Three year old "pushing the boundaries" - help

[deegward]

I am sure I will get lots of good advice from the mumsnetters, as I am at my wits end.

Gave birth 4 weeks ago to ds2, since then (no who am I kidding he's been like this for ages) my ds1 have been a little s**t. Everything is an argument, if we go out he whines that he doesn't want to go home, if he goes on a playdate, he bawls when it is time to go home. His favourite word is No, and he is a nightmare to get dressed in the morning. I have tried not to give in to the whining, and ignore any bad behaviour. This evening though tipped the balance.

After bath he was in his room playingm, I went up to find that he had enptied talc everywhere, he thought it was funny. Dh went mad, and threatened to kill him (I exaggerate. DS knows he did wrong, but what can I do, I feel I am always battling.

I make time to spend just with him and not the baby, he is brilliant with him , and gives him kisses all the time. Please help!

deegward - I can completely empathise - been here with my 3 yr old (was 2 & 8 months when ds2 was born.) It seems bizarre I know, but the way Christopher Green explains it in Toddler Taming just does make sense - in the absence of the sort of attention they previously used to get, toddlers revert to extreme naughtiness because even getting told off is better than simply being ignored (in their little minds at least) by mummy.
Easy to say, but I think the only sanity preserving method is to not alllow yourself to get riled by it - if you can keep your cool and the behaviour doesn't illicit the wanted response (i.e. you shouting/ hot & bothered etc) then it's less likely to be repeated.
That said, DS1 (aged 3 yrs 4 months) was a complete S*&t himself today and managed to wind me up BIG time with his whining and tantrums when we went to a friends 4th birthday party...

oh lordy deegward - I SO know where you are coming from and the next child is still in my tum! My ds has been playing up so badly that i just burst into tears yesterday fearful of how i am going to cope - everything is a battle, all is wants to blooming do is watch television and there are such tantrums and constant winghing you wouldn't believe. I guess my ds must just be playing up, picking up on the fact that some big changes are imminent. So, not any advice I am afraid but loads and loads of empathy shooting your way.

Know how you are feeling, my DS is (hopefully) coming out of this stage at the moment.

Sure he is probably just adjusting to the new baby.

Hope everything goes well

No one added anything here for a while so assume most people are raising perfect children!!!!

I am not one of them .. ds1 (6yr 2mths) still has occassional tantrum, but generally this is because he too tired after school. Ds2 (2yr 11mths) is completely driving me up the wall with his moaning and winging, get me .. give me .. I don't want to ..

Beginning to feel I am dreaming it all up half the time and am expecting 3rd in 9 wks so probably feeling a bit sorry for myself .. no I am not dreaming he really is that bad!!

Unfortunately I don't think there is a solution, but it really helps to talk to other people with children the same age to realise you are not the only one. But then isn't this true of most things!!

She's perfect most days but lately she's being a right little b*ch.
I got through the "terrible two's" and thought oh that wasn't too bad, but lately (she's now 3 1/2) the tantrums and whining are enough to send me running.
I notice on this thread that some of us say we're pg and wondered if this is a pattern. I'm now 5 mths pg and one of dd's latest is "I want a carry", I'm sure she does this because she knows I can't carry her anymore.
Does this happen at this age or because we're pg?

Angelmother, I think its a bit of both. Certainly my ds1 knows when I can't do things due to ds2 and usually asks for me then. Lovely !

But it does go from bad to worse, today the preschool told me that he has upset a little girl by grabbing at her. When I asked him why he said it was just that he didn't want her to play with him. All perfectly reasonable in his world. We have told him that is NOT acceptable to; grab, hit, punch, or do anything bad to another child, he says sorry, but still is obviously doing it.

What do I do? I can see I am raising a bully. The thing is he played at a friends house yesterday beautifully, with no hitting or anything so I know he can do it. At wits end

Thank goodness I'm not alone!! My Ds was an angel in the for the first 8 weeks of me having ds no 2 and now he's not! I'm spending as much time as possible with him, not getting angry with him and ignoring the behaviour and by the evening i'm shattered. Very lucky that ds no 2 sleeps alot and dh is home for the bath time routine. Although tonight he was working late so I it was a nightmare. Now recovering with a gin & tonic ( v large, i must add)and v glad its Friday tomorrow, as ds no 1 is at nursery all day!