Shall I take him out of Playschool or carry on?

[Claire2009]

Ds is 2.1yo
He's been at Playschool for 4wks now, he cried going in from the start so I sat with him for the first 5-10 mins until he'd calmed down. Then after a couple of sessions like that he was happy and would go in fine without the tantrums/clingyness.

Today he threw a huge great tantrum when it was time to go in, the lady opened the door and said "So are you coming in Joe?" and he chucked himself on the floor yelling, screaming, flailing his body about everywhere. I picked him up and calmed him down and went in with him ...was there 5-10 mins and he settled but when I went to go he went mental again...

Would you take him out & try again in a few months?

I put him in so he wouldn't be a clingy toddler, well moreso it would help him be less clingy as he is already clingy! And also to socialise and improve his speech, to which it has done!

Some children do take a while to settle. I'm in a similar position to you right now, only it's my third dc begining nursery, so I've seen what comes next.

My gut feeling is that if you like the nursery and feel that it is the right place for your ds, you should continue taking him. If he settles down and is happy after you have left, then he'll be OK. If he's busy when you collect him, that is a good sign. What do the nursery staff tell you about him?

I find that the best thing to do is to always hand the child over to the same member of staff. In fact ds2's nursery have rearranged their staff schedules slightly to accommodate this, and I always put him in his keyworker's lap before kissing him goodbye, reminding him to have fun and the mummy will come back later, and scramming without looking back. At first I had to peel him off me, screaming blue murder (ds screaming), but now he tends to let me pass him over without too much fuss, even if he then has a bit of a sob.

It's not easy. But, if the nursery is good, then ultimately it's worthwhile.

If he doesn't need to go for because of your work or because you need some time, then don't send him. It's not compulsory.

If you want him to socialize then maybe find some toddler groups that you can stay and have a coffee (and maybe socialize a bit yourself)

The best way to improve his speech (although at 2.1 he doesn't need to - he's getting there) is to talk to him tons. And listen to him.

No advice, but interested in the answers.

Dd1 is 3.4, been at pre school 2mornings a week since sep, and still doesn't want to go, and in fact last week threw up after I left, and they think it was possibly cos she got so upset . She often tells me she cried a bit because she wanted me.

We went againts complaints of not wanting to go to nursery for 8 months. In the end it has taken us at least that amount of time that to undo the damage that was done.

Go with your gut feeling. If you can see no reason except separation anxiety stick with it. But if it doesn't settle down in a couple of months have another think about why and whether you are still happy.

I ignored the warning signs as every one told me he had to be at nursery. There is no law that says this so don't let anyone push you into. Do what you feel is right. Good luck, it is hard to know what is for the best!

I agree with Seeker. If you don't need to send him, and he is giving you a pretty clear message that he would rather stay with you, then I don't really see the point of making him go. Take him to lots of toddler groups that you can go to together.

To be honest, they tend play alongside other kids (as opposed to play with other kids) until they're about 3 anyway, so it's not like he's going to miss out on much by not going to playgroup.

It's normal for kids to be clingy at 2. It's not a bad thing at all, in fact it shows that he has a secure attachment to you.

Seeker, I'm a sahm so he doesn't need to go because I am at work, and as for socialisation, we go to M&T on Tues, Weds, Thurs & Fri. All different ones so we are out lots.

He's at Playschool Mon afternoon 12.15-2.45pm and Thurs afternoon same times.

Playschool say he shouts for 1-2 mins when I go then calms down and goes to play, his speech and general understanding has got a lot better in the last 4wks but he's having wicked tantrums with it.

Dd is 3.2yo and at Playschool each time he goes for the 2.5hrs. She does 2 full days and 1 half day a week and loves it there

"If you can see no reason except separation anxiety stick with it."

I tend to disagree. Separation anxiety is real - if you don't have to put them through it, then don't. It's not something that needs to be "cured" - it gets better with time and growing up.

Fair point seeker. Had miss fact child so young. If I had same at 2 I would pull ds out.

Claire - Your ds goes to M&T etc so has several other opportunities to socialise.

He is only 2.1. That is really little! He wont be harmed at all by having a few months/year away before perhaps trying again.

If he is going to cause that much fuss on a regular basis it is going to be tough on you........

HTH

I would give it til he's been there about 6 weeks. 4 weeks is still early on and he'll still be settling in. A little boy at DS' playgroup has been there since September and still occasionally has days where he will scream and cry when his mum leaves but most of the time he loves it. She decided not to pull him out cos the majority of the time he does enjoy going and just has off days occasionally and doesn't want to go. I'm sure we all have days where we don't want to do something but it's ok once we're there and doing it.