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Original poster

how to answer DD's question - what does 'whore' mean?

19 replies

iheartdusty · 14/05/2009 21:07

she is 7
she was watching 'Hairspray' (original version) in which the nasty girl mouths this to the heroine.

I try to be honest but age-appropriate when she asks me questions.

I said it was a rude, unkind thing to say
and that it meant a girl who had too many boyfriends and wasn't nice to them.

But then I thought this was a rubbish answer.

At some later stage I want to address with DD double standards and hypocrisy regarding girls' sexuality. So I don't want to start at this tender age by feeding her the line that girls are to be condemned if they have several partners.

Any ideas? What can I (honestly and helpfully) tell her that 'whore' means? Or indeed if she comes next week and asks me what 'slag', slut' or 'tramp' mean, when she hears them on the bus?

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thisisyesterday · 14/05/2009 21:09

i thought whore meant prostitute not "just" someone who is a bit promiscuous>?

slayerette · 14/05/2009 21:10

Yes, whore means prostitute - so if you are going to be honest with your DD, you need to think of an age-appropriate way of explaining that...

Original poster
iheartdusty · 14/05/2009 21:10

technically I think you're right, thisisyesterday, but when it's used as an insult surely it just means promiscuous?

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poshsinglemum · 14/05/2009 21:14

Mabe explain that it has two meanings. Lots of words do.

Original poster
iheartdusty · 14/05/2009 21:15

what would those 2 meanings be? (that I could explain, I mean?)

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Original poster
iheartdusty · 14/05/2009 21:17

sorry, perhaps I am being dense. I do know what 'whore' means. I am not keen to explain prostitution to my 7 yr old. But I want to explain why it is insulting to say it to a girl, without appearing to agree that it is OK to call girls promiscuous as an insult.

does that make sense?

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mankymummy · 14/05/2009 21:18

i would start by saying that what she actually meant when she said whore was probably not what whore really means.

then explain what a whore is, technically and then tell her why she called her that and what she actually meant by saying that?

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2009 21:18

why not just say it's a girl who has sex with a lot of men

you needn't bring the money/prostitution aspect into it unless she questions you further.

Original poster
iheartdusty · 14/05/2009 21:27

thanks for the replies.

The problem is that I want to explain what it means, but also explain why it is objectionable to use it as an insult. If I say that it means a girl who has sex with a lot of men, I am implicitly endorsing the idea that it is a valid thing to do, to give such a girl a bad name.
However I guess the stuff about double standards will just have to wait a bit longer.

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JimJammum · 15/05/2009 20:51

Can you explain that it's a casual/slang word for a lady who has lots of boyfriends and they give her money to be their girlfriend, but sometimes people use it to be mean about a girl who has lots of boyfriends, and that using slang to be nasty is not a nice thing to do. Can you explain that she will hear words that are used when people want to be mean to each other.

I think the double standards issue might have to wait - I guess at the moment it's more important to express why it is not acceptable to call people names of any sort eg Bastard (when it has no reference to the original meaning of the word - I would imagine she'll hear this on the bus too as it's pretty commonplace).

Hope I have understood your query - don't have a 7yo, so not sure what is age appropriate.

InternationalFlight · 15/05/2009 20:52

Show her some Toulouse Lautrec paintings

In my mind that's where the word belongs. Historical France

Smithagain · 15/05/2009 20:55

Honestly? At seven, I'd just say it's a very, very rude word that she's not to use. I do agree in general with answering every question honestly, but there are things that seven year olds just don't need to know about yet.

(DD1 will be seven very soon. She knows about sex in a vague, making babies kind of way, but I don't see anything to be gained by letting her into the world of promiscuity, prostitution, etc, etc)

fluffles · 15/05/2009 20:56

what about - "a lady who goes out with men because they pay her money and not because she loves them"?

Original poster
iheartdusty · 15/05/2009 21:47

thanks, some interesting replies. I think I will try JimJammum's suggestion, if it comes up again. And I like your definition, fluffles.

smithagain, don't you find that saying something is a 'very rude word which she's not to use' just leads to that word being proudly brought out on the playground?! the alluring delight of knowing more bad words than anyone else...

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Smithagain · 16/05/2009 15:14

Not if I'm very, very stern indeed . Or at least, it worked when she came home and used the f-word. I didn't need to explain what it meant and I'm 99% certain she hasn't used it since!

Equally, it probably depends on the child. DD1 is a fairly compliant sort of child and I think would take my opinion on board. It might be a different matter when DD2 is seven.

madlentileater · 16/05/2009 15:19

mmm really tricky
in the context, is it being suggested that the heroine really is 'promiscuous' or is it simply a meaningless insult?
Because if the latter I would be inclined to think it sufficient to go for the 'very rude and unkind word' explanation.

nickschick · 16/05/2009 15:24

its what you use to row a boat with

lljkk · 16/05/2009 15:27

DD is 7. I would tell her that it's a woman who lets people have sex with her if they pay her money. Then we would talk about why that sounds like a horrible thing to do. And then I would say that whore is a particularly nasty word, a kind of swear word used to insult people, and it's not one she may ever use.

Original poster
iheartdusty · 16/05/2009 20:28

thanks, more good replies.

madlentileater, in context it is just an allegation of being generally 'loose' or immoral, 'Hairspray' is a parody of 1950s teen culture.

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