Stickers and reward charts for a child being dry are not fair as you are rewarding something he has no control over. Certainly reward him for trying, but not the actual dryness.

It sounds like he is on his way though so he may well do it anyway by September!

I think the pre-school is on dodgy grounds it is discrimination to refuse nappy wearers, I know someone who challenged a Surrey LEA nursery and they backed down very very fast.

Interesting re dicriminatio - will look into that. TBH he holds it for a long time anyway so may get away with just sending him anyway - like you say they do have accidents anyway and they might not be any the wiser. (i have known him to go 4 hours before now so a 2.5 hour session isn't that long)
Apparently if they are not trained by the time they start school itis classed as a special need and they would have to be statmented as such.
He has a sticker chart. Any time he has done anything in potty/toilet he gets a sticker.
Love the jelly babies idea. Unfortunately I have the only children in the world who don't like sweets!
I am tempted to leave it till August but the thought of running around with a potty whilst trying to feed the baby etc sounds like hell!

If he's desperate to go to big school then I would tell him he has to be in big boy pants or they won't let him go. Ask him to let you know when he wants to try wearing big boy pants again.

LOL at needing a statement just for not being dry at 3! Bet the LEA would love to see them try

Sorry I meant once they start school properly at 4. Not quite sure what they would do if I just sent him in nappies anyway [hmmm]

You know the preschool DD goes to only take them potty/toilet trained too.
I'd thought it was to do with lacking facilites or something.

I think that if they are not potty trained you are expected to keep them at the local playgroup till they are. I think going to school is likely to be an incentive also being with other trained kids is going to make him more likely to do so himself.