Has anyone else thought they have made a mess of the early years and managed to turn it around?

[ilovespinach]

I've been too harsh on ds1 (3.1). I understand now that I have ds2 (16 months), how kids behave - they aren't being naughty if they slam doors etc they are being kids. I have shouted at him too much and I feel as if I could have done things so much better. I am particulary unhappy since ds2 has been born - the time with 2 kids has been unbelievably hard and I have been too harsh on ds1.

This is not a thread to point out my mistakes. I want to be a better mother. Has anyone else felt this way and been able to turn things around? Is there anything you think of if you feel things are slipping back?

I certainly lost my temper more with ds1 when he was little than with ds2 and I do regret it. He is more anxious than ds2 so I do worry that I might have caused it. I do believe that it is still possible to make up for it and to change the way you deal with them.

Thanks all.....

When I collect him from nursery today I will play instead of getting on with housework. I tell him I love him all the time and I'm always affectionate....

Good advice to think ''I don't want him to rememeber his childhood like this''....

Thanks again

I had PND and i think I really made a hash of everything with DS1. I managed to turn it around and he is happy and confident nearly 8 yr old.

However, not to be too depressing but I will always carry a small amount of guilt over it.

I was lucky and didn't get PND with DS2 and parenting him has been more straightforward. Possibly a mixture of not being depressed and actually knowing what I was doing.

Yes you can. Your ds is still tiny really, still a child. He has many years of childhood left, and he will remember the years that are coming up much better than he will remember these 3 years behind him.

If you are kind to yourself you will be kind to him. Forgive yourself, don't guilt trip over it, and have fun. As themildmanneredjanitor said, being a mother is bloody hard.

Time is totally on your side with this. My children are 16 and 13 and we were talking about earliest memories etc the other day. My eldest remembers coming to the hospital after I had given birth to my second, but nothing much before that and then hardly anything after that for a while. Even events that I thought would have stood out in their minds (both good and bad) they do not remember. So as regards what your son will remember his childhood to be like, you can start with a blank canves and go from here.

I think because I'm a SAHM I obsess about everything. I just can't honestly remember the last time we all had a nice afternoon together Mon-Fri when I'm with them and we're indoors (playpark is always a nice afternoon).

yes, completely.

i am just like crackfox and tmmj had bad pnd with dd1, was very young, stupid, too harsh, too shouty, not around enough, but you know she still loves me

It all changed for me when she started school i was around more i wasn't depressed anymore and I just kind of got to know her better. They also get easier as they get older. I do still feel guilty but it just motivates me really. Having dd2 has made me a better mum to dd1.

'Nice afternoon' indoors is hard to achieve!! I think you are being hard on yourself...

well, we had a nice afternoon...at the hairdressers managed to get ds1's haircut and also ds2's which broke my heart as his baby curls were being cut off (I think they will come back though)...
and then we went to see the ducks

I will try to chill out and relax and enjoy our time together

Glad to hear you had a nice afternoon.

I can relate to your post. I know I was too hard on dd1 and expected too much from her. She was clever and talked early which probably didn't help. The stage you are at now I remember being possibly the hardest, it's really 2 children now rather than a toddler and a baby, and that takes some getting used to. I had the same age gap and at age 1 my ds was cute, smiley, funny whereas dd at age 3 was stroppy, whiney and un-cooperative.

I do sometimes wonder if some of the way she is now (almost 8) is due to me being cross with her too much when she was little. Or maybe she's just a bit difficult! Who knows, but as everyone has said there's nothing you can do about the past and you're recognising how things need to change.

I think in my case the only parenting model I had was from my parents who have highly unrealistic expectations of how children should behave, possibly because what they did worked with me, but I was awfully quiet and passive as a child, not really normal now I look back.

Experience is a great thing and I'm sure you'll get better and better at handling all the challenges. I certainly feel far more confident with dd2 (now 3) than with the first 2 dcs. Definitely don't get it right all the time but I can see she's just being a 3 year old and it doesn't get to me the way it did with dd1.