Thinking about a third child - do you go with your head or your heart?

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I always wanted a big family. Have always imagined 3 or 4 children.
DH was never very keen and when we talked before getting married he said he's always imagined having no kids or maybe 1.
I could not ever contemplate having an only child (cant explain why, its just so the opposite of my experience I cant imagine it) and he came round and agreed he'd be happy with 1 or 2.

We now have 2 children. I am aware he's done most of the compromising so far and have therefore put no pressure on him for another child. Have barely mentioned it.
Youngest child is 1.5 years and DH has mentioned that he thinks it would be a good idea to get a vasectomy.
I'm putting him off as it seems so final.
I think I need to decide whether to let my thoughts of a third child go and put it out of my mind completely to move on, or whether its something I cant let go and try to work something out with DH.

Reasons for a 3rd - I've always imagined I would have 3 or more, 2 feels like a 'small family' to me still
I am one of four and LOVE the times we all get together now we are adults. We meet every couple of months all of us and always fill a table for 20 in a restaurant with all the partners and kids there. When I see my Mum at the head of the table with all her family round her I want that for when I'm older!
I like being pregnant, cant imagine never doing it again. Love the newborn stage and want to bf again.
I have names already thought up!
I'd like the chance to have a girl, although obviously I cant choose! and would be happy to have anothe boy

Reasons NOT to have a 3rd - DH doesnt want more - MASSIVE reason!!
DS1 is VERY hard work. He's being assessed for Aspergers/ADHD and I can just manage him and the baby now. I do worry that he will get even harder work as he gets older rather than easier and that I will struggle to manage more than 2. For example he is in buggy at the moment as he is a runner and cant see him managing to walk nicely for a good while yet
DS2 is just starting to sleep all night and I'm enjoying the peaceful nights!
I'm starting to think about re-training/going back to work now and also feeling like I've got a bit more of a social life back with going out with friends etc. If I had another one i would put all that back another couple of years.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for really, I'm just thinking about this a lot and cant seem to get things straight in my head.
I need to have a proper talk with DH soon and need to work out whether to start things off with a 'yes, lets stop now, you go and book the snip' or whether to start things off with a 'I really want another child, how are we going to work through this?'
I guess the crux of it is that I cant decide whether I want another child enough to cause problems with DH over it.

doodlemum For reasons I can't go into so it's pointless elaborating, it's very bizarre that your username is in this conversation I've just joined. I'm a bit perturbed at the synchroniciousness of it ...

Anyway, to answer your question, I came to terms with it quite recently by accepting that I loved my new man more than I loved the idea of having another baby.

I analysed that I was feeling broody because I'd fallen in love with him and he was childless and I couldn't think of a more wonderful gift to give theman you love than his own child. But once he'd properly convinced me he didn't really want children, the deflation was instant. I even lost my pram obsession virtually overnight.

I too am on the fence over this....very happy with 2. DH and I had agreed on 2. Then we started contemplating 3. We are both at about 33% wanting a 3rd (so went from 0% in about 6 months) but my age means we will have to decide in the next 6 months. Not sure how to make the decision on this....

So interesting to see this pop up again, two years after I resurrected it. I am intrigued by your post Snowme. I have been known to believe in weird fate/coincidence stuff - it seems my username has meant something to you.

Anyway, thanks for answering my question, especially as I am not convinced I have made my peace with not having a third - we never did do it and I can't see it happening now.

I do think most people will say just do it as, arguably, the "what if" doesn't go away. But equally I think those who think a third was a mistake wouldn't come forward as easily to say it.

I don't really have advice for others as it is such personal decision based on so many factors. I have (pretty much) decided that I am not the natural mother I would have liked to have been and the reality of another baby and person growing up would probably be too much for me to cope with and the risks of my existing two DC, my health and marriage suffering seemed too great. And thats before you contemplate the risks inherent in every pregnancy, that also typically increase as you get older. But that's just me, I'm not really a risk taker!

So I try to focus on all the things we can do without that third in tow, and by that I mean beautiful shared moments with my two kids, that i believe would have been scarcer as a tired, stressed mummy of three, as well as the more practical things like holidays, hobbies etc.

I felt like most of the posters on this thread for a long time and eventually we decided To try for number three. Our oldest is now 9 and I am 29 weeks pregnant so there is a large age gao but we are so happy and excited. I'd have always been wondering what if and dh was happy to go along with whatever I wanted to do.
We have no family close by but are financially secure, fairly young and have a large age gap so it was a consideration of heart and head for us.