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Parenting

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Original poster

10yo DS and his Bedroom From Hell

22 replies

Snorbs · 22/05/2009 14:36

My two DCs have a bedroom each - DS, 10yo, has a room almost as big as mine and it's a tip. DD, 7yo, has a room half the size and she keeps it reasonably tidy with a bit of reminding.

Part of the problem is, I think, that there's simply Too Much Crap in their rooms, DS's in particular (loads of old toys he doesn't play with plus mountains of books and comics), but he refuses to part with any of it. We've got toyboxes and so on but it doesn't really seem to help - if anything, all it does is encourage him to hang on to even more old beloved playthings junk.

I'm seriously tempted to say to him that if he doesn't keep his bedroom reasonably tidy between now and the summer holidays, he's swapping bedrooms with his sister so she gets the big room and he gets the smaller one. It would likely cause him to sulk for weeks, though.

Or does anyone have any ideas how I can incentivise, cajole, threaten or otherwise brow-beat the little sod darling into keeping things tidy enough that you can at least see most of the carpet? They're both fantastic kids most of the time but the state of bedrooms has become An Issue.

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Grammaticus · 22/05/2009 14:39

Why is it an issue? Is it hygiene, inability to hoover, what? To some extent, surely, it's their space, even at this age, so I'd be looking for a compromise if I were you.

passmethegin · 22/05/2009 14:40

The next time he really wants a particular new toy, say he can have it on condition that he lets you get rid of some stuff.
Or, every few days take something out of his room without him seeing you. If he hasn't realised it's gone within a week or two, get rid of it!

Tortington · 22/05/2009 14:40

you - favourite book or magasine - cup of coffee - sit on his bed.

and say - right tidy up now, neither of us are going anywhere til it's done.

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GrapefruitMoon · 22/05/2009 14:43

If he doesn't play with the toys, have a clear out while he is at school or otherwise occupied. If you are worried that he will miss them straightaway, hide them somewhere for a bit before actually getting rid of them.

However, some kids are naturally messy, even without much "stuff". DD doesn't have toys anymore but it is regularly impossible to get into her bedroom because there is so much stuff on the floor....

seeker · 22/05/2009 14:44

Shut the door. Don't go in. It's his space. If he wants it like that, it's his decision.

seeker · 22/05/2009 14:45

But make sure that there is enough storage so that if he wants to tidy up it's actually possible for him to do it.

slug · 22/05/2009 15:04

We solved this one by sorting out the toys into 'broken' 'too babyish' and 'played with in last 6 months'. The babyish ones were then ceremoniously to the little girl next door and the broken ones were binned. You could couch it in terms of 'recycling' or 'donating to charity'.

I, also, have been known to quietly bag up toys I know will not be played with again and hide them for a few weeks to see if they are missed or not.

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2009 15:07

Close the door.

Occasionally announce that you need to vacuum, and give half an hour for everything to be off the floor (on the bed is acceptable).

I'm mildly shocked at people thinking it's fine to take a 10yos possessions and throw them out / give them away.

MadreInglese · 22/05/2009 15:09

Ah yes, we are also inflicted with Too Much Crap

I find little incentives (ie bribery) works well

And tidying little and often, get him to do say 5 mins a day, and frequent charity shop clearouts, slows the Crap Accumulation a little

Original poster

Snorbs · 22/05/2009 15:15

Hmm. Now that it's been mentioned, I can see the point behind the "it's his space" opinions. I suppose it bugs me so much because:

a) when he has friends over, they never go in his bedroom as there isn't any room to play
b) I can't hoover properly in there
c) The risk of accidentally treading on something fragile and/or ouchy is very high when trying to make his bed or just open the curtains
d) I'm no neatness freak (very, very far from it) but his room looks like Steptoe's yard.
e) If he's this messy at 10, I shudder to think what he's going to be like at 14.

Fundamentally, it strikes me as basically disrespectful. Sure, it's his room, but it's in our home. It was my DD who first asked how come he got the big room even though it was a tip while she got the small one but at least tried to keep it tidy. I genuinely couldn't think of a good answer to that other than "He was born first so he got first choice of room" but that sounded very lame.

That was what led me to consider just having them swap rooms - at least, that way, he'll have a smaller space to mess up plus DD gets a "reward" for keeping a tidy room. It could backfire spectacularly, though

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2009 15:23

My DS is 15 so I don't change the bed or open the curtains... just throw a clean set at him from time to time and leave him to get on with it

But the friends to play does seem important - it's not exactly fair that they get to take up other space in the house just because it's a pit. Could you make it a threat before he has people round he has to clean up?

Ivykaty44 · 22/05/2009 15:26

Does your son tell you how to keep your bedroom?

I am a tidy person - but I have to leave my dd to keep her room as she likes. I hate the fact her room is a mess but I have to close the door and remind myself I want my space left alone.

Morloth · 22/05/2009 15:34

Close the door. In relation to your list:

a) when he has friends over, they never go in his bedroom as there isn't any room to play. No friends over unless they play in room

b) I can't hoover properly in there. Don't hoover in there at all

c) The risk of accidentally treading on something fragile and/or ouchy is very high when trying to make his bed or just open the curtains. Don't open curtains or make bed

d) I'm no neatness freak (very, very far from it) but his room looks like Steptoe's yard. Close the door, door itself is better to look at

e) If he's this messy at 10, I shudder to think what he's going to be like at 14. Doesn't matter cause you are going to close the door when he is 14 as well

Changing their rooms sounds like an effort way too far for me, which will result in much upset all round.

webwiz · 22/05/2009 15:42

My DCs are 17, 15 and 12 and the house rule is rooms are tidied every sunday afternoon or no pocket money. My standards of "tidy" are very low and just mean a vaguely cleared floor, dirty washing out and no rotting food under beds. The older two are spared room tidying at the moment because they are revising for exams so DD2's room has decended into chaos. At 10 I would expect to help with tidying - they can have their own space without it being a disgusting mess.

bellavita · 22/05/2009 15:49

DS1 (12 next month) seems to like his bedroom being a tip. But, I have learnt to close the door on it (with the window open to get rid of "boy smells") during the week and then on a Sunday he has to have a quick tidy before any pocket money is given. On the next day, I will then hoover what I can and polish the bits that can be seen.

My mum would just say that's boys for you!

Ivykaty44 · 22/05/2009 16:20

It isn't just boys that have "that" smell, girls do aswell and boy do my dd's feet smell

seeker · 22/05/2009 16:45

12 is QUITE old enough to be hoovering his own room. And the rest of the house as well!

bellavita · 22/05/2009 17:01

seeker - I have made him do it many a time (but I will do it properly the next day for my own piece of mind )

Actually, my DS2 (9) does a far better job of hoovering and polishing - and he actually asks to do it!

Original poster

Snorbs · 23/05/2009 11:19

Thanks everyone. You've given me much food for thought. I'm now leaning towards the "pocket money is conditional on tidiness of bedroom" approach...

OP posts:

seeker · 23/05/2009 15:59

I really don't think pocket money should be conditional on anything. This is another hobby horse of mine (I have many!)

babyphat · 23/05/2009 18:17

when i was a kid i had to tidy, hoover and dust my own room from 8 or 9 to get my full whack of pocket money, changed the sheets too i think. no point in doing stuff for kids that they can do themselves or they'll just take it for granted. make 'em do it!

lljkk · 23/05/2009 18:30

I identify with a lot of what you said, Snorbs -- although it's not an affront to me that there's mess, it's just completely impractical.

(And a health hazard if you have a DD like mine who insists on hiding dead things in the house until they breed maggots -- yes, this really happened to us).

Since their rooms are a mess, it becomes easy to cull old toys/sets/items they truly do not play with any more. They haven't a clue where the items are, so they won't be able to figure out what's not there (and gone to charity shop).

Smaller rooms are an incentive to keep clean; swapping rooms is not such a bad idea. You don't have enough floor space to let a small room get so messy.

I sometimes make it a condition of a nice outing (like a sleepover, or McDonald's, or Legoland whatever they like) that they tidy their rooms, at least occasionally.

Hope that's more food for thought.

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