Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Ex-MIL dying, waiting for call - how to help DDs, 18 and 15

4 replies

underpaidandoverworked · 27/05/2009 11:06

OMG, what an awful 24 hrs. Ex-mil taken to hosp Monday with suspected food poisoning, had exploratory surgery yesterday and there's nothing they can do. Had very emotional night with DDs last night - lots of tears all round and very little sleep, they've never gone through the death of a close relative and they love their grandma so much.

They're both going through the 'wish had gone to see her more often' phase at the moment and I'm trying to explain that grandmas don't expect them to be there all the time, but I feel really helpless. They've gone to the hospital to say their goodbyes - don't know if that's the right thing for them to do, but I feel they're old enough to decide for themselves.

I also have a 4yr old who is totally baffled at the moment, can't understand why everyone upset. Oh, and a DP who is baffled as to why I'm upset [is that just a man thing ] I was close to MIL when I was married and feel very upset too, but trying to hold it together for everyone. Just don't know what to do or say - have only ever known 2 people die myself.

Anyone else been through this - how did you get through it and what do you say that I haven't already said.

OP posts:
GossipMonger · 27/05/2009 11:08

Goodness how awful and what a shock!

Dont know what to say really but at least your children can go and say they love her and goodbye.

for you.

paranoidmother · 27/05/2009 12:06

The best thing is that you are there for them to work through it with them. There isn't anything else that you can do, unfortunately it is something that eventually we all have to go through saying goodbye to loved ones. Perhaps see if they will talk about why they loved her and once she has gone (sorry to be blunt) see what they might like to do to remember her.

girlywhirly · 27/05/2009 15:04

Perhaps the hospital will have a booklet on bereavement the girls could have, explaining how to cope with their feelings? They are actually being very mature and their gran will be really pleased to see them.

I think that compiling some photos of the girls with exmil in happier times will be useful for them to look back on and reminisce. Perhaps also some of exmil in her young days. Laughing affectionately at the fashions and hairstyles of the day can be quite healing in its own way.

When the time comes, they can choose lovely floral tributes for the funeral and think about what they could do in remembrance.

I hope your dp is adult and gracious enough to acknowledge all your feelings in this; just because you aren't bound by marriage to your ex' family anymore doesn't divorce your feelings for them in all cases. Perhaps he resents the intrusion of this upset into his family, and feels a bit insecure. Or maybe he is simply at a total loss as to how to deal with this, especially true of those who haven't suffered bereavement first-hand of someone they cared deeply about.

underpaidandoverworked · 27/05/2009 15:23

Thanks everyone. Eldest dd back home now, think she is pleased she went to see grandma - left her a photo of her at recent prom, even though she not conscious.

The old photos is a good idea - I still have my old wedding album which I kept for them [not for me] and she's on quite a few of those photos.

Youngest dd still there with her dad, can't wait to give her a huge hug.

DP rang earlier - think he realised was a tad insensitive last night. Will certainly make him make it up to us all . He is lovely normally, just doesn't do emotions very well.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page