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Parenting

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Original poster

argh - friend's 10 year old ds broke various things in my house yesterday

15 replies

geekgirl · 29/05/2009 09:16

what do I do??? I left her 10 year old ds and mine (5) unsupervised in a room watching TV (or so I thought) because dd2 had a speech therapy appointment in the other room which my df needed to be there for too (she is dd2's teaching assistant).
During that time her ds broke the Wii mains cable and the small TV in there - I've only just discovered this. Maybe the TV can be rescued - at the moment the power switch isn't reacting at all. I doubt that my ds did it - have told him that he won't get into trouble and I just want to know blablabla and he still says it was other boy.
I have to ring her, don't I? I feel crap about it and REALLY don't want her to think she's got to give me any money for the damaged items. But I would want to know if it had been my child...

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fizzpops · 29/05/2009 09:35

I think to be honest that if you don't want any money I wouldn't mention it. From her point of view it might seem as if you are blaming her son with no evidence.

If you really feel you should mention it then just tell her that these things got broken rather than saying one of the boys in particular broke them but what do you want/ are you expecting her to say in reply?

Original poster

geekgirl · 29/05/2009 09:38

mh I think you're right fizzpops

otoh, I think she would want to know

aaargh

OP posts:

spicemonster · 29/05/2009 09:53

Oh dear. I think you need to think about what you want her to do with the information. If you don't want her to give you any money, then I can't see any point in telling her. But maybe there is a reason I haven't thought of!

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ErnestTheBavarian · 29/05/2009 09:58

is the boy likely to be at your house again? If so, I think you need to have some sort of chat about it, maybe speak to friend and ask her to speak with him so you can work out what happened etc, thus informing her of problem, possibly finding out what happened and alerting to avoid future problems, all without looking like you're fishing for money if that makes sense, tho if you're 100% sure it was him, maybe he should have to replace cable or something? In what way is cable broken?

pellmell · 29/05/2009 10:03

How about explaining what has happened to the things. Then she may offer to find out the "facts" from her son. He may be able to shed light on how it happened without you even seeming to be siding with either child.
Boys will be boys an all that!!

ErnestTheBavarian · 29/05/2009 10:10

"Boys will be boys an all that!! "- sorry, but I find that really irritating. What does it mean? That it's normal or ok or to be expected for boys, but not girls to damage other people's property?

Or have I misunderstood?

MollieO · 29/05/2009 10:12

How do you know it was the other boy who broke things and not your ds?

AitchTwoOh · 29/05/2009 10:13

how can you break a tv button? surely they just fail one day. what exactly is the story you're getting from your child?

AitchTwoOh · 29/05/2009 10:13

how can you break a tv button? surely they just fail one day. what exactly is the story you're getting from your child?

ErnestTheBavarian · 29/05/2009 10:17

as neither child there, you just can't say her ds did it. is your ds saying other boys did do it, or that he himself didn't (thus implying it must've been the other). Did he give a specific action that would result in damage?

I think you should speak to the friend, but as I said earlier only insofar as to say what damage has been done and to speak to other boy to try to find out what he says happened.

welshdeb · 29/05/2009 10:19

I think I would like to know what happened. Cant you ask in a neutral way, like xyz isn't working today and can her ds remember if it was working properly yesterday did anything happen etc?. You could hint you are trying to find out if your ds was responsible. However you need to bear in mind that it could have been your ds's fault not hers and you might not like what she has to say

What is this boy like otherwise ?
It could have been an accident, over boisterous play.

I have 2 boys with a similar age gap and one thing springs to my mind, knowing how they react with each other sometimes.

Could it have been that one wanted to play on the Wii and the other didn't, leading to over vigourous turning on and off of TV and possibly roughly pulling Wii cable out of the wall socket or out of the back of the Wii

AitchTwoOh · 29/05/2009 10:23

bottom line is, imo, you don't have a reliable witness.

ErnestTheBavarian · 29/05/2009 10:26

"as neither child there," oops, meant as both children but no adult there

Original poster

geekgirl · 29/05/2009 10:34

no you're right I don't know that it wasn't my ds - my ds does still tend to tell the truth though when told he won't get into trouble as he's only 5, he's not quite mastered the art of deception the same way dd1 (9) has, for instance.
One of the pins on the Wii's power plug is snapped off and stuck in the wall socket. I think that must have taken a lot of force...

Her ds is a lovely boy but a handful. He suffers with adhd and I am sure he didn't set out to break stuff IYKWIM. I like him and trust him to be nice to my children, but I probably shouldn't have left him unsupervised with electronic equipment.

I don't think I will say anything. As some of you said, it could have been my ds. I'll be more careful in future as to what they get up to.

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sazm · 30/05/2009 13:26

we have this problem with a few kids that come to our house,we have to hide some of our dc's toys when certain visitors are coming,its horrible but rather that than getting some of the (expensive)toys the dc's have getting broken,
it is hard esp as she is a friend,
and its also hard to hide everything lol,but if he is coming over i would just make sure that anything that could break easily/was expensive gets hidden,

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