11yo DD, blogs and MSN - not sure how to handle the fact that she has overstepped the mark on several counts - WWYD?

[castille]

A while ago DD1 (year 7) asked if she could set up a blog "because everyone's got one" (which isn't true, but some of her friends have). We agreed on the condition that it wasn't personal - no photos of her or personal info - and she said she'd do one about a Nintendo game she likes. So she did, all fine (though a lot of was plagarised from someone else's).

Anyway, yesterday I discovered that she has set up another one, personal this time. There's nothing much on there, but it contains photos and personal info. She must have accessed my hotmail account to activate it as hers only allows email from known contacts.

Secondly I looked at her MSN records and she has said some really horrible things to another girl in her class. I know she and DD don't get on but this smacked of bullying (girl in question seems quite shy).

So DH and I are v cross with her for abusing our trust, not using the internet according to our rules and for being so mean to this girl. DH said we should delete the blogs, block access to MSN and ban her from the internet until the school holidays, but I'm worried this will end up backfiring.

Any advice/experience? I'm tackling the issue after school...

, seems it quite common then....... id be furious if any of my DC numbers were put on chatrooms.

We've talked. I was admirably calm (I thought) and used the "blog thing isn't working out" line and she deleted both accounts in front of me, not agreeing with what I said but not disagreeing either.

She claims the MSN thing isn't a big deal because they insult each other all the time at school - it's "normal". I pointed out that this is not a normal or healthy way to relate to other people and the girl in question definitely wasn't giving as good as she got. They have apparently made their peace now (the MSN incident was a couple of weeks ago) so I'm not sure about the letter of apology, we'll see.

She is fuming about the no MSN until the holidays. The blogs she wasn't that bothered about but she "can't live without MSN". She tried to negotiate her punishment into something she was prepared to do

She's been slamming doors and shouting and has gone off in a major huff.

She's only 11

Castille do you think that you might let her on MSN at certain times for a limited period?

It seems that msn is a big thing to the kids and if used safely is better than hanging around streets.

Castille, is it worth sitting with her to watch the information videos at Think U Know? I'd skip the ones aimed at the kids and go straight for the ones aimed at teachers and make her watch. It really does highlight WHY you shouldn't divulge personal information on a blog, etc.

EDIT: bah, the teachers section requires you to register. Here's some of them on YouTube:

Tom's Story

Clare's Story

Think U Know Think Again

(watch them yourself first though to see if you think they're appropriate...)

There's a good video out there which shows a girl putting all her details on an estate agent board and then someone coming into her house and taking all her photos, then her friends taking them and posting them all round school to tease her. It really hits home about how easy it is to give information on the web that you wouldn't be comfortable about giving in real life. Unfortunately I can't find that one :/

Found it - Jigsaw - aimed at younger kids, but more specific about putting out information about yourself rather than chatting to people you don't know. More relevant for you maybe.

She's calmed down now

nickschick - there will be a clear no-MSN period but I have said that if she can show us that she is trustworthy and honest in other areas (something she needs to work on...) then we will be prepared to discuss

Before she's allowed back on I'll definitely stick her in front of those videos, thanks RubberDuck, they will make the point far better than I ever could

x-posts, and that one too RubberDuck, thanks!

Sorry to spam you with videos, but Consequences is also excellent as it gives 4 rules of using the internet which are practical and sensible. (Takes an age to load though!)

Sound slike your handlign it well, castille. I suppose so much of it depends on the personality of your dd with regard to how she will respond but you're doing sensible stuff.

Sounds like you've done really well castille - well done! It must be so hard (my DS is only little) with teenagers and I think you've handled a difficult situation admirably.

If it's any comfort my sister was like your DD - very precocious but she grew out of it earlier and by the time she was 16-17 she was very sensible. So hopefully your DD will be the same

She's fine this evening. Being most helpful, in fact. Trying to earn brownie points to regain MSN ahead of the holidays no doubt, but we'll see about that - she has a lot of ground to make up...

Anyway phew. Thanks all, you've been terrific