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Help - sleepovers starting

9 replies

Robinw · 17/05/2001 20:44

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Babynick · 18/05/2001 12:15

Hi. As a nanny my view of these things will be different to most parents view... but you find my comments useful.

Firstly, there is a big difference between sending your child to someone else's for a sleep over and hosting a sleepover yourself (don't do it!). Some children start going on sleepovers at a very early age... when I was working with army families, there were times when I would be responsible for children aged 3 months to 13 years, all at a sleepover. But don't worry, that's not usual.

I would say most children start going on sleepovers at the age of 5 or 6, once they have started school and settled in and made friends. As they get older, these sleepovers become slumber parties!

If hosting a sleepover, don't even try to bath any of the children... even your own - unless of course you have a swimming pool! Sure you can insist they wash and brush teeth, but don't expect too much in that department.

Bedtime stories can be fun... ghost stories especially. Some children will want stories, others will not... so take that as it comes. The best stories are ones that can involve some audience participation - thus why I like ghost stories when having a group of children... you can make it fun by getting them to do strange sounds - even better when camping (beavers/cubs/brownies/guides etc).

Sleeping in one room can be great... just get them all to bring a sleeping bag. If it's summer, sleeping in a tent in the garden is also great fun. When do they go home... AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. No, honestly, when starting out, best to get rid of them as early in the morning as you can - after all, the kids don't usually sleep!

If all you want to do is have some quiet time together as a couple... get a babysitter, it's far easier than having to return host a sleepover!

One last thing... always far easier if it's only one child who's sleeping over - a slumber party is not at all fun.

Nick the Nanny (and ex. Beaver/Club leader)

Tigermoth · 18/05/2001 13:30

RobinW, I'd second much of what Babynick has written, so I won't repeat it.

Especially agree on the bath issue.A no-no unless the children are absoultely clamouring for one and it's seen as a fun and splashy way to end the evening.

I'd also definitely pre-arrange an early morning pick up. In my experience it's in the morning that any trouble begins, with children getting on each other's nerves. It can be horrible!!

My son has had different friends, boys and girls, coming for sleepovers since he was about 5. We only have one friend at a time, so it's manageable. It's usually pretty enjoyable for all concerned, too. In the evening, the children are usually well behaved, because they see a sleepover as being such a treat - and there's always that possibility that you might cancel it if they get really out of hand. A threat to keep up your sleeve. We've never had to use this, though.

I insist on my husband being there for the evening as well, for practical and moral support. No slinking off for a few hours. Also, lay on some surprises and distractions, like Kinder Eggs, balloons, etc to diffuse any difficult moments.

In my experience, the children always fall asleep within an hour of bedtime. To encourage this we make bedtime an hour or (even) two hours later than normal. Watching a video pre-bed also helps to wind things down.

Lastly I always check with the child's parents about their sleeping/eating habits - the usual stuff. The worst combination is having one child who is a late-nighter with another who wakes up at the crack of dawn. Avoid!!

But on the whole I'd say yes, go for it. It should make your dd very happy along with her lucky friend.

PS Babynick: might need to pick yor brains on Beaver matters some other time, if that's Ok with you.

Babynick · 18/05/2001 22:14

PS Babynick: might need to pick yor brains on Beaver matters some other time, if that's Ok with you.

No problem... discussion on sleepovers can so easily lead on to discussion about camping or anything else to do with cubs/beavers/brownies.

PS... my name's Nick.

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Mommahen · 19/05/2001 23:39

well,i feel im quite an expert on sleepovers for my son who is 9 and being having sleepover for about 4 years.
we do not insist on any cleaning routine at all of any part of their bodies and they go on a late night walk with my husband just to cool down . the last sleepover we had six of his friends in one room and we let them enjoy the time together in safe environment. we always have some one sleeping over nearly every weekend. we enjoy, it and so does my son.

Robinw · 20/05/2001 20:42

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Zaria · 05/06/2001 10:25

I have two boys and we have had sleepovers on and off over the last four years. To add to what has already been said:
Bedtime stories are fine but I would avoid ghost stories like the plague. You have no idea how the other children may react (even if they seem to love them at the time) and helping other people's children through nightmares is horrible!

The children always like 'midnight' feasts (a small bowl with raisins, apple, maybe chocolate buttons, grapes etc) and for a long time mine were happy to eat theirs any time after bedtime, say about 8 o'clock for the little ones.

I am quite firm about lights out, and normally find that the visiting child accepts it better than my own!

Finally, I would really agree with the comments that you send/take them home early the next day. We often have a nice breakfast together, sometimes with pancakes and maple syrup to make it special, give them a bit of TV time to chill out, then finish it.

As for the return visits, what we like best is not necessarily the evening time, as babysitters are not a problem for us, but the mornings, when we can make some coffee and read the papers in peace!

Robinw · 01/12/2001 08:02

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Lyndiloo2 · 22/05/2011 11:51

Help.
My eldest ds (just turned 8) slept over at a friends last night, I was a bit apprehensive and my 6th sense didn't really like the idea. His friend seems nice but looks like a bit of a rebel and has an older teenager brother. But I dont want to be seen as a picky parent, judgmental or discriminatory so I let him go, it is his 'best friend' after all. This morning when I picked him up he said he had spent most of his time in the boys room watching tv until midnight. and 'we even watched naked ladies'!!!! I tried not to panic and to find out a little more. He said that they were just talking and he only watched for 5 minutes. Ds had on a previous occasion put two toy lizards onto each other saying they were 'sexing' and when I opened discussion he said that this child had told him about that.

What should I do. I don't want to tell him that he cant go there anymore cause I don't want him to not tell me things because of that. I will try and encourage the other friendships more and make up excuses if the topic of sleeping over or even playing there ever arises again, and then suggest the child sleepover here and not there so i have more control over what they are watching!

Any advice???

jubilee10 · 23/05/2011 15:36

I don't do sleepovers. (3 ds's 15,13 and 4) Friends come to play, stay for tea and are picked up at 9pm. We all go to bed and SLEEP in our own beds. I have had a child overnight for a friend who was in hospital and I think that's ok. Ds2 has stayed with various friends whose parents I knew well but I don't feel I have to invite them back. I take other peoples children swimming and for days out. I don't do sleepovers.

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