How to handle different parenting styles to friends?

[Daffodilly]

I have a group of friends that we spend lots of time with that have similar age children to me. We regularly meet to go on days out, etc. However, I am increasingly struggling with our varying parenting styles.

An example from yesterday... we were visiting a National Trust property. The children, 2- 3 year olds, were climbing on some railings that cordoned off a statue. This we sort of turned a blind eye to as they weren't doing any harm. Then some of them started climbing inside and touching the statue. Clearly the railings were there to keep them out. DD asked if she could go in, I said "no, you can climb on the railings, but not inside as they are there to stop people going in and to protect the statue". She was kind of OK with this - but queried why the others were allowed to.

I appreciate that everyone has their own standards/things that they think are worth arguing over - but not sure how to handle this or explain to DD.

This is just one example, any thoughts? Doesn't help that I seem to be the strictest of us all about rules, etc!

Just be honest - different parents have different rules, but in this instance, you are surprised that they're letting their children break the rules of the place they are visiting. And say to her sorry that it seems so unfair.

I'd just say loudly to my kid, 'oi, get off there, it;'s not allowed' and then leve it up to the other parents if they wanted to carry on letting their children be annoying to others.

So, in summary, wheverver possible, keep your gob shut but stick to your own top-notch rules

We have this situation at school. There is a climbing activity thing in the playground that children are not allowed on unless supervised by the teacher. At hometime children climb all over it and my dss want to do the same. I don't let them but they do query why other children are going on it and I just have to say that it's their mummy's decision.

But obviously it's harder when there are friends involved.

Perhaps your dd was confused because you'd let her climb the railings (some mothers might not) but said no to the climbing over. But agree with others, give your reasons. e.g. I'd rather you didn't dd - it's got railings round it so it doesn't get damaged/because it's unsafe. Leave the others to it - don't be a sheep!

I meant you leave the others to it not dd!

Thanks for your replies. I know I am (probably too) anal about sticking to "rules" and am pretty firm with DD about this too. Though I also occassionally pick my battles/pretend not to see things. It just seems that it is always me that is the odd one out on this.

I feel torn between compromising on my standards and being (and therefore making DD) "the odd one out".

I just tell my DCs that those other children are not my responsibility - my two are. If that means my DCs feel like the odd ones out, I guess they'll just have to learn to cope with that. It's not so very tough.

Yes - good point about not being "a sheep". It would be easy if I actually didn't care about some things like them!

I am sure all my friends think I am weird, DD also doesn't really watch TV or eat junk either. It works for us, but sometimes I feel I almost need to introduce these things to fit in with my friends.

Gah - the politics of parenting!

Hmmm... I think I would probably have told them all off to be honest. I would make it clear to them why I was telling them off but would not pursue it further if the other kids didn't listen to me - it's up to their parents then. I do think all adults esp. parents have some responsibility to make sure kids don't get into trouble.

I definitely think that being the odd one out in many ways is perfect for children! We don't want to raise children who grow up learning that we always do what others are doing just because they're doing it - we want kids with their own ideas and beliefs and who can withstand a bit of peer pressure because that is what in the end keeps them safe and hopefully gets them through to adulthood without too much aggro!

So I think do stick to your guns - you're doing it perfectly imo; having reasonable rules, but explaining to your DD why. perfect. good for you.

meant to say though, I do sympathise, different styles are really hard to cope with sometimes, particularly at the ages your kids are. I have a friend who is very confrontational in her parenting and in the situation you describe it would have been straight to "get off there now or I will put you in the buggy" then of course the kid would push the boundary and in the buggy it would go, and cue half an hour of screaming and puking by the hysterical kid and a stressful trip out for us!!!! It is hard to bite your tongue or go a different way but as I said you really do have to stick to your guns because you are doing it right......