If you have older children, and they are being excluded from things the kids themselves have organised....

[Paolosgirl]

ie trips to the cinema, park etc, and they are getting upset by it - what on earth do you say to make it less painful for them?

DS is 11 - he's been told that he can't come a few times now, and his confidence is getting very low. I really need to 'boost' him up a bit, poor love.

oh that's rotten for him

I don't know but if it was me I would make sure he sees all the films he wants en famille, and goes bowling with you/cousins/siblings, so that he knows what they're talking about at school, can chip into conversations etc

when he does get invited -- which he WILL, one day, he will feel "up to speed"

I would tell him too, over and over again, that he's great, and he's just as good as them, as it really sinks in

my mum had to do it for me! and I remember it to this day

I think create his 'own circle' in the meantime.

IF he's left out by two boys in school, or from swimming or invite a cousin or a boy on the road to go to the film...

Poor little guy though. It's hard.

If you know the parents of the boys who are excluding him, I'd be tempted to quietly (without him knowing) say, listen, I know we can't engineer their friendships at this age, but would it be possible for them to include him every now and then, while he builds up a new circle??

Thanks - it's really hard watching them go through it. He goes to high school after them summer and my big concern if his confidence is as low as this in August he may struggle with making new friends and settling in.

Great suggestions - thanks again

Wondered if anyone else has been through this and could suggest anything?

Things may be very different in secondary school - there is a much wider circle of people to be friends with. It can be far less intense than a small primary class.

My son went through this in last two years of primary and now is really happy in secondary.

Can he join outside school activities where he might meet a different group of kids - scouts, chess, woodcraft folk, warhammer, judo

Have a word with his teacher and ask her to flag it up to his new secondary school teacher when they do their primary school visits and liasing