how to get a 4 year old to use the loo not his pants

[funkymum01]

Just wanted some advice as hospital have prescribed movicol for his inconsistent poo's being hard, soft, or not at all.

but the main problem of not sitting on the toilet and pooing himself and not telling anyone is still there and i have tried reward charts with stickers for just sitting on the potty and special ones for doing something but he isn't interested. he wee's in the loo all the time and he knows when he needs to poo cause he strains to keep it in but he is happy to sit in it till it smells awful.

is there anything i can say or do to make him understand.

he is starting full time school soon and can't clean himself.

gill

Hm.... chocolate button each time he use the toilet as you desire? That concentrates some minds wonderfully.
He won't be the only one still having accidents at school, believe me, .

thanks but it doesn't work, he cried and moaned for 2 hours yesterday cause he didn't get to eat the sweets i bought him but didn't once sit in the loo.

he is happy to play or sit in it

funkymum, I suspect your DS is afraid to poo for a few reasons, he is afraid of the loo itself, he hates the feeling of poo dropping away from his body, when he's constipated it hurts to poo. Ask him what he thinks might help him if he can describe his fear to you.

Is he aware of why he needs too poo, that is, to get rid of the waste food? Get a young childs anatomy book which describes the process in pictures and read it together (but not after a row over toileting) There are other books mentioned in other threads here. If he understands it's not something he needs to hang onto, he might be prepared to let it go somewhere appropriate, intead of keeping it close to himself. Some children actually like the feeling of holding onto a full bowel, and some like the feeling of it in their pants!

Could he regress to using a potty for poos? Buy some cheap value disposable nappies and place one inside for him to poo onto (I know it sounds messy but surely less so than dirty pants! It reduces the distance the poo has to drop) Move to sitting on loo with nappy draped across when potty is successful. Increase the rewards to things he really wants rather than sweets. You could also have special toys/ books only for when doing a poo. Make the loo a really desirable place to be.

hi there

he isn't scared of the loo cause he has done about 16 poo's on the toilet or potty in the last 11 weeks but asd he calls it by accident in other words he didn't want to do it on the potty. he knows where poo should go i have talked to him about it and he has said where it should go, he messes himself cause he can't be bothered to sit on the loo like it is a hassle for him. if he does sit in the loo he will not push at all but just sit and think it is a big game and laugh.

when he does it in his pants he doesn't care he just sits in it and carries in playing and then when i change him he climbs onto the toilet and stands there quite happy chatting away.

he dad had the same problem till he was 13 years old then decided to stop when he noticed girls, it is all in the mind

My son has the same problem ... he will poo on the loo, but only if we sit him on, and read/talk to him about StarWars ( something mhe thinks is very grown up and special ), he never just decideds to go and will quite happiliy poo in his pants. We haven't been to the GP becaause I have never wanted to make a big deal out of it and I keep thinking it is getting better ..... it improves for a while and then he regresses. Stickers sometimes work for us and I try really hard to be calm, but I HATE cleaing up poo and I too am worried about wheh he goes to school. He can't wipe him self.

hi shelley

my son goes to school part time already and messes himself there too, but in 3 months he will be starting school full time and then he will get a shock as mummy wont be there to clean him up all day

i am worried for him too i don't want him being bullied

Well, now that you have supplied more crucial information, I think you have to get tough and start making him care about his soiled pants. I'm sympathetic to DS needing medication, but this shouldn't mean he can use it as an excuse for not using the loo. What is DH doing to support you? You need to present a united front to get anywhere.

You could set up a system of marbles, he gets one for each poo in the loo, poo anywhere else and take one away. Decide how many he needs to get to win a prize of his own choosing (within reason) Or deprive him of a friend round to play or going out 'we're not going anywhere until you've been to the loo" and stick to it. When he realises he's missing out he might start to toe the line. You could insist he clean himself up and wash his pants with you telling him how and supervising. This will become so boring that he'll find it quicker and easier to just use the loo, especially if he's missing a T.V. prog or some other fun activity.

But perhaps peer pressure might work best, if a child teases him for being a baby, he might suddenly snap out of it, especially if he values that childs good opinion of him.

can't ask him to clean himself up really as he is too young, my hubby and me say the same things to him, marbkes like the star chart he has doesn't work he couldn't care less, i have promised him if he gets 10 gold stars in 2 weeks for actually doing a poo he gets an omnitrix like Ben 10 has. he has managed 2 gold stars so far and the only thing that seems to have worked on one of those occossions is telling him his toy he was playing woth at the time he couldn't have back till he pushed while sditting on the potty, but in between times he will not tell anyone if he needs to go and will hide or just do it,
then of course he loses any sweets he has chosen at the shop and or tv or nintendo time but he is very defiant and doesn't care very much what he loses

i beleive this is going to be an uphill struggle for years to come

I think you need a child psychologist. Don't let it go on for years to come, it will drive you mad. Or talk to the school nurse, she may help you get a referral if the school think it's basd enough.