Bath and bedtime with 2yo and newborn, any tips please?

[MegBusset]

Am currently getting to grips with the logistics of having a 2yo and a newborn to deal with. DS2 (2 weeks) is going to bed around 9pm, which is fine as DS1 is already in bed. But DS1's bedtime is proving a bit trickier.

Main problem is DS1 needs a bath and covering in various creams every night (for his eczema) which takes quite a while -- at least half an hour for the whole shebang and is basically impossible to do while holding, feeding or slinging DS2 (as DS1 is an uncooperative independent little bugger darling and needs chasing round the room/pinning down etc).

This seems to coincide with DS2 (who is BF) wanting a huge evening cluster feed and getting very cross at having to wait.

I don't mind DS2 grumbling for 5-10 mins while he waits for me to be free to feed him (seems inevitable for second babies) but half an hour seems too long for him to wait. But I literally cannot tend to him and DS1 at the same time. DH is sometimes around at this time but DS1 screams for me if DH tries to bathe him and ideally i'd like to keep doing DS1's bathtime as we don't get much 1-on-1 time during the day.

Any ideas?? Or do I just accept it's going to be a chaos of trying to tend to everyone until DS2's feeding gets more predictable?

Ahhh...I remember those early days.
A logistical nightmare!

I remember putting DS in a vibrating chair, which settled him long enough to see to DD.

Oh, I so wish I could offer some advice..... DD1 and DD2 are exactly 2 yrs apart. I used to bf DD2 while DD1 was having tea, then straight up to bath (both together with DD2 in bath support), DD2 out first and dressed etc. I'd pop DD2 into a bouncy chair and rock it vigorously with my foot while cuddling DD1 and reading her bedtime story then DD1 to bed, take DD2 through to her room and bf and put to bed - but yes, DD2 had to wait (and she didn't want to..... cue much crying), have you tried a dummy? I'm now in an even worse situation of 5 wk old DS, 2 yr old DD2 and 4 yr old DD1, still no real idea what's best - DS bf before bath time then shoved into bouncy chair and rocked while I read stories to the girls - at least now my two little helpers will shove the dummy back in when the poor poppet starts to cry.... Once they are in bed (well - in their room with stair gate across the door, bouncing, giggling, singing and taking all their books into bed), DS bf again and put to bed around 7.30pm (well - swaddled and shoved in moses basket with dummy in and I have large G&T). It's an endurance excercise, accept and embrace the chaos - it starts to improve around 6 weeks - or so I tell myself (that's next week for me, so here's hoping......!)

Oh Megbusset, I remember this bit oh so well! I think all I can say is that you will get through this bit and to manage as best you can. There is no immediate solution if you're on your own but to grit your teeth and juggle those balls the best you can. I know that doesn't really help... BUT it does get better. Second use of vibrating bouncer chair. Sometimes the second one just has to cry a bit and its tough. I always felt I used to make up for it by cluster feeding DS all evening once DD was in bed. Bit by bit you'll find that DS2 will be happy to kick around whilst you deal with DS1. Now my DS is 7 months I cope with joint bedtime by doing bath really early at say 5.30 before DS gets too tired and then put DS to bed at 6.30, with DD dancing in attendance, and then she comes downstairs for a bit and goes to bed at 7ish so she gets her time with me. We didn't get to this point until DS was about 5 months though. Oh and I now only do a bath about 2/3 times a week! Hang in there .

have you tried giving ds2 a small top up feed prior to starting bathtime routine to stave off hunger for a bit longer to give you time with ds1?

or can ds1 bhave his bathtime put back just after feed time of ds2?

my dd was 2 when i had ds, and while dealt with ds i had to make her feel very very important (yes, you will all probably know this trck a mile ff) by giving lots f very very important jobs to do while i dealt with ds, eg, throw nappy bags over bannister diown stairs, big job, thank you, huge comments of clevr girl... get pyjamas from bed (laid out earlier in day) clever girl etc etc, get me a book / sponge / shoe / whatever / aren't you a clever girl etc etc just to keep them occupied till it is 'their' time.. good luck though!!!

I just started giving less baths lol. Slightly different if your DS has to be covered in cream. Does DS like his bath? Can you feed DS2 whilst DS1 is in the bath - sitting next to bath I mean not downstairs or something . You can still talk to DS, playing games...new toys...oh what a clever boy ...you get the picture. Can you make it a game that he dries himself off? Or do the bath earlier?

I just found emphasising how clever DS was whilst I cuddled DD worked. It will only be for a few weeks then you can have your one to one time again?

We moved bath to before tea time. Then tea in pyjamas, then everyone upstairs for cuddles, milk and stories. Much easier. dd didn't seem to mind too much for a few months until they were able to be bathed and put to bed at the same time.

Could you try bathing DS1 less often?

My DD has excema which improved massively by redcing the frequency of her baths.

Ah yes, what a nightmare, I remember it all too well.

Some possible approaches:

Can you give DS1 his bath and creams some other time of day when DS2 is more settled/less needing to feed?

Can you give DS1 a bath less often and just do the creams every day?

Would it help if you had DS2 in some kind of sling leaving your arms free? Might he be okay then? (This worked for me although I never used one of those ones where you can allegedly feed whilst walking about!)

DS2 just gone to bed and have poured large red wine so have time to read all your kind replies

Bouncy chair is a good one, I do have one although it's still up in the attic. DS2 might be happier in that, he's not too keen on being stuck in his carrycot if he's awake.

We have tried bathing DS1 less often but his skin got worse. But he is pretty self-sufficient while in the bath so perhaps I could either feed or bathe DS2 at the same time.

Can I ask what age you all started putting the baby to bed around the same time as the toddler? At the moment DS2 is going to bed between 9-10pm and getting up around 7am, I can't for the life of me remember when we started being able to put DS1 to bed earlier without him getting up at the crack of dawn.

I think it sort of happened once DD started sleeping for a bit longer in between feeds and stopped cluster feeding so much and was sleeping for the best part of the evening. To be honest I cant remember and she is only 8 months LOL.

I think it was around 4 months? Maybe sooner. Then you can figure out how to get that done at the same time LOL.

Happy wine drinking - I have Rose.

I think about 4/5 months. As others have said, once cluster feeding stopped. Slowly moved backwards. And now at 7 months he goes first.

Thank you, it's amazing how much leaks out of your brain in two years of parenting!

See if you can find/borrow a second hand swing. We found out DS wouldn't settle in a bouncy chair till he was a bit older, but loved the swing from week 2 and would go in it for up to half an hour, before falling asleep! You could put baby in swing in DS1's room if bathroom is close by, bathe DS1, and then move him to the bedroom. When DS1 is creamed (and baby is just drifting off in the swing) you can feed the baby with DS1 on your knee, put DS1 to bed and deal with baby's night time.

Hi MegBusset, does your DS2 have a nap around tea time? If so could you give DS1 his bath and creams then, not ideal I know but would mean you could do it in peace. Another idea would be to feed DS2 before DS1's usual bedtime and hope he has a nap while you bath and sort DS1 - know exactly where you are - I have exactly 2 years between my two boys - they're 3.5 and 1.5 now but I remember the early days of chaos very well

Also - I started putting DS2 to bed at 7pm from birth - of course he was with us in the sitting room for the first couple of months and didn't usually sleep the whole time, but it got him used to the whole bath, feed, bed thing. I think he was probably about 8 or 10 weeks when he started going to sleep at 7pm ish and sleeping through (just waking for feeds) HTH

Thanks Ministry. DS2 tends to have a nap around 5.30ish which I use to give DS1 his tea! Today he slept from 6-7.30 and woke up just as DS1 had gone to sleep so I got to do DS1's bedtime in peace

How about doing DS1s bath earlier - e.g. before dinner?