help.my sister has resumed smoking after 1yr given up. now she has 10wk old baby...

[TheHumanTorchIsDeniedaBankLoan]

I dont know what to do.

I have a nasty text but I cant bring myself to send it
Criticizing her will start world war 3 in the family

how can I get her to see she is irresponsible? she is 25. her partner smoked throughout her pregancy, his excuse is depression issues, and he has been made redundant recently
I understand she is under stress but so is everyone?

keep out of it

only thinking of the baby...?

shed given up for a year...over a year?

just feel sad

actually venting on here instead of the text is supportive,..

It is her job to think of the baby, you can support her in giving up, you can feel disappointed that she has started but you do not have the right to be angry with her or anything else, this is her life and her family.

Keep your nasty messages to yourself.

It's terrible and I don't blame you for being upset, but you have to stay out of it.

you could, gently, talk to her about it and find out why she's gone back to it after doing so well and offer your support for stopping again.

nasty message is deleted

thanks for some 'sarcasm'.................
its how I feel.

How about finding out why she started again? why she felt she needed that crutch? She will feel shit enough having started smoking again, dont make it worse!

Ok, so you want to vent?

Fair enough, yes it is sad after all that work but it is perfctly normal. Giving up smoking is hard and a year is not actually that long, you still get cravings a year on you know! It is surprising how tough it can be and for how long.

Feel sad and supportive, don't feel angry.

Are they smoking in the house? If so then I agree, that is way out of order.
If not then it is just her choice, she is probably bored/overwhelmed/stressed at being a new mom and has fallen back on her crutch.
Nothing you can do really.

glad I posted.

Im losing the anger now. Just feel let down for the wee un.

I am an ex smoker myself. I understand about cravings. I gave up a few years before I had my kids.

It is dissapointing, I do understand that, I fell at the one year hurdle myself which is why I do understand how it happened.

I am angry and dissapointed in myself but I know that, had a relative had a go at me, I would have been very hostile about it. A family row is not going to help any of you so it is great that you are letting the anger go.

Sadly I am not sure you can do anything really, the will to quit has to come from the smoker (as you know) so all you can do is be there when she does try again IYSWIM.

Hoepfully that will be sooner rather than later but falling after such a long time is a serious knock. It can take quite a time to convince yourself it is worth trying again.

Do they smoke in the house and around the baby? I bet they don't.

It's far from ideal but it's hardly shocking parenting either.

Oh OP, I do understand.
I empathised with my mother every time she started smoking again, as I knew how difficult it seemed to give up myself, but I wish I'd taken the chance of being angry making a difference instead, as she now has terminal cancer

But like Kingcanute says, the will to stop has to come from the smoker. It doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks, it rarely works that way.

My (much loved by all) MIL continues to smoke despite heart disease. She probably won't last another 5 years, and she knows she'll miss seeing her grandchildren grow up, but she'll never stop.

My mum gave me a hard time for years about smoking, but I only stopped when I was ready.

There is nothing you can do and nor should you try

She gave up for her pregnancy, which is fantastic and should be congratulated, many women can't manage that

I've never smoked but my parents did and when they gave up, I could see how hard it was, my mum hasn't smoked for 15 years but says she has days where she could

Lay off, not your business

Notplaying, I am very sorry to hear about your mum, I can't imagine what that feels like for you.

I just wanted to say though that getting angry with your mum years ago would have been very unlikely to have stopped her smoking but very likely to have damaged your realtionship with her. I can understnad you feeling like you should, like it is a thing you did not try that may have helped but I have never yet me or heard of anyone who gave up smoking because their child got angry at them. Shame as that is.