VERY early waking / parenthood generally - how can I cope. I'm not at the moment...

[lovelyboysadmum]

DS is 9 months old and gorgeous but I just feel that everyone else copes so much better than me.

He started sleeping through until 6 a few weeks ago, which was great. But recently he's started waking at 4.30 - an hour or so later he's then tired and miserable and goes back to sleep for just half an hour. We both then spend the rest of the day tired and miserable. His top teeth are coming through which might be the reason, as we've tried blacking out the windows, which made no difference. I hope it's just a phase but I feel terrible. I haven't got the energy to go out and meet people but can't stand being in the house all day, especially now he's crawling and is such a little monkey.

Everyone else seems to cope much better at parenting than me. I know I'm lucky and I can't even bear to read this whinge back to myself. I just feel like I'm losing it; I've been crying since 4.45am.

Self-indulgent rant over. Any tips on coping with/dealing with such early waking? We're all over the place.

I have a DD age 9 months, she is also teething. I try and keep nighttime quiet, even if she is awake, stay with her in darkened room, no playing etc, cuddle and calpol and back to bed if poss.
Does your LO have a daytime nap? This might help you both if you can manage it.

Don't worry too much about meeting people but try and go for a walk in the afternoon because this will: a, get you out of the house and b, should help you both sleep better in the night.
Also post natal depression can still be a factor even though your baby is 9 months.
hth.

Oh, god, this takes me back

Ds did this. Well, he neaver really slept through reliably, but he did that hideous early waking thing at about this age. So did about 4 of my AN group - which really helped, as at least I wasn't alone in my misery...

My advice (having come out the other side) fwiw:

1. Rule out everything that could be causing the early waking - check temparature, light levels etc. If you think teeth may be a problem, give bonjela/calpol/homeopathic remedies etc a go.
2. Have you got a partner? Take turns/come to an arrangement with the early waking. Even one lie in til 7 a week can help
3. Get extra sleep. Lack of sleep makes everything un-cope-able with. When he naps, do NOT try and catch up on jobs. Go to bed. Imeadiately. And stay there even if you don't sleep. And go to bed stupidly early - after all, he is!
4. Do try and get out. I find it easier to cope if I have a mate to whinge to and someone else to deal with my grumpy, sleepy kids! I know this can be really hard when you feel 'judged' by other mums who seem (note the word seem) to be coping better than you are. At some point, they'll struggle. And you can be there to help them. If you really can't face meeting people, at least get out - it really does help to refresh you.

5.Chant the worlds best parenting mantra at all times. All this will pass. All this WILL pass...

Thanks guys. I don't think I have PND; I think I'm just a bit of a wimp.

He does usually nap during the day so I do too. Going to bed earlier doesn't work though; for some reason I just lie there for hours unable to sleep. DP does help when he can but he has to work so can't do too much (this is me saying that, not him, he's great).

I worry about giving him too much Calpol/Nurofen although DP says I'm being daft as that's what it's for. We usually only have to give it once a day...but the days of teething misery just go on and on...

We do get out but my good friends just seem to sail through everything - lack of sleep, BF problems, teething - so I feel like I'm being pathetic. The mums I don't know so well probably think I'm a smug cow actually - little do they I go home and have a good weep!

funnypeculiar - when you DS woke super-early, what did you do about starting the day? At the moment, I try and get him to go back to sleep and delay breakfast until at least seven or else I'd be giving him lunch at 10.30! But then he fell asleep in his food the other day. As I said, we are all over the place

Thanks for listening. All this WILL pass...

Not a wimp at all. Early waking really got to me too - I can do any amount of night waking, but if you force me to be awake before 6am I am reduced to a gibbering wreak - I remember ringing my best mate to cancel a playdate because I was too tired and just bawling at her for hours
I bet you'll find that lots of people are putting on a brave face and pretending to be all fine when they are also having long dark moments too.

Humm, what did we do, well, tbh, we tried bloody everything! Like you, mostly I tried to keep things vaguely on schedule in the hope that it would settle back down - ie didn't give breakfast too early etc. One other thing that really helped me was keeping a sleep diary - recording when he slept/woke, when I thought he was starting to get tired etc. It really helped me get his daytime sleeping back on track (I was trying to keep him awake too much in the daytime, so he was getting over-tired) No Cry Sleep Solution (by Elizabeth Pantley) was a godsend - have you read it? - if only by making me feel me and ds were actually quite normal!

Would your son sleep (or play quietly) if you brought him into bed with you so you could carry on dozing? Ds wouldn't but dd did - made a huge difference to our quality of life.

And remember that lying quietly is resting, even if you're not asleep.

Thanks again fp. I do bring him into our bed sometimes but he sleeps for half an hour and then wakes up and gets HUGELY over-excited at being there, bless him (we never co-slept). And he never does playing quietly.

I'm hoping it will pass with the teeth. He is in a misery with them today although went for a nap at 11.

Dare I ask how long your phase lasted...?

Don't underestimate the power of sleep deprivation - you are not pathetic or weak or any of that stuff! It's hardcore!

The only specific bit of advice I can highlight from a previous post is TAKE IT IN TURNS to do the early wake up. Your dp may need to work but you then have to be at home with your ds all day and also need to sleep. We took far too long to agree on this and when we finally did it made a world of difference. Or when he had hideously early mornings we would each get up for 30mins/45mins/an hour (whatever we could manage) and then swap over.

And ride it out. We tried a gazillion different things, porridge before bed, more clothes, less clothes, more blankets, less blankets, nightlight, no nightlight etc etc but at the end of the day it just passed in its own time. Good luck!

whenever I am sleep-deprived - as I am atm, with a 6-week-old - I find I get really depressed. Everything seems useless, from my parenting to my marriage to...well, you name it really. It only takes one good nap or one very-early-to-bed to take the edge off and restore a sense of perspective. Try getting some extra sleep however you can; it makes everything ok again, really.

Yes, that was how ds behaved in our bed too. Dd's quiet desire to sleep with us was a huge shock

Sorry, but I can't remember how long it lasted - my brain has sensibly blocked that out. A few months maybe?

Best of British...

Hi

Big sympathy, you are not the only one struggling, believe me! DS started doing this around the same age. It's probably the WRONG thing to do, but I have discovered if I feed him, he will go back to sleep for another hour or so. Then gets up at a more normal time and skips straight to breakfast (rather than having milk first, which is what we used to do). So I have decided he is hungry and to just go with the flow for a few weeks on this. Probably making the proverbial rod for my own back but for now the extra sleep is what we all need. I would rather get up at 4, feed and then go back to bed again for a while than be up for the day at 4.30.

Message withdrawn

Been there with DS1, still there with DS2 so my heart goes out to you. A few things:

1. Nobody finds it easy to cope with sleep deprivation. I'll bet your friends are pretty frazzled on the inside.

1. The things that helped me were... plenty of fresh air, plenty of organised activities, plenty of coffee and giving up all housework.

1. In the morning at 4.30, have a strong coffee some sugar (fruit or a biscuit) and keep moving. Singing along to a cd is great for giving you an instant lift.

1. Talk honestly to your dp. Don't expect him to notice how tired you are and step in - on the outside you are probably coping magnificently. Ask him to do concrete things - eg give you a full morning off on Saturday or Sunday, do the 4.30-6.30 shift a couple of days during the week. My DH responds much better to this sort of approach than to deep sighs and occasional (unjustified) explosions about how unhelpful he is and how much easier his life is than mine.

A few thoughts anyway - hope tomorrow is a better day

I'm not going to get into a CC fight , but I would agree with bloss's comment that CC doesn't work for all parents, or all children.

Thanks everyone. Today was a wobbly day but your support helped a lot (and made me cry again but in a better way )

We've been for a walk this afternoon which was exhausting but good. DS has crashed and gone to bed half an hour earlier which is a bit scarey in case he wakes up even earlier. I suspect my strategy will be to stumble along for the time being, hoping it is teething or a growth spurt.

acebaby - you went on to have a DS2 - wow! I can't imagine having another at the moment (well, only theoretically). Several of my friends are already pregnant with the next and I just think a)are you mad?! and b)how have you had the time/energy to have sex?!

Well done on getting through today. And sounds like some fresh air did you both good!

Unless you're still bfing (and frankly, even if!) may I reckon a medicinal glass of vino?

Hoping for a later wake up call for you tomorrow

Have you got black out blinds & curtains in the bedroom so it is still very dark so he can recognise dark = sleep time? I would also try pain relief at 4.30 so that it kicks in and hopefully gets him to sleep until a more resonable hour.

calpolcalpolcalpolcalpolcalpolcalpol. All hail the great god calpol. Really. It's teeth and it will pass, meanwhile, give calpol. Wouldn't you take something for pain relief?

lovelyboysadmum - DS2 was conceived on holiday when my parents (staying in neighbouring cottage) took over the morning shift and let us 'sleep' until 10am every day

It does get better. Even DS1 (the worst sleeper ever) has slept through 7-7 since he was 2.6. It's not as bad the second time round because you can sort of see the end (in 2011!) We're stopping at 2 though!

Teething is foul. Repeated sleep deprivation is fouler. You are not a crap parent.

My only real lifesevers are calpol, going to bed early (no caffeine after 5pm - I found this really helped as did not having a nao with the baby in the afternoon. If I did nap I could never fall asleep when I had an early night) and co-sleeping in the morning. When she wakes before 5am, I take her into bed and feed her and we kind of snuggle and snooze with varying degrees of success (sometimes none) until a more bearable time.

Good luck.

My 10 month old is doing this. I am beginning to wonder if he is genuinely hungry, so am trying moving his dinner an hour later and doing 'snack management' beforehand so he can get through the afternoon.

If napping in the day means you can't get to sleep if you go to bed early, maybe try having a horrid day and missing the nap and then go to bed early and you may find that you do sleep and, believe it or not, wakeup feeling semi-refreshed at 4:30am.

Also - DH and I take it in turns to have a lie-in until 9am at weekends. It really helps.