I felt like Britains worst parent tonight because of judgey arseholes :(

[mamadiva]

irst of all tonight just got DS (2.11YO) bathed and ready for bed, went to get him a cup of milk at 7.10pm and heard a huge thud and scream from livingroom ran back in and DS is lying with one of the dining chairs next to him he must have been climbing on it and fell.

So I pick him up check him over seems fine then I notice blood trckling down my arm and notice a big gash under his hair so go into a panic grab cold teatowel by this point DS has stopped crying and is asking me what's wrong because I was crying

I don't drive so panicking about how to get to hospital 3 miles away as no money in purse try phoning my mum and get no answer then luckily DP's mate phones and says right I'll send DP round to drive you to hospital so all fine get there she drops me at A&E doors and drives away (knowing I have no phone or money on me), 90 minutes later we are seen by doctor DS' head is glued back together and thankfully he seems fine but I am being quizzed

"Why were you out of the room"
"How long were you away"
"Do you leave him alone often"
"How did he get access to the chair"
"Is it normal for him to e left to his own devices in a room for more than 3 minutes"

By this point I am trying my hardest not to cry and could feel myself shrinking to the size of a thumbnail whilst DS is floating about happily playing with a fire engine.

So anyway after a while I guess they were satisfied I did not beat my childthey were like all is fine keep an eye bla bla bla, I get out and think right will have to ask receptionist if I can use the phone she says no there is a pay phone there is only 20p I told her I rushed out the house never grabbed my purse again she says no so off I go walking along with poor DS split head, in PJ's but luckily with shoes and big jacket on he's so heavy and was happily walking along but again I was embarressed and felt like an awful mother dragging my child througfh the streets at 9pm on a 3 mile walk, it was still light and I carried him as muc as I could but he was perfectly happy walking infact he kept saying it was a treat to be out walking at night

Then of course walk past a shop and hear a gasp from a bunch of old ladies

"that's awful, only a druggie probably out her face poor child"
"you would think she'd atleast get a pram"
"little boy must be nackered"

then came the clincher when DS turned round to look at a car

"GASP oh my bloody god what on earth has she done to that childs head, bloody arsehole as if we don't see enough of child beaters on the news now we have it flaunting around the streets"

I would normally say something but at this tears were streaming down my face and I just turned round looked at them and DS smiled at them so I said does he look like an abused bloody child think before you speak you nasty old buggers.

I realise this probably made me look worse but the anger, humiliation and tiredness of the night just wore me down I feel awful dragging DS around but what else could I do?, he is in his bed sound asleep happy as larry and told me he loved me before bed so I know he does'nt hate me .

Sorry I just wanted to rant am just chilling now and had to vent.

"

I am glad you and DS are feeling better.

I think my DD is going to be a stunt woman! She is constantly looking for something dangerous to do, i don't think i can cope with it!!

Yesterday evening she climbed up on her buggy with dh standing next to her and launched herself off it. Dh caught her but she still grazed her face. Then she insisted on touching the horses electric fence (gives out a little shock, to deter the horses) which she found funny!! I don't think my nerves can take much more! Bloody kids

I hope you are going to write to the hospital to complain though.

mamadiva you have huge sympathy from me. HTankfulyl I have never been tutted at or questioned but I have an incredibly active DS (4) with no sense of personal safety who has had 3 ambulance visits to A&E plus 2 GP callouts and general accidents.

One oen A&E visit after he had knocked himself silly at the local soft play I finished up in the kiddies ward onl to realise I had minial cash, my pushbike was back at the soft play so I had to do a two buses trip plus 1/2 mile walk home with a sleepy woozy toddler.

Every accident bar one has been when I have been within 2-10 ft of him and frequently in the same room watching him or playing with him. For heavens sake the 2nd time he knocked himself out it was because he turned round to say something to me whilst walking into the kitchen and hit his head on the edge of the door.

I had a very sensible A&E consultant tell me once he would be more worried by a little boy who had no bruises at all, as it would suggest the poor kid was sat on the sofa all day. (Disclaimer - I'm sure he didn't mean that parents of miraculously bruise-free children are bad or anything.)

edam do these children exist? Ones that just sit quietly? Where can i get one???

I was told a similar thing, that to anyone who really worked with abused kids the danger signs weren't bruises (well unless they were hand or boot shaped) it was children who didn't look at you, who were scared stiff of starngers but didnt' seem to go to their parents for reassurance, kids who sat unnaturally still or who looked anxiuosly at the adutl with them to check if their answers were acceptable.

Basically they are looking for 'frightened' and 'cowed' children.

This was on my 5th GP/A&E visit in 9 months, DS bounced madly around the room, flirted with the nurses, was happy to be examined and bawled lustily for MUMMY to cuddle him and KISS BETTER after he had to have nasty medicine. The GP said it was obviuos he wasn't an abused child just a very very active one - and then asked to check ME for bruises because I had tried to catch DS as he fell down the stairs and wrenched my arm.

The HV has never followed up after we've been in hospital but that may be because whenever they've asked me who our HV is I've said I dunno she changed about 12 months ago we've never seen her.

Some A&E departments have always asked these questions but I think since Baby P was brought to our attention even more hospitals are being that extra bit vigilant.

I agree they also look for strange relationships between parent and child. When DS was in a few months ago I remember overhearing a nurse ringing up social services to check on this one child because her mum had bought her in 3 times quite recently but when she was seen by a doctor all the symptoms seemed to have gone and also they thought the relationship between the mum and child was a bit odd and forced. I also remember them ringing social services because a child who was under their care had been admitted after a febrile convulsion and they discovered he has tonsillitus. After doctors advice that he should stay in overnight in case he had another the mum decided to get a taxi home (with no car seat) because she was worried she would get into trouble for missing a parenting class.

Although you are right ... how long they are extra vigilant for until the next tragedy is the question

blimey!what a day.is wee one ok now?and you?

the ole gimmers shouldnt have been so horrid.daft ole sweetie wifes

psot bbay P the ramifications are all staff are increased vigilance and probing.xound likeroutine questions

My A+E visit - when DD and I feel off our bike - was similar - the dr said, she's fine, I'm more worried about mum. mamadiva I do feel for you, I am on my own with a two year old and you sound like you are doing everything RIGHT.

How awful for you!

I remember when I was carrying ds downstairs and we both fell they asked me horrid questions at a&e - "was he crying before he fell?" "How were you feeling at that point - angry? upset?" ....basically implying I had thrown him or something. I was horrifed at the time, but later realised they were just doing their jobs.

As for the old biddies.....ignore them - seeing you struggling throug the streets was probably the most "exciting" thing they had seen all month - pity them, but don't give them a second thought beyond that!

Sending hugs!

SG