Help please - 4yo ds1 urinating all over the house!!

[BirdyArms]

My 4yo ds1 has on several occasions in the past month urinated on radiators at home. The times I know about are as follows:-

1. When he messing around at bedtime I shouted it at him and told him to stay in his room and he urinated by his radiator - I saw a patch or wet when I went in again

2. when he had a friend over to play - friend told his mother 'I was very good at ds1's house, he told me to wee behind his brother's radiator and I didn't but ds1 did'

3. First thing in the morning, he woke up in a sunny mood, I went back into his room and caught him at it

4. Just now, had been upstairs for quite a while putting reluctant ds2 down for a nap, came back down and found a pool on the kitchen floor.

He's also told me that he's done it a few more times in his room, no idea when.

I don't understand why he's doing it - he's told me he can't get to the loo in time but he usually has great bladder control so i don't think that's true. He is generally quite mischevious so I wonder if he's just doing it for fun.

I have no idea how to stop him. I have explained to him gross it is, sat him on the naughty step (which we don't use often so quite a big deal) and each time he has been upset and promised not to do it again. I don't know what else to do.

Has anyone else been through this? Anyone got any idea what I could do?

I'd make the little darling clean it up. He'll soon get sick of it.

I did think about that Fluffybunny but he loves mopping floors, and don't think he's do a great job on the carpet in his bedroom.

I think he needs quite a strong punishment tbh. Would he take any notice if you/your dh speak to him in a Very Angry Voice? It always worked when ds was little, not from me but from daddy who had an excellent Voice for those occasions.

And take away privileges, eg friends round to play, tv time, favourite toys etc.

Have you thought about ruling out a urinary tract infection? If all is well physically, he is old enough to clean up the mess and have punishments like no telly etc.

I am pretty sure it's not anything physical, the incidents are quite spaced out and he hasn't complained of any pain etc. You are right he needs a stronger punishment though he isn't the easiest to punish, he's relentlessly optimistic and most things are water off a duck's back eg this afternoon we were about to make a 'treasure box' which he was really excited about, when I found the puddle on the floor I told him that he can't make the box and he said 'Never mind, I'll play with my lego'. TV time might make more of an impression though, I don't take that away because it's my failsafe way of stopping sibling bickering whilst I'm cooking supper.

Before you start upping the punishment are you sure there isn't anything going on in his life that is unsettling him or upsetting him or making him want/need more of your attention? My brother did something similar at 4, it was definitely an attention-getter and 'upping the punishment' which was my parents response made things a whole lot worse.

Personally I'd get him to clean it up properly (this may take some time) but otherwise downplay your reaction and see if that helps. If it doesn't then the punishment route is still open to you but when you've started down that route its hard to U-turn.

I'd tell him that if he can't control himself properly he will need to wear a baby nappy...and you will tell his friends.....(peer pressure normally works with my 4 year old DS).

jazz, that is a shocking suggestion
(exactly the sort of thing my ex comes up with

depends really whether the "suggestion" has the desired effect or whether you actually have to resort to doing it....

Seems to be an appropriate potential punishment given the nature of the offence. Don't suppose my Ds would particularly want to see whether or not I would carry it out.

Unfortunately if you have a child who isn't particularly attached to any toy/TV you sometimes have to be a bit more inventive.

Would save on any potential shouting matches over the issue too I should imagine.

...but it's what works for you/your child. Hardly shocking though....more embarrassing I would have thought.

That is kind of my point, I think it is shocking to suggest that the way to deal with a childs behaviour is by humiliating and embarrasing them (or making them think you will). I think it is pretty well accepted that using humiliation or threatened humiliation as a punishment is not acceptable and is tantermount to bullying.

I realise you will not agree and I am not trying to start a fight, I just wanted to explain why I thought it was shocking.

wb - I really posted on here because I am concerned that there might be something more behind it though I really don't know what. If there is I think that ds1 himself doesn't know why he's doing it - he's done this when he's seemed perfectly happy eg playing with his friend. Only thing I can think of is that he's jealous of ds2 (2yo) who is generally a much more affectionate and easier child - I try to treat them equally but am probably not always doing so.

Today I told him no more TV for the rest of the day and that if he does it again there will be no more TV for 2 days. Dh also had stern words with him when he got home. I don't feel comfortable anything more harsh because I do think he might be doing it because he's unhappy in some way but at the same time I think he does need a deterrent so that he might express his unhappiness more hygienically.