Do you comment on other peoples partenting methods to their face?

[Confuzzeled]

I have an extended step family and we are not close at all. We get on but we probably wouldn't be friends if our folks weren't together.

I spent this weekend with some of them and they made some quite obvious hints and suggested ways that I should change my parenting. It was done in a way that made me feel like I was a bad parent.

They were also things that I think most people would think were okay. Like dd (2) had a chocolate finger and they said kids under 3 shouldn't have chocolate. They also said dd watches too much tv, she has it on at breakfast, dinner time and charlie & lola before bed, but not in between.

The thing is, that one couple doesn't even have kids and the other have a ds younger than my dd.

Anyone else think that you should be left to parent how you like (unless the child is in danger)?

I keep my mouth well and truly shut. Unless someone is doing something abusive then I keep out of it.

Agree, mouth should be kept well shut.
Nobody else's business, unless actual harm is being done.

How rude.

Good, glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is just rude.

Always. I tell people straight what theyare doing wrong and what they should do better..

That is why I have no friends, my family avoid me and why I spend my time here talking to the imaginary weevils. Because noone real talks to me anymore.

I find I have far, far fewer opinions on other peoples parenting since I became a parent

I find I have opinions on other peoples parenting but I'm nearly always sure that they are doing what they think is best. If I think I can help someone who asks for my opinion I might say something that we did and it's worked for us.

no, becuase d'ya know what? it's plain bloody rude to do so.

Yes, saz! Me too!

Oh, how I used to judge.

I agree - mouth firmly closed at all times! I have one dd who is a bit spoiled. She is generally very well behaved and flexible so i am quite relaxed about parenting.

My sister on the other hand has 3 boys, one SN. She runs everything like a military operation. She is very strict with them, but I realise that she HAS to be like that to get anything done. When dd and I are with them, she kind of has to fit in with their way of doing things.

Sometimes I think dsis goes a bit over the top and I give my dns a sly grin, choc biscuit, or a hug, but I know full well that i have to stay out of it.

In that sitution, OP, I'd give them very patronising laugh and tell them to come back when their own kids turn out perfect.
But then, I'm a bitch.

No never but my sister does and its:
A) hurtful
B) insensitive
C) Unnecissary
D) Spiteful
E) serves NO useful purpose
F) makes people dislike the critisiser

Dont know how i havent ripped out my sisters tongue and strangled her with the fecking thing.

Never, if they want to know how you would do it they would ask.

I never comment to peoples faces. It is not my place to judge anyone elses parenting skills, but I will have a good old gossip behind their backs
I do get a bit annoyed if people comment about choices I make for my ds's. Different if I ask, but if I don't ask, it's because I am capable of making the desicion on my own

Yes, i don't care if they bitch away behind my back, I just think it's rude and a bit nasty to be critical of the way I'm bringing up my dd to my face as it's none of their business.

When step sister in law was pregnant I was bfing my dd. I was drinking a half of guinness one evening and she said that bfing and drinking should never happen. She said it made her feel uncomfortable as the alcohol would go straight through and I may as well be giving it straight to my baby. I said that my hv had told me it was okay and if she was going to have a baby she'll be told the same thing. Then when she had her ds she would have numerous glasses of wine at dinner then go give him a 10.30pm feed. I never said anything but I wanted to so much because she'd been so scathing to me.

But how many times have people come on here and asked "my friend does so-and-so and her kids are xxxx"

And all the answers say "what about gently suggesting....." or "why don't you say 'I've had that problem and what works for us is.....'" etc etc

[devils advocate]

I may have said something in that instance about the drinking tbh.
And I do find that child-free people tend to be a bit more critical than those that have faced whatever situation I'm in.
Try not to worry about it.

Am trying not to worry, but it's one of those things thats bugging my brain. I probably won't see them for ages and then they'll probably be giving ds chocolate and he'll be watching tv

Fair enough buttercup but it was silly little things they made comments about and it was all the time. They would also say things to their ds that made my dd look like a big bully.

I actually just think they're wankers (i'm getting the pregnant grumps on now )

Sorry Confuzzeled, you're right - they're obviously not trying to offer helpful and tactful advice in a constructive and loving manner.

I too am pregnant. If someone criticised my parenting right now, I'd probably throw something heavy at them. Or burst into tears and run out.

Just put it down to them being naive, and that they'll get their comeuppance.... mwahahahaha

if a child had the TV on at communal times, like meal times, I would find it extremely annoying though and ask for it to be switched off

this isn't really a parenting question but a question of inconveniencing other people

my parents have 4 different families with children staying in the summer- they have to run the place in a way that makes it bearable for them, even if it does mean not letting ds do things he's allowed at home

Confuezzled

I agree with you, they should not comment unless asked.

Take it with a pinch of salt. Maybe if the couple without kids have kids, they'll see it differently.

And people with kids younger that yours often have opinions that will change when their DC gets to that stage your is at.

Eccentric

It is a golden rule of polite/nice people not to comment on other people's parenting habits to their faces. So yes, agree with all the others who say they are rude and mean. Try to rise above it darling. They are probably jealous because you are a good mummy and have lovely offspring.