Musing, why is the Mother Child love so unique?

[hereidrawtheline]

I am just wondering... been on my mind for a while. I can think of millions of reasons but it seems the sum total is more than its parts.

Now first off love is love, and with that Father Child/grandparent/sister/friend you name it love can all be strong as anything and equally can all go tits up i.e. some Mothers clearly are not raking it in the love stakes. But setting those facts aside mother/child love is something so unique and totally raw and overpowering that I think I need to understand it more.

With DS, I love him more than anything. I can easily and without hesitation say that. And my very greatest fears are him suffering in any way, or me being separated from him either by death or circumstances so I am not able to take care of him. Thinking of any of these things actually makes me cold to the core and is more horrific that any other thing I could ever imagine (not that I am trying, mind you!)

I read his face constantly, I feel like the most sensitive barometer of his life. I feel things he feels. He makes me remember what it is like to be a young child. How you can be exuberant and playfully hit your parent in the face (too hard) and be humiliated when they shout at you, when you thought you were making a funny thing happen, and it just went wrong. You know all the awful clumsy things we try. I just feel everything with him.

Now he is sick and I have this overwhelming smell surrounding him of sweetness. It is as strong as if you were in an enclosed room with 20 garlic baguettes baking, but it is this strange sweet smell I have never smelled before. It really smells nothing like his sweat. When DH got home I expected him to be knocked out by the smell, but he cant smell it! It is bizarre.

Why do we love each other so much? Why is it every time we sleep together he ends up plastered to my side in a king size bed? Why do we love each other so much. Biology cant account for all of this, parents who adopt are the same I am sure, the fondness of knowing someone from birth isnt enough either, thinking he is perfection - yes - but he drives me totally mad a lot of the time too! And while I secretly feel you may all be writhing in envy that he is not yours I do know that you arent, and you are probably thinking the same about me and your children, and that is how it should be.

I just dont get it. What flicks this switch. What makes you love your child so selflessly and unconditionally that life is coloured by their participation in it. I was reading a book about Mary Shelley, and her utter blankness and devastation when her children died, and I thought, yes, I dont blame you. I'd think of jumping into that water as well.

So... I waffle! But I really do want to know, how this mixture ends up the potent and totally unique thing it does. And I guess how it goes wrong? And you know I had terrible PND and have had times I have been so angry at DS but this love remains. It just wouldnt for anyone else. What do you think?

iamalsoadreamer do you think when our boys are strapping hard hairy men we will still crave cuddles in bed with them? I wonder that a lot! I cant imagine that ever shutting off wrt to DS but it is an image to make you chuckle! What will it feel like when their skin isnt angelic soft???

it has to be this strong because otherwise, if we were faced with a small, red, scrunched up, squalling creature that needed holding all the time, and wanted to suck milk from our breasts all day and all night, we would leave them on a hillside to be eaten by wolves

HTH

hereidrawtheline- lol I have wondered too
All I do know is that I am making the most of it as I know he won't always want to be this close too me
I read a thread on the teenage section the other day[dunno why I was there] but there was athread about what you would ahve done differently with your kids when they were younger and one post actually brought tears to my eye.
It was somethinh like she had met her teenager from school and that she just wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him but had to be content with a nod and a hello.
Tbh it broke my heart a bit cos I just cannot imagine my son getting there and yet I know he will.

What a lovely post. I have thought about this too, it must be a biological thing, but as it is such a strong feeling you cant help but wonder. I do love my friends, family and dp, but not like the love i have for dd. I really can not bear the thought that she will ever have to experience hurt or upset, and would much rather i went through it. Someday she will have to depend on other people or the outside world for part of her happiness, and that really scares me, as they do not feel for her the same as i do. I was not expecting this feeling at all, so found it overwhelming to begin with, especially the protectiveness. I cant even imagine the worry when they start being teenagers wanting to go out chasing after men and boozing. Im just hoping she'll turn out boring!!

not sure dh's love for them is that different from mine tbh

looking at the photos with him as babies, it's that same look of being totally in love

I still want the last chocolate biscuit though

dh far more selfless

correction: of him with them as babies

bumping as it is so lovely

I also didn't bond straight away with my dd, but I love her so much and it grows every day. It's taken my breath away in fact.

What a lovely post you have written. I can honestly say the feelings you have for your DS are the feelings I have for mine. The love I have for him is so strong it is somewhat overpowering and only a mother would understand this. My DS is 8 years old and he will still be my baby when he is a grown man. I have never loved anything or anyone like my darling DS.

pmsl Cory - do you reckon we choose partners where one is prepared to forgo the last choccie biscuit

I feel it too, overwhelming take-your-breath-away, almost-religious-fervour love. I have tried to work out where it came from. I walk down the high street looking at other mothers and think 'you've felt it too'. It's nothing to do with my LO looking like me because she doesn't, and she doesn't look like my dh either. I feel like I was made for this, that my whole reason for being is to love her, and it was only when she was born that I realised that. Ever since that day almost 2 years ago, I have felt euphoric and completely and utterly blessed.